"The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson" Billy Crystal/Arnold Schwarzenegger/Michael Ammar (TV Episode 1986) - Billy Crystal as Self - Guest

Michael Ammar : Name any card.

Billy Crystal : Uhh... queen of hearts.

Michael Ammar : OK, queen of hearts. What a - that's an often-chosen card; let me make sure that we have it in here. I don't necessarily...

Billy Crystal : My character.

Michael Ammar : play with a full deck.

Billy Crystal : Well, I played it on "Soap", so I figured I'd...
Billy Crystal : Where I live, I have - I don't have cable. I had a cheap company - Bob's Cable.

Johnny Carson : Bob's Cable?

Billy Crystal : Yeah. We had, uh... "Death of a Salesman" with Gabe Kaplan as Willy Loman.
Billy Crystal : [imitating small-town wrestlers] Friday night, me and my brother are gonna refry your beans, Gomez - it won't be pretty.
Billy Crystal : [as his character Buddy Young Jr] Don't get me started - this whole videocassette bit. You can buy them anyplace! No, they're in the dry cleaners - hello, Ed; how are ya? You can buy - no, it's true! My wife comes home from the gynecologist - she says, "Buddy, I got cystitis and Amadeus."... Wait! I said, "Is it serious?" She says, "Parts of it - but the music is beautiful, I'll tell ya that!"
Billy Crystal : We shot that on Sundays in Chicago. Four months... freezing cold. My nipples have been hard for, like, fuhgeddaboudit.
Johnny Carson : You don't know much about guns, though - I mean... right?

Billy Crystal : No, no - I'm Jewish; we - we tend to be furriers, not hunters.

Billy Crystal: Self - Guest