The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Intimacy Acceleration (2015)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : What would constitute a perfect day for you?

  Penny : Oh. Well, I'd probably sleep in, do a little yoga, then lie on the beach while cute cabana boys brought me drinks, and probably get a massage, and then cap off the night with some dancing.

  Sheldon Cooper : That's it?

  Penny : Yeah, why?

  Sheldon Cooper : You didn't mention Leonard.

  Penny : [pauses, looking a little guilty]  He's there.

  Sheldon Cooper : I don't think so. Leonard can't stand yoga, the beach, massages, or dancing.

  Penny : Yeah, well, he brought a book, okay, what's yours?

  Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, uh, I wake up. Uh, I enjoy some French toast with butter and syrup. Then a wormhole opens and whisks me millions of years into the future, where my towering intellect is used to save the last remnants of mankind from a predatory alien race.

  Penny : Interesting. You didn't mention Amy.

  Sheldon Cooper : Who do you think made the French toast with butter and syrup?

• Penny : Honestly, if I could have one quality, I wish I could be as smart as you guys.

  Sheldon Cooper : Ha! Keep dreaming.

• Sheldon Cooper : What?

  Penny : Just thinking about the day I met you and Leonard.

  Sheldon Cooper : It was a Monday afternoon. You joined us for Indian food.

  Penny : Can you believe it's been eight years?

  Sheldon Cooper : And you're still eating our food.

• Sheldon Cooper : Now, let's tabulate the results of the experiment. I think it's safe to say that you're not in love with me, and I'm not in love with you. And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences.

• Sheldon Cooper : Well, what I meant was... I often misinterpret how others are feeling. Like, I can't always tell if someone is only joking or laughing at me. You know, if they're mad at something I've done or just in a bad mood. It's incredibly stressful.

  Penny : Really? You always seem so confident.

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, I'm not. And if I could read people's minds, life would be so much simpler.

  Penny : Well, now I wish I had the ability to make that stuff easier for you.

  Sheldon Cooper : Thank you.

  Penny : Wow, I just felt this wave of affection for you.

  Sheldon Cooper : [referring to Penny's glass of wine]  Are you sure it's not too much Bible juice?

  Penny : ...And the wave is gone.

• Penny : Question one: Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

  Sheldon Cooper : Hmm. Living or dead?

  Penny : Just says "anyone in the world." Guess that means living.

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, that's just as well. As much as I'd love to meet Euclid, inventor of the geometric proof, he probably wore sandals, and I cannot look at toes during dinner. Oh, I know! The person I'd most like to have dinner with is myself.

  Penny : You sure that's your choice? 'Cause I've had that dinner.

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, I haven't. And while they say never meet your heroes, I just don't see how I could disappoint. Who would you choose?

  Penny : Robert Downey Jr.

  Sheldon Cooper : You... Oh! I didn't think of Iron Man. You know, maybe after myself and I have dinner, we can meet you two for dessert.

• Penny : If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?

  Sheldon Cooper : So it would be today? Huh. Well, I suppose there's something satisfying about dying on my birthday.

  Penny : Today's your birthday?

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes.

  Penny : Well, that's always been a secret! Not even Amy knows.

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, I don't enjoy presents. And the thought of people jumping out and yell, "Surprise!" fills me with more dread than the words "George Lucas' Director's Cut."

• Sheldon Cooper : If you could wake up tomorrow, having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

  Penny : Well, not to steal from the Bible, but turning water into wine sounds pretty good.

• Penny : That is so funny. I never would have pegged you for a Pisces.

  Sheldon Cooper : You're making it difficult to love you right now.

• Sheldon Cooper : If this experiment does make us fall in love, would you drive me to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin for Gary Con? It's the only convention celebrating the life and work of Gary Gygax, the co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons.

  Penny : You know what, I can honestly say if we fall in love, not only will I drive you there, I will buy you all the dragon t-shirts you want.

  Sheldon Cooper : Okay, Babe, let's do this.

• Sheldon Cooper : You ready to begin?

  Penny : Yep, be right there. I assume you don't want wine.

  Sheldon Cooper : Correct. You're not supposed to drink alcohol when operating heavy machinery.

  Penny : What heavy machinery?

  [Sheldon points to his head] 

• Penny : I'm comfortable around you too.

  Sheldon Cooper : Of course you are. I'm warm and soothing. I'm like a human bowl of tomato soup.

• Penny : Wow. I just felt this wave of affection for you.

  Sheldon Cooper : You sure it's not too much Bible juice?