Silicon Valley (TV Series)
The Cap Table (2014)
Thomas Middleditch: Richard Hendricks
Photos
Quotes
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Jared : So, um, can you kinda catch me up on what you see as your role in the company? What do you do?
Gilfoyle : What do I do? System architecture, networking and security. No one in this house can touch me on that.
Jared : Okay, that's good to know.
Gilfoyle : But does anybody appreciate that? While you were busy minoring in gender studies and singing a capella at Sarah Lawrence, I was gaining root access to NSA servers. I was one click away from starting a second Iranian Revolution.
Jared : I actually went to Vassar.
Gilfoyle : I prevent cross-site scripting. I monitor for DDoS attacks, emergency database rollbacks, and faulty transaction handlings. The Internet - heard of it? - transfers half a petabyte of data minute; do you have any idea how that happens? All those YouPorn ones and zeroes streaming directly to your shitty little smartphone day after day, every dipshit who shits his pants if he can't get the new dubstep Skrillex remix in under twelve seconds? It's not magic, it's talent and sweat. People like me ensure your packets get delivered unsniffed. So what do I do? I makes sure that one bad config on one key component doesn't bankrupt the entire fucking company. That's what the fuck I do.
Richard : ...That's basically what I told him.
Gilfoyle : Listen, wherever we end up here I just wanna say that I feel I should get more equity than Dinesh.
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Erlich : You need to completely change who you are, Richard. A complete Teutonic shift has to happen.
Richard : Tectonic.
Erlich : What?
Richard : A "tectonic" shift is the earth's crust moving around. "Teutonic", which is what you just said, is an ancient Germanic tribe that fought the Romans. They were originally from Scandinavia...
Erlich : Stop it! Stop it. You're being a complete tool right now. I need you to be a complete asshole.
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Richard : You didn't say shit about any business plan before today and neither did he. You know he was kind of being an asshole back there.
Erlich : Yeah, that's why he's a billionaire. Because he knows how and when to be an asshole. That's what you need to be like. You do, Richard.
Richard : Whatever.
Erlich : If you continue to mismanage this company giving ten percent to whoever Obviously, you know, we can't go back on my shares. That ship has sailed but from here on out.
Richard : Now you're being an asshole.
Erlich : You say that like it's a bad thing. Richard, if you're not an asshole, it creates this kind of asshole vacuum and that void is filled by other assholes, like Jared.
