- Adult Johnny Tatro: They say life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. I believe if life fucks you in the head enough times... you start to think pain and misery is funny.
- Timmy Goodman: You know what's dangerous? A group of girls standing on each others shoulders, throwing another girl in the air. I'll stick with chess.
- Emily Carpenter: Even Superman has a weakness. Some Kriptonite comes along and you'll have pants full of crap.
- Timmy Goodman: If they're called ladies of the evening, what are they doing out in the morning?
- Young Johnny Tatro: Early Bird gets the worm, I guess.
- Adult Johnny Tatro: I believe if life fucks you in the head enough times you start to think pain and misery are funny.