The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Anxiety Optimization (2015)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : OK, we're headed out. See you later.

  Sheldon Cooper : I know. Before you leave, can you help me test these noise cancelling headphones?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, sure.

  Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon puts on headphones]  Go ahead.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Hello, can you hear me?

  [Sheldon doesn't react] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, I haven't changed the filter in the water pitcher in two years.

  Penny : Uh, Bernadette's nickname for you is the Virgin Pina Colada.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Your George Lucas autograph is really a me autograph.

  Penny : Yeah, well, once I was too lazy to walk across the hall so I used your toothbrush.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Ooh, and at one time when you were asleep Amy totally took off her-

  [Sheldon takes off headphones] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : And that's why you're the best roommate ever.

  Sheldon Cooper : Aaaaw. Now I'm sad I didn't hear it.

• Sheldon Cooper : I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but when a mouse completes a maze, it gets a food pellet.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : It also gets its brain plucked out with tweezers.

  Sheldon Cooper : And its last meal was a food pellet? You're a monster.

• Leonard Hofstadter : What is going on?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I need to keep my anxiety at the right level, so I'm using Darth Vader, the Joker and Godzilla's roar to keep me in that sweet spot. Yeah, I tried including Taylor Swift in the mix, but turned out I love her.

  Leonard Hofstadter : At least listen to it through headphones. I'm trying to sleep. Good night.

  Sheldon Cooper : Boy! Taylor was right; haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

• Sheldon Cooper : You sounded in distress. I was worried something unpleasant was happening to you. Like a murder, or spontaneous coitus with Leonard.

• Penny : Have fun.

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I will. Nothing more fun than a paradigm-shifting evening of science.

  Penny : [to Leonard]  And you thought it was soaping me up in the shower.

• Penny : What exactly do you think goes on here?

  Sheldon Cooper : Conversations you wouldn't be comfortable having in front of the opposite sex, who has the best cervix? Which sanitary napkin is all the rage, men's buttocks and how you want to pad and squeeze them

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : We were talking about Penny's job

  Sheldon Cooper : And how difficult is to do when she's bloated cranky and crampy, continue

  Penny : We are just people, we talk about the same things you guys talk about

  Sheldon Cooper : You talk about if werewolves can swim? Leonard says yes, I say it depends on if the human could swim before he was bitten

  Penny : Let's just talk about our periods

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Hold on, all cannines can swim, why would werewolves be any different?

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : They're not a hundred per cent werewolf, they're part human, it's like comparing apples to oranges

  Sheldon Cooper : Thank you although in this case it'd be like comparing apples to were oranges who only turned on a full moon

• Amy Farrah Fowler : You don't need to drive yourself crazy in order to be productive.

  Sheldon Cooper : Or do I? Hmm? Sir Isaac Newton wrote his Principia while convinced he was an armadillo.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : That's not true.

  Sheldon Cooper : Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I have been hallucinating lately.