- Caroline Channing: [about Elliot's business cards] He has cards? I'm jealous of a nine year old, that's where I'm at?
- Caroline Channing: Oh my God, there is definitely something moving around in my bra.
- Max Black: Well it's good that you can still recognize that feeling.
- Caroline Channing: [Caroline has her hand inside her bra] It's right - oh, oh! I touched it, gross! Someone put your hand in my bra and help me!
- Caroline Channing: Why would your mother send you this?
- [referring to the Teddy Ruxpin bear]
- Max Black: Why would she do anything? Why would she bite our dog? Why would she make out with out Jack-O-Lantern? I don't know.
- Caroline Channing: Well Max, she did send you your favorite toy after all these years, maybe she trying to make amends?
- Max Black: Oooh! Make amends? She couldn't even make me a sandwich.
- Max Black: [Max has a fishtank on a table] Okay, just get up on the counter and drop it in the tank.
- Caroline Channing: What?
- Max Black: Get up on the counter, spread your legs and just let it fall in the tank.
- [Caroline gets on the counter and is standing on a table]
- Oleg: You know what? Forget the back rub. After this, we're square.
- Max Black: Okay, straddle the tank, pull out your uniform and let it go.
- Oleg: Now I owe you money.
- Sophie Kachinsky: Or just squat over the tank like your delivering a fish baby.
- Caroline Channing: I'm delivering a fish baby? This is where I'm at?
- Max Black: Stop asking, that is where you're at.
- Caroline Channing: [Caroline grunts and the fish drops out and lands in the tank]