Josh Brolin: Cable

Deadpool 2

Cable

Cable: I use a device to slide through time. The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. I got two charges: one to get me here, one to get me home.
Wade Wilson: [looks at the camera] Well... that's just lazy writing.

Deadpool: So, what exactly do you do in the future, anyway, huh? Some kind of soldier?
Cable: Yeah, something like that.
Deadpool: I was a soldier. Special Forces. I bet fifty years from now we'll be bestest buddies.
Cable: Fifty years from now you'll be very dead. Your entire generation will fuck this planet into a coma.
Deadpool: Boom!
[makes exploding sound]
Deadpool: Spoiler alert. Ha ha! Ah, planets.
Domino: [whispers to herself] Next time Uber.
Cable: Here's a spoiler alert. You're not a fucking hero. You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.
Deadpool: Well, I got news for you, my heart is in the right place. Russell's not gonna kill anyone. Because of me, he's gonna know what real love is.
Cable: Because of you, I'll always know what a grown man with baby balls looks like.
Deadpool: I'm a grower, not a shower.
Domino: I should've finished college.

Cable: You remind me of my wife.
Wade Wilson: I'm sorry?
Cable: I said you remind me...
Wade Wilson: No, I'm sorry that you said that while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm.

Cable: Relax, I'm retrieving something from my utility bag.
Weasel: It's a god-damn fanny pack and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! The difference is night and day.

[after Deadpool realizes Cable traveled back in time to save him]
Deadpool: You time-sliding son of a bitch. You did this for me? Wait, you can't go back. You used the last of your fuel. What about your girl and your wife?
Cable: No, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. No, I'm gonna stick around for a while and make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion.
Deadpool: No, you did it for me.
Cable: No, I didn't.
Deadpool: You did.
Cable: No, I didn't.
Deadpool: Pretty sure you did.
Cable: No, I'm positive I didn't.
Deadpool: Fine. Alright, let's flip a coin, okay? Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me.
[flips coin]
Deadpool: I'm not even gonna look because you did it for me.
Cable: Say it again.
Deadpool: You did it for me.
Cable: Jesus.

[from trailer]
Cable: I was born into war, bred into it. People think they understand pain, but they have no concept of it. What's the most pain you've ever felt? Maybe the kind that leaves you more machine than man.
Deadpool: [halts trailer] Wait, no, STOP! What in the actual ass? Dale! Why, why are the visual effects not done? It's a metal arm! It's not like we're trying to remove a mustache! Oh fuck it, I'll do it myself...

Cable: There's nothing I can't kill.
Deadpool: Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin used to say... "There's a first time for everything,son." Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy.
[cuts down one bullet then gets riddled by more bullets]
Deadpool: Those bullets were, like, super fast.

Deadpool: Cable, you get back to your family and you tell them Wade says hi. And promise me, promise me one thing: that you'll start judging people not by the color of the skin but by the content of their character.
Cable: Jesus...

Deadpool: I don't know how to thank you, but I do know how to hug you.
Cable: No.
Deadpool: [gets closer to Cable] Yes. Here we go. Bring it in.
[hugging Cable]
Deadpool: Come on. Pelvis to pelvis. Let's go tip to tip. There we go, the kids call this docking.
[hears a knife open]
Deadpool: Is there a knife in my dick?
Cable: There's a knife in your dick, yeah.

Cable: You're not a fuckin' hero. You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.

Cable: The name's Cable! From the future. Just walk away.
Wade Wilson: Oh? So you're from the future? I have three questions, then. One: is dubstep still a thing? Two: which Sharknado are we on? And three: at what point will the audience say "enough with the robotic arms"?

Headmaster: All you dirty mutants are gonna rot in hell with the boy! Your souls are beyond redemption!
Cable: [pulls out a knife] Let's see YOUR soul, perv!
Deadpool: No! No! No! No more! We're better than that! We're better than him! No more senseless violence, no more bloodshed! We'll let karma take care of him.
Headmaster: The day of reckoning is here!
[Dopinder runs over the headmaster in his taxi]
Deadpool: I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great.
Dopinder: WHOO! COURAGE, MOTHERFUCKERS!
Deadpool: ...And karma, motherfucker.

Cable: [referring to the headmaster, who is trying to escape Russell] He even runs like a fucking pervert.
Wade Wilson: yeah - an internet predator who lost his laptop.

Deadpool: Great... a bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. Can I have one of those guns?
Cable: No.
Deadpool: That's fine. I'm just gonna use this brick. Maximum effort.

Cable: [speaking about his ex-wife] She always struggled. She was funny... filtered her pain through the prism of humor. Something I could never master.

Cable: Trust me I'm even less happy about this than you are but you unleashed the Juggernaut you dumb cunt.