Elementary (TV Series)

Ready or Not (2016)

Jonny Lee Miller: Sherlock Holmes

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Quotes 

• Sherlock Holmes : [to Fiona]  I know that you appreciate honesty and directness, so um, I'll be direct with you. I think you've misjudged me. I say that without reproach. I just think you should know. You said you'd had two serious relationships in the past. It might surprise you to learn that puts you at least one, and arguably two, ahead of me. I had one great romance... in my life. One would be hard pressed to call her a girlfriend. And even harder pressed to call that relationship a success. I never felt the need beyond that. Part of the reason for that is that relationships are hard for me. You sensed that I was making an extra effort to make things work with you. In that, you are correct. But, you presume that that was because you're different. It's not. It's because I'm different. And because you are the rare woman I have come across for whom I believe that that extra effort is worthwhile.

• Sherlock Holmes : Things are quite good between me and Fiona. You expressed some concern last night. I would allow, however, that the, uh... the mechanics of the relationship have, you know, left me in something of a mood of late.

  Dr. Joan Watson : The mechanics.

  Sherlock Holmes : Yeah. We've been taking it slow.

  Dr. Joan Watson : [it takes her a beat to get it]  You haven't had sex yet.

  Sherlock Holmes : We have not. It's been challenging. I've not been exclusive for quite some time. For the last few years, sex has been a... a calisthenic performed with like-minded individuals. I can't of course commit to Fiona and keep up my exercise regimen, so... it's fallen away. It's been 47 days since my last act of sexual congress.

  Dr. Joan Watson : That's a long time for you. A really long time.

  Sherlock Holmes : Yeah. Well. Fiona's special, so I've decided to make a special effort.

• Sherlock Holmes : Stoller's inside. Got here just after I did. His skinny jeans make the odds of a concealed firearm quite slim.

  Detective Marcus Bell : That's good to know.

• Sherlock Holmes : I'm cataloguing the steps on our journey out and out, to keep them clear. It'll help me visualize where the authorities will find our bodies.

  Dr. Joan Watson : You don't really think that the -

  [they lock glances and then she rolls her eyes: he got her] 

• Ronnie Wright : This was a NORAD communications center back in the eighties. Guaranteed nuclear survivability.

  Sherlock Holmes : Tested it, have you? Never mind. If it doesn't work, we'll hardly be asking for our money back, will we?

• Dr. Joan Watson : [Looking at The Keep website advertising luxury survival bunkers for the uber wealthy]  It's not how I pictured prepping. I mean, when you say survivalists, I see... bearded guys wearing gas masks digging holes in their backyards to build shelters.

  Sherlock Holmes : That's the garden variety prepper. The Keep caters to a uniquely vile subset, the wealthy prepper. Along with the myriad doomsday scenarios that haunt ordinary preppers - global pandemic, nuclear holocaust, socialist zombies coming to eat their guns - the wealthy ones also worry that the poor are gonna rise up with torches and pitchforks. Which, one could argue, wouldn't be the worse thing in the world.

• Ronnie Wright : [Sherlock has just exposed Wright's luxury survival bunker as a scam and pulls out his cell phone]  You gave me your phone.

  Sherlock Holmes : Got a good signal. You should put that on your website.

• Sherlock Holmes : How do you not hear it?

  Dr. Joan Watson : Just lucky I guess.

  Sherlock Holmes : Perhaps it entered your mind unconsciously. Were your dreams filled with two flounders slapping together, a ketchup bottle being squeezed repeatedly, whilst a nearby walrus issues a death rattle?

  Dr. Joan Watson : Okay, I get it.

  Sherlock Holmes : I assure you. You do not.