- [last lines]
- Brother: [gag commercial for the Community board game] Sorry dad, guess I win!
- Father: You stupid child. Nobody's winning anything. Don't you see? This means we don't exist. We're not created by God.
- [drops the tiny script replica]
- Father: We're created by a joke. We were never born, and we will never actually live.
- [family in stunned silence]
- Commercial Announcer: [rapid-fire disclaimer] Dice not included, some assembly required. Lines between perception, desire, and reality may become blurred, redundant, or interchangeable. Characters may hook up with no regard for your emotional investment. Some episodes to conceptual to be funny. Some too funny to be immersive, and some so immersive they still aren't funny. Consistency between seasons may vary. Viewers may be measured by a secretive obsolete system based on selected participants keeping hand-written journals of what they watched. Show may be canceled and moved to the Internet where it turns out 10s of millions were watching the whole time - may not matter. Fake commercial may end with disclaimer gag which may descend into vain Chuck Lorre-esque rant by narcissistic creator. Creator may be unstable. Therapist may have told creator this is not how you make yourself a good person. Life may pass by while we mistreat those close to us. Those close to us may be those watching. Those people may want to know I love them, but I may be incapable of saying it. Contains pieces the size child's esophagus.
- Jeff Winger: How'd you get in here?
- Annie Edison: I pulled the spare key so the dean would stop leaving them under the welcome mat. You left weirdly.
- Jeff Winger: Well, there's no normal way to do anything now.
- Annie Edison: Yeah. You're gonna be fine, you know.
- Jeff Winger: I don't wanna be fine. I wanna be 25 and heading out into the world. I wanna fall asleep on a beach and be able to walk the next day, or stay up all night on accident. I wanna wear a white t-shirt without looking like I forgot to get dressed. I want to be terrified of AIDS, I want to have an opinion about those, boring ass Marvel movies. And I want those opinions to be of any concern to the people making them.
- Annie Edison: Well I want to live in the same home for more than a year, order wine without feeling nervous, have a resume full of crazy mistakes instead of crazy lies. I want stories and wisdom, perspective. I wanna have so much behind me I'm not a slave to what's in front of me, especially those flavorless unremarkable Marvel movies.
- Jeff Winger: They are so not a big deal!
- Annie Edison: I know!
- Jeff Winger: It's just all there is!
- Annie Edison: Yes, and you get to say that! I could screw myself if I say it. But there's pressures on me you don't have to live under, if you accept that you're older and let the kid stuff go.
- Jeff Winger: I let you go, Annie. From my hands and my head. The heart, which cynics say is code for penis, wants what it wants. But I let you go.
- Annie Edison: [checks phone] The others are coming. I think you should kiss me goodbye or you might regret it for the rest of your life.
- Jeff Winger: What about you?
- Annie Edison: Oh, I'll regret the kiss for a week, but I'm in my 20s. Who cares.
- Abed Nadir: There is skill to it. More importantly, it has to be joyful, effortless, fun. TV defeats its own purpose when it's pushing an agenda, or trying to defeat other TV or being proud or ashamed of itself for existing. It's TV, it's comfort. It's a friend you've known so well, and for so long you just let it be with you. And it needs to be okay for it to have a bad day, or phone in a day. And it needs to be okay for it to get on a boat with Levar Burton and never come back. Because eventually, it all will.
- Abed Nadir: Things have a certain structure to them, you know? If we stray from it, we're weird, if we stick to it, we're boring.
- Dean Pelton: Yeah, but isn't that more about the shape of your brain, Abed? I mean, no offense or anything. But isn't the shape of your brain kinda fucked up?
- Abed Nadir: Shirley or Elroy?
- Dean Pelton: See, that's racist, man. Shirley *or* Elroy? That's racist. How about they both come back? How about there's a whole third black person?
- Abed Nadir: Where do they all sit?
- Dean Pelton: They... well, they sit wherever they want to sit, as of the 1960s.
- Dean Pelton: [on the P.A. system] School's out, bitches. Congratulations, Greendale students! We've pulled off another year and we're still standing. Take that, health inspector, building inspector, foundation inspector, water line inspector, geologist, exterminator, plumber, and dad.
- Dean Pelton: [In some of the pitches, the Dean is seen wearing only a diaper] What is with this diaper thing? Is it about shaming me?
- Britta Perry: Do you really want a bunch of people dressing you?
- Dean Pelton: [Looks at Jeff] It would be polite to try.
- Vicki: Mr. Winger, Garrett's holding Leonard's hand again.
- Jeff Winger: Garrett, stop doing that.
- Garrett: I'm checking for a pulse.