Trama

Jess crashes a funeral, hoping to delete a "sext" she recently sent to the deceased. Then, Schmidt's mom, Louise arrives in town for a visit, and Winston is desperate to be off-duty friends with his police partner, Aly.

In the loft, Jess celebrates sending her first sext to a guy named Pete from Coach's gym. It's a picture of her in a t-shirt with a bra over it, holding a sign saying "Property of Pete." It is not hot.

Schmidt pops motion sickness pills in advance of his mom's arrival. "We get together and we do things, she tells me all the ways I could be better at things and then I do them, but not right. It's fun," he says.

Jess starts to get riled up when Pete is over an hour late for their brunch date. She and Cece go to demand answers and return reporting he had a good excuse: he died.

He slipped and fell in a showroom floor.

Jess tries to decide if she should go to the memorial, even though she hasn't slept with him. She tries to guilt Cece into going.

Nick takes Schmidt to show him an investment opportunity: buying 10 percent of the bar. They need $20,000, but only have $10,000 from not selling the Swuit. Schmidt suggests they ask his mom for his bar mitzvah money.

At the station, Winston asks his partner Aly if she wants to get a drink after work. She says no and says they're professionals, not friends.

Schmidt's mom Louise (Nora Dunn) arrives for lunch with Nick and Schmidt and insists Schmidt say hi to his baby brother -- a picture of maltepoo on her phone. When she mentions Susan, Schmidt says it's her work friend. "We just got a new mattress, so 'work' has been a lot more comfortable," Louise says of her girlfriend.

She nitpicks him and makes him put a sweater over his sweater and then feeds him chocolate when his voice starts wavering. When he asks for his bar mitzvah money, she says yes, as long as he writes his thank you cards.

At the loft, Jess, Cece and Coach leave for Pete's memorial, with Jess assuring them it'll be so packed they'll easily duck in and out.

But when they arrive, it's a tiny gathering in a house. They have to share stories of how they knew Pete, which gets super awkward after Pete's girlfriend introduces herself. Jess says she worked with him, as a sports agent.

Back at the loft, Winston, Schmidt and Nick are stumped on how to come up with a guest list for the thank yous. Winston calls Aly, claiming it's a work thing. They play the footage as Winston and Aly try good cop-bad cop on Schmidt to the strains of Bel Biv Devoe.

Back at the memorial, Cece bails and Winston lectures Jess that pretending to be someone she's not isn't the answer. Then JJ Watt walks in and Coach announces he was Pete's best friend.

Back at the loft, Louise nitpicks the thank you cards and fends off Nick's imaginary advances.

At the memorial, Coach feeds Jess sports lines to remember Pete by. When Pete's sister suggests his girlfriend should have his cell phone full of memories, Jess and Coach head to the garage to find the phone. They run into JJ Watt, who confesses he only came to the memorial to get at the phone because he recently fired Pete via text.

They're all busted by Pete's girlfriend. JJ lies and says they came to the garage to sing. JJ starts singing about hot dogs and Jess and Coach join in.

Winston tries again to ask Aly for a drink, but she won't be swayed.

Nick tries to talk to Schmidt about how his mom controls him. Nick pumps Schmidt up to confront his mom and Schmidt is about to cave until Louise starts in on Schmidt needing better friends than Nick. Schmidt finally tells his mom off, adding that they don't need to her money to buy into the bar -- over Nick's objections.

When Winston, Coach and JJ finish their a capella sports food ditties, Jess calls Pete's phone to find it. They find the girlfriend holding the phone with the family gathered around. Pete made Jess' sext her caller ID.

At the nail salon, Cece and Louise (who don't know each other) end up talking to each other. Cece complains about her friend who always thinks she knows best.

"Who's your friend, me?" Louise asks. She tells Cece her son thinks she smothers him and Cece suggests that she let go a little. They bond.

At the bar, Winston is moping about Aly when she sends him a drink from across the bar. She admits that she hung out with her last partner a lot and he fell in love with her. "Damn! You conceited! Don't nobody want your babies," Winston says.

They agree to be friends. Aly impressively chugs her pint.

Nick and Schmidt try to buy Michael's share and get rejected. Then Schmidt's mom arrives, fresh off her epiphany from the "Mexican woman" at the nail salon, and promises him his bar mitzvah money. They make the deal for the bar.

Jess excitedly sidles up to Louise, who wants less from her. "I just think you'd be more of a success socially if you let people come to you," she says.

Cece misses Louise entirely as the gang celebrates later in a booth -- the guy's 10 percent.