Trama

Piper gets creative in order to grow her new business. Crazy Eyes's sci-fi sex story for drama class is a hit. Alex doesn't trust a new inmate named Lolly.

Piper takes advantage of the new and terrible food from the kitchen and uses her new found talent for recruiting to convince some of the girls to help her with her panty business. Poussey comes to terms with her problem with Tastey's help. Alex continues to be paranoid about Kubra. More light is shed on the current owners of the prison.

The episode opens on Maritza and Blanca nervously cutting open a precooked bag of Beef Wellington, as the new bagged food has just recently been implemented. Red watches anxiously, and sadly, from the side. Maritza quickly slices the bag open, letting the food fall out, which provokes a disgusted groan from both women. Cut to the serving line, where Maria is serving Gina the Beef Wellington. Gina asks what the side is, and Maria responds that they're snow peas. Gina begins to say how peas are round and green, not "a watery brown paste", but Maria quickly retorts that the bag said they were snow peas. Gina questions the use of the word "bag" and sees Red walk out of the kitchen, looking very distraught and upset at the new food. Gina comments that she's sure it tastes good, and immediately throws her food out.

The other inmates are not happy, spitting out the food and watching in disgust as they scoop up their meals and let it fall again on their plate. Red looks extremely upset and retreats to her office. Sister Jane, Lorna, and Piper comment on the disappointment of the food and the "new way on things". Lorna suggests that she may not eat again, saying "I really liked eating. It was part of my daily routine." Piper asks "What is that?" as she watched Black Cindy walk by with her kosher meal, which she recently started getting after she began claimed to be Jewish. She greets her other table mates with some Hebrew sayings as the four of them eat their kosher meals. The meals are clearly better than what is being served. Sister Jane tells Piper that you have to be Jewish to get the meals, and when Piper questions whether they're Jewish, Sister Jane responds "For this meal, they are." Lorna comments that her Ralph is Jewish, and she'll be Jewish if she marries him. Anita pours ramen flavoring on her meal to mask the flavor, which impresses Piper.

Black Cindy tells her other "Jewish" table mates to count their blessings that they aren't eating "Poop" Wellington like everyone else, while Watson laughs at the table of people who are in Norma's "cult", who appear to be saying grace. Taystee questions on their choice of leader. Poussey defends Norma, and Black Cindy calls out Poussey for liking that stuff, who defends herself by saying that it was simply an arm touch and a meaningful stare. Black Cindy says that Norma is bullsh*t and gives religion a bad name.

Charlie, a new CO, stops Pennsatucky as she's walking down the hall, introducing himself politely, if not awkwardly, by his first name and then tells her he's been told to tell her that she's needed to drive the van to go to the hardware store. He says he'll come with her, "if that's ok", and immediately recants that statement, revealing that he's bad at giving orders. Pennsatucky says she'll help him out, and accompanies him to get the van keys since he forgot to check them out.

Lolly is in Alex's cube, examining her bunkmate's pictures when Alex walks in, upset at her intrusive visit. Lolly claims to just be looking for ideas about how to decorate her space, and Alex very sarcastically and bitterly tells her to put some pictures up. It's very clear that Alex harbors major distrust for Lolly. Alex clarifies that Lolly is looking at her bunkmate's pictures and tells her to get the f*ck out of her cube. Lolly leaves, telling her not to be rude.

Flashback to Alex's mother's funeral. There are only about 6 people in attendance, including the priest and the man who will be lowering the coffin. The priest is speaking about her generosity and her love for Alex, who she believed to be simply a world traveller, and was very proud of her. Alex walks away as Fahri pulls up next to her, offering her a ride.

Alex comments of the insincerity of the priest, claiming her must have printed the eulogy off the internet because he spoke of all the people gathered to honor Diane, when it was just two waitresses and her neighbor. Fahri comforts Alex, praising her for being at the funeral, telling her to not blame herself, and encouraging her to blame Piper. He then offers her a bump of cocaine, which she declines. He explains that he's there because Kubra ordered him to return to check out new business, and he's going back tomorrow. He invites her back to Paris, telling her to process her grief there.

Cut to Sophia on the phone with her wife, Crystal, talking about the new C.O.s, telling her how they ask questions about her transition and body. Crystal tells her that Benny is staying for dinner, and Michael started wearing cologne. Michael has developed an attitude and Sophia tells Crystal to shut it down. Crystal goes on to say there's more: Michael brought home a girl and snuck her in while Crystal was watching TV. Sophia suggests that he might need to spend less time with Benny. Crystal feels differently, saying it's instead about Michael not rushing into sex and respecting women. Crystal brings up Sophia's advice about having an insecure girl for practice, which makes Sophia feels somewhat ashamed.

Chang is working in commissary. Anita comes up and asks for ramen. Chang tells her that they're completely out of every flavor. Anita asks who bought them. Cut to Piper, looking at her locker stacked full of ramen, telling Alex about how she's use the flavoring packets as an incentive to get girls to wear the panties for her business. Alex hasn't yet spoken to the guard about sneaking the panties out, and Piper seems to be getting impatient. Alex tells Piper about her suspicions about Lolly. She seems to think Lolly was sent by Kubra to kill her. Piper brings up the panty business, and Alex tells her that she might not be the best person for the job. She only recruited women for the drug ring. Pipers reassures her that men are easier, and only need the promise of sex. Alex tells her to do the job, seeing as Alex is a lesbian, while Piper is attracted to men and women.

Flashback to Alex sitting in a private room at a nightclub with 2 other men (presumably in Kubra's business) and Fahri, encouraging Fahri to stay with them instead of picking up a new recruit at the airport. He agrees, and they all take ecstasy. Alex dances, and when she pauses, she says she thought the night club "would be ruined because of Piper, but f*ck Piper". She claims to be there for Diane, saying that she was a "mamazing" dancer, and then laughing at herself for saying mamazing. She and Fahri find this hilarious. Alex asks for a bump, while Fahri opens his phone and sees he has 17 missed calls. The new recruit got arrested.

Back to the present, where Crazy Eyes is working on a new chapter of her erotic book. Poussey asks about the progress of it, seeing as she finished the chapter Suzanne gave her the previous night. Suzanne gets frustrated and Poussey backs off, and immediately asks about how long it'll take to finish the current chapter. A completely separate inmate comes up to Suzanne, with a comment about the most recent chapter, and she and Poussey begin arguing about it while Suzanne looks perplexed. Black Cindy joins the debate. All the women begin asking Suzanne questions and she gets frustrated and tells them all to leave. They all leave. Poussey tries to interject again, but is quickly cut off by Suzanne.

Big Boo and Lorna are playing chess and arguing about their playing methods, while Gina and Yoga Jones sit nearby. Big Boo doesn't care about pawns and only cares about the important pieces, while Lorna values all her pieces equally. Piper walks up and makes a comment about the bad food, to which Big Boo responds "If you took a sh*t, and your sh*t took a sh*t, and then became the Mayor of Detroit, that wouldn't even come close to the sh*ittiness of that food." Piper then passes out flavoring packets to all four of them. Gina figures out that Piper bought out the commissary, and Piper offers to share the packets, provided that they wear the panties, and explains her business. Big Boo comments that Piper would keep all the money, and Piper responds by saying that it would be supporting a local business. Yoga Jones expresses her disgust. Piper then gives a "riveting" speech about the patriarchy, and self-love, and letting their used panties explore and travel places when they cannot, while triumphant music plays in the background and she stands on a table. The girls are convinced, and Piper dismounts the table.

Soso is talking to Healy. She tells him she's depressed, and doesn't have any friends. He believes that's a good thing, but she disagrees. Soso reveals her insecurity about talking too much, and then says the only place she feels comfortable talking is Berdie's drama class. This makes Healy upset. Soso then goes further and asks if she can change counselors. Healy tells her she can't, but offers to prescribe medication for her depression. Soso refuses, but Healy insists, saying she won't make any friends if she's depressed. Healy gives Soso and prescription and tells her the secret to depression is that it's all in her head.

Daya is drawing a picture of Bennett being attacked by animals. Aleida asks what's wrong with her, and Daya tells her it's back pain. Aleida tells her that it's the baby pushing against her sciatic nerve, and she should get someone to rub her feet. Aleida pushes Daya for a decision on what to do with her baby after it's born and Daya hasn't decided yet. She's frustrated with Aleida's pushiness, but Aleida defends her position as the baby's grandmother, and says Daya can't make a decision with a baby inside of her. Daya defends not wanting to give up her baby, which makes Aleida mad, and she reminds Daya it's about the baby, not her. She tells Daya to make a decision before the baby comes out or else she will keep it. She then tells her to do the right thing and leaves.

Danny walks into Joe's office, asking him to look over some purchasing orders. He says that the number of kosher meals have spiked, when there aren't that many Jewish people in the prison. Joe, who isn't a fan of Danny, tells him it's confusing, because they used to make them wear the Star of David, but not anymore. Danny asks whether Joe is mad at him, and Joe denies it. Danny asks again, and Joe tells him that he's only been getting cuts all week, despite all the purchases that need to be made, such as books for the library. Danny says that it's a process, and it's hard to imagine buying books when you can get them as donations. Joe reminds him about the certain books needed to help inmates. Danny promises to bring up those items at the meeting, which peaks Joe's interest. Danny frantically assures Joe that he doesn't need to be there, trying to dissuade him from trying to go. Joe tells Danny not to cut the kosher meals and Danny tells him that's why he consults him on these matters. Danny leaves.

Charlie and Pennsatucky are driving. Charlie tells Pennsatucky that he believes it's a bad idea to let her drive. Pennsatucky assures him that she can drive. He clarifies, saying that it doesn't seems safe, implies it's because she's a criminal. She starts joking that she could run them off the road at any minutes, commenting that there isn't anything you can't kill with a V8. He asks her to pull into the parking lot of Trudy's Donuts so he can pick up him paycheck. She thinks it's really cool that he works at a donut shop. He asks if he can leave her in the van, and she jokingly says yes. He takes her seriously, and she corrects, while he apologizes profusely. She promises again to help him out with getting the hang of things.

In the panty workshop, Piper keeps making eyes with the CO Bayley (who she wants to move the panties out), while Stella asks her questions about her and Alex. She quickly catches on that Piper is flirting with him because she needs him to move the panties out. Piper asks Bayley about adjusting the tension on her sewing machine, being extremely flirty, while Black Cindy and Watson watch. Piper and Bayley examine the chart, where Piper manages to touch fingers with Bayley, making him extremely flustered. Piper is clearly in control now.

Alex is pulling up weeds when Lolly appears behind her, shoving a plant in her face and asking if she thinks it's poison ivy. Alex doesn't think so. Lolly questions her judgement, trying to remember the rhyme about poison ivy. Alex offers no help. Lolly walks away, disheartened.

Flashback. Alex is talking to Fahri about the arresting incident. Both are clearly exhausted. There is another man in the room in the background. Alex claims that Kubra will understand. Fahri disagrees and hates his mistake. Alex insists that they make a decision. There is a knock at the door. Alex assures Fahri that she did not tell Kubra where they were. The man at the door says he's room service, and Fahri remembers he's ordered a sandwich. While Fahri and Alex talk, the room service man slips the man in the background a note. Alex bets Fahri $5 that Kubra won't kill them in their hotel room. Alex gets up to eat Fahri's sandwich. The man in the background shoots Fahri in the head and chest 3 times, killing him, and then holds the gun up to Alex.

Pennsatucky and Charlie are sitting in the van. Pennsatucky is insulting the choice of a maple log as the mascot for Trudy's Donuts. Charlie defends it by saying that the maple log is holding donuts. They then argue about the self-awareness, slavery, and intelligence of donuts and maple logs. Pennsatucky is full after eating 4 donuts and Charlie offers to take them back to camp, but Pennsatucky says no, telling him that they would know that they stopped and would get in trouble, but she assures him that they won't know what they did. Charlie has an idea about what to do with the donuts. Cut to them throwing bits on donuts at ducks in the pond to feed them. Charlie throws some at Pennsatucky, who attempts to catch them in her mouth and quacks like a duck, making him laugh.

The corporate meeting Danny was talking about. The entire meeting is essentially looking at ways to spend less money. For example, painting the walls pink instead of hiring new guards in Max because it costs less. It's time for Danny to speak. He talks about the new meal plans, and how he feels the kosher meal plan is being abused. It's basically a fight for who can save the most money and please the boss. Danny suggests that they get books for the library, which was a brave gesture seeing as the meeting is very focused on saving money. He mentions that it's Caputo who brought it up, in a way that isn't throwing him under the bus and is actually very kind. He also mentions legal books and a job-training program. The general consensus is it's a bad idea. Danny is truly trying. They wrap up the meeting. The boss confronts Danny for his suggestions. Danny emphasizes the importance of these issues he's bringing up. The boss doesn't seem to care and scolds him gently for his behavior. It's revealed that the boss is Danny's father. He tells Danny to assert his role as boss.

Daya is meeting with Mendez's mother. She let's her know that she still wants to have the baby, but wants her to write a letter to her every so often, just so she can know her daughter's ok since she won't be visiting. Mendez's mother asks if she knows it's a girl, and Daya says that she doesn't, but Aleida's convinced it is, because of the way her belly hangs. Mendez's mother absolutely agrees to her conditions. She even says she'll send some of her drawings, so she can see if she inherited her artistic talent. She goes on to talk about how George (Pornstache) can't even draw a straight line, but is very athletic. Daya asks about his involvement. Mendez's mother says that it won't be much, since he's in prison. She thanks Daya again for thinking her decision through, and admits that she thought Daya would ask for more money. Daya was unaware of the financial arrangement between Mendez's mother and Aleida. Mendez's mom is happy to pay the stipend, but Daya feels it isn't right. She tells her that Aleida only cares about money. She decides she can't go through with the plan, since she feels it's a lie. She admits to Mendez's mother that the baby isn't George's. Daya tells her that she wanted the life she's offering her baby, but she can't lie for money. Mendez's mother thanks her for telling her the truth, and then leaves.

Gloria is standing in the commissary line. Sophia stands behind her, noting that the line is longer. Gloria tells her that they raised the commissary prices. Sophia tells Gloria about Benny staying for dinner. She notes that they really must be becoming friends. Gloria sarcastically remarks that it must be hard for her. Sophia apologizes for her actions. She admits her bitterness came from the fact that she can't be there to help shape her son. Gloria responds by saying that her worse nightmare is Benny becoming a thug and it looks like that's what's happening, and she can't do anything.

Suzanne walks up to Poussey in the commissary line and tells her she finished the new chapter of Time Hump Chronicles. Poussey grabs for the paper but Suzanne holds it out of reach, warning her that it took an unexpected turn during the trial by lovemaking. Edwina becomes blindfolded and doesn't know one lover from another. Poussey is so distraught wondering who she chooses that she leaves the commissary line, despite being so close to the commissary. Suzanne says not to blame her, because she is but a lowly instrument to the muses.

Red walks into Healy's office, closes to the door, takes of her chef's aprons and says that she quits. She claims she can't show her face in the halls after the meal she served. Healy defends the meal, saying it's what they serve in every prison in the country. This doesn't console Red, and Healy criticizes her for jumping from job to job. He sits down and says there's nothing he can do to help her. She storms out of his office, leaving her jacket sitting on the floor. He picks up her jacket, buries his nose in it, and takes a big sniff. Berdie walks in behind him, asking what he's doing. He makes up a response about smelling for cigarettes and asks how he can help her. She confronts him about his decision to try to put Soso on antidepressants. She thinks he should have talked through the problem first. He said that they did talk through it, and he decided to take action before things got worse. She criticizes his reaction to Soso's problems and emotions. He says that she's his counselee and he has a masters in social work, to which she responds that she has a masters in psychology. Berdie thinks that it would be best if she took on Soso. Healy tries to relate this to the fact that they're both women and they're both racial minorities. Healy hands over Soso's file and Berdie makes a comment about it being what's good for Soso. Healy sarcastically salutes Berdie and asks if that's all, ma'am. She sarcastically dismisses him.

Taystee finds Poussey reading the new Time Hump Chronicles chapter. She's distraught that Edwina went back to Captain Rodcocker. Poussey is mad that the whole book is just about sex. Taystee points out that it's smut. She then discovers that Poussey is slurring and drunk. Taystee looks mad, disappointed, and worries as a drunken Poussey continues to rant about love and sex and Rodcocker. Taystee tries to help Poussey up and tries to convince her to go to AA but Poussey refuses help, questioning why she always has to do what Taystee says. Poussey asks if AA would make her feel useful, give her someone to have a future with. Taystee assures her that she'll have her, but Poussey says it's not enough. She's lonely and feels she'll always be lonely. Taystee helps Poussey up and Poussey cries and embraces her and admits that she needs help. Taystee tells her she can't do it alone and Poussey agrees.

Danny asks a CO, Kowalski, where Caputo is. He left early for his band rehearsal, so Danny calls him. Caputo asks about the meeting and the new expenditures, and Danny brushes the questions off, telling him to just worry about staying at his job until his shift is done. Caputo responds by agreeing and calling him Pearson. Danny tells him off, asking him to call him Danny, "as I have multiple times". Danny hangs up with a mixture of false friendliness and exasperated assertiveness. Caputo asks if the band can just jam, after the phone call. The band starts playing with Caputo singing. He begins improvising lyrics that are clearing about Danny, using the word buddy, including the line "You say you're not the warden/But you're the f*cking warden".

Taystee's walking down the hall in the morning and passes the recreation room, where Norma's group are all sitting in a circle, praying (it looks like), and Poussey is in the middle. She opens her eyes to see Taystee and looks ashamed. Norma nods at Gina, who closes the doors.

Alex and Piper are playing cards in the rec room. Alex asks about her progress with Bayley, and Piper has met with him about the business and not had to do any sexual favors (yet, as she adds). Lolly watches Alex intently from a nearby table. Alex brings it up to Piper and Piper decides to confront Lolly. She asks her if she's staring at Alex, and she says she is, because Alex is staring at her. Alex rolls her eyes. Piper admits that it makes sense and tells Alex that Lolly's harmless. Alex is still suspicious but moves on.

Flashback to Alex being taken to some kind of basement that's Kubra's headquarters. She tries to explain herself to him but he doesn't want to hear it. Kubra says he didn't kill him for missing the airport pick up. He didn't kill him for wasting time, money, and resources on business investments. He killed him because he was too lazy and didn't even call in. Kubra needs everyone to pull their weight and be focused, and feels that Alex isn't feeling focused. He asks if she agrees and she does. He suddenly pulls up a chair and sits down with her and tells her that she needs to take care of herself. He says he'll find her a rehab center near Northampton so she'll be close to home. He says that he can be forgiving, and that he is her friend, not Fahri.

Maureen is masturbating in her bed to the new chapter of Time Hump Chronicles. She starts talking to her bunkmate, Lolly, who is writing something down, about how time humping works. Maureen continues to talk about the book and why she should read it while Lolly watches Alex and takes notes on her. She's taking notes on her exact schedule. It's implied that she is there to kill Alex