Angie Harmon: Jane Rizzoli

The Best Laid Plans

Jane Rizzoli

Dr. Maura Isles: Shall we?
Detective Jane Rizzoli: Not so fast, professor! Why are you trying to get out of teaching this class?
Dr. Maura Isles: I told you: because of my love and devotion for you about all.
Detective Jane Rizzoli: No, didn't sell it! What's up?
Dr. Maura Isles: The department head, he told me that he is so excited about my syllabus that he wants it to be a course of credit.
Detective Jane Rizzoli: Okay, how is that bad news?
Dr. Maura Isles: I'll have to give grades! Yet I don't want that burden on my shoulders. I'm still scared over that A-minus biochemistry incident in 1996! I cannot imagine just crushing the spirit of young body minds like that!

Dr. Maura Isles: [Talking to hairbrush] Five sigma is fun, but forensics solves crimes. Ah. Five sigma is fun, but forensics solves crimes! Chin up.
Detective Jane Rizzoli: [Walks in] I cannot believe what my mother... what you're doing?
Dr. Maura Isles: [starts brushing, while hiding notes] 89, 90, 91... just ehm, I am doing my usual 100 brushes a day! What does it look like I am doing?
Detective Jane Rizzoli: It looks like you're singing into your hairbrush practicing for your summer camp talent show.
Dr. Maura Isles: It's absurd! The camps I went to never had talent shows!
Detective Jane Rizzoli: What's that
[picks up notes]
Detective Jane Rizzoli: ? Thrombotic... thrombocytopenic. These are the worst lyrics ever!

Detective Jane Rizzoli: How many times has he called?
Dr. Maura Isles: By my count: a lot; 27 to be exact.
Detective Jane Rizzoli: If he hasn't already sent a governors-aid over here to shut you down, he will do so, very soon. So you're almost done?
Dr. Maura Isles: Eh, yes, I am moving as fast as I can, while still following protocol. I have ruled out seizures due to heart attack, epilepsy, stroke, meningitis, encephalitis or toxoplasmosis. There is one other possibility.
Detective Jane Rizzoli: And instead testing for that you are buying a gold fish?
Dr. Maura Isles: No I'm setting up a variation of the pyrogallol test.

Dr. Maura Isles: Wauw! Wauw! That is... wauw! You see what I mean?
Detective Jane Rizzoli: I am still grasping. What do the bubbles mean?
Dr. Maura Isles: Eh, well first of in a kinetic and spectro electronic chemistry...
Detective Jane Rizzoli: No!
Dr. Maura Isles: Ehm, the mechanism of redox reaction...
Detective Jane Rizzoli: No squared!
Dr. Maura Isles: The release of gas bubbles indicate that there was air in Chelsea's heart.

Detective Jane Rizzoli: Latin card and a metaphor plant? He could be your soul mate. Or your clone!
Dr. Maura Isles: The truth is I have been doing a field study on dating for over 10 years and I can no longer ignore the results: there is no Mr. Right out there for me!
Detective Jane Rizzoli: Maura, come on! Right, you can't look at relationships like they are scientific experiments
Dr. Maura Isles: The guy with who I had the most amazing sexual chemistry with: a face licker!
Detective Jane Rizzoli: Yeah.
Dr. Maura Isles: And the next guy who I had feelings for ended up dead and I was framed for his murder.
Detective Jane Rizzoli: To be fair: getting murdered was not his fault! For all we know he... he could have been a wonderful boyfriend
Dr. Maura Isles: And then the guy who said that he wanted my body, he meant it literally, because he was a serial killer who made sculptures out of dead women bodies!
Detective Jane Rizzoli: Yes that was unfortunate. But would a serial killer send you a romantic metaphor plant?
Dr. Maura Isles: I am not sure. The nerium oleander has two meanings: it's rare and beautiful and also deadly!
Detective Jane Rizzoli: Really? You would think a guy would brush up his botany before sending you a tree with mixed messages.

Angela Rizzoli: So this is a cause for celebration.
Jane Rizzoli: Why, 'cause we solved the case, but we didn't get the credit?
Angela Rizzoli: No, because you didn't get fired, and Maura's pretty sure she's not dating a serial killer!

Jane Rizzoli: Where were you the night she died?
Larry Rothsburgher: I was... at home, my wife was out of town, so I was by myself.
Jane Rizzoli: Doing what?
Larry Rothsburgher: Reading.
Jane Rizzoli: Reading what?
Larry Rothsburgher: Proust.
Vince Korsak: I didn't think anyone still read Proust.
Jane Rizzoli: Which one of Proust's many books were you reading?
Larry Rothsburgher: Look, I'm telling you the truth!
Jane Rizzoli: You have motive, access, and your alibi is not only flimsy, it's kind of pretentious.

Jane Rizzoli: I've never seen you like this. You're swooning!
Maura Isles: To swoon is to faint from emotion.
Jane Rizzoli: I know, but I don't have a word for singing in a sexy voice into your hairbrush.

Vince Korsak: That would be a good theory, but I just met with Larry, Jr. and his lawyer, and I might have implied that our case is air tight and that Larry, Jr. is two steps away from death row.
Jane Rizzoli: Massachusetts doesn't have the death penalty.
Vince Korsak: My point was made. Larry admitted he lied about his alibi to protect his marriage.
Jane Rizzoli: He was with another woman.
Vince Korsak: He was being intimate with two other women. And one man. At the same time. And unfortunately, there's video, for our eyes only. Did I say 'ours'? I meant yours.
[tosses the thumb drive to Frankie]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Oh, come on guys, don't do this to me.
Jane Rizzoli: It's a chain of command thing, Bud. I'm sorry; our hands are tied.
[Frankie looks at Korsak, who shakes his head. Frankie sighs dejectedly and walks away with the thumb drive]

Maura Isles: Oh, and the reason you don't know that is because you've never stayed awake long enough to see one full episode.
Jane Rizzoli: It's called meditating. It's how I focus; you've never respected that.
Maura Isles: The puddle of drool makes it hard.

Maura Isles: He's smart and he's funny, and he may actually be a grownup.
Jane Rizzoli: [excited] Seriously?
Maura Isles: And when I look at him, I picture us having sex, if you get my drift.
Jane Rizzoli: It'd be impossible not to.