- Christy: [Christy has been mugged, but Bonnie does not believe her] I did get mugged!
- Bonnie: Sure, you did. Let me guess, he was a big scary looking black guy?
- Christy: He was!
- Bonnie: Shame on you, Christy!
- Christy: It's not my fault he perpetuates a stereotype!
- Bonnie: Save it! We don't have time for your racism. Now do we have any cash for our heartless Armenian landlord?
- Mr. Perugian: Who' you?
- Bonnie: Who're you?
- Mr. Perugian: The landlord. Is Crusty in?
- Bonnie: Crusty?
- Mr. Perugian: Crusty Plunkett!
- Bonnie: Oh, *that* Crusty.
- Bonnie: Well that's it, the sheriff will come in the morning and we'll be evicted.
- Christy: I don't want to put the kids through all that.
- Christy: [throws open Roscoe's door and turns on the lights] Roscoe, get packed! We're going on a surprise vacation!
- Bonnie: [offscreen] Violet, get packed! We're skipping out on the rent!
- Christy: [half whispering at the AA meeting] So what brings you here?
- Jill Kendall: [half whispering] Uh, I got a DUI, my husband left me, and I tried to commit suicide.
- Christy: [loudly] Oh my God, you're gonna do *great* here!
- Christy: [to her mom and kids after they move into a motel room] Look on the bright side... we get HBO now!
- Christy: [clearing a table] Look at all the stuff they left... this is good scotch! What is wrong with people?
- [picks up a half empty glass of wine, downs it]
- Christy: Uh oh.
- [looks around]
- Christy: What's done is done.
- [downs scotch, goes to table with INS retirement party, picks up glass and starts drinking]
- Christy: They're all in the freezer.
- [enters kitchen with a wine bottle and disheveled clothes]
- Christy: Okay, which one of you sorry sons of bitches is horny?
- [wakes up gasping, runs out to the living room]
- Christy: Mom, I had a horrible drunk dream.
- Bonnie: [muffled voice] That's okay, honey.
- [wrapping a rubber cord around her wrist]
- Bonnie: Now be a dear and tie Mommy off.
- Christy: [wakes up gasping, runs out to living room, Bonnie's asleep, nudges her] Mom?
- Bonnie: [half asleep] What?
- Christy: [sighs in relief] Nothing. Just checking.
- [goes back to bed]
- Bonnie: [pause, turns over wide eyed] What?