Mom (TV Series)

Hepatitis and Lemon Zest (2014)

Anna Faris: Christy Plunkett

Photos 

Quotes 

• Christy : [Bonnie talks about a friend's idiot daughter who didn't pay the rent]  Wait, you don't have any friends!

  Bonnie : No, but I have an idiot daughter.

  Christy : That was the landlord at the door, wasn't it?

  Bonnie : Yes, *Crusty*!

• Christy : [Christy has been mugged, but Bonnie does not believe her]  I did get mugged!

  Bonnie : Sure, you did. Let me guess, he was a big scary looking black guy?

  Christy : He was!

  Bonnie : Shame on you, Christy!

  Christy : It's not my fault he perpetuates a stereotype!

  Bonnie : Save it! We don't have time for your racism. Now do we have any cash for our heartless Armenian landlord?

• Bonnie : Well that's it, the sheriff will come in the morning and we'll be evicted.

  Christy : I don't want to put the kids through all that.

  Christy : [throws open Roscoe's door and turns on the lights]  Roscoe, get packed! We're going on a surprise vacation!

  Bonnie : [offscreen]  Violet, get packed! We're skipping out on the rent!

• Christy : [half whispering at the AA meeting]  So what brings you here?

  Jill Kendall : [half whispering]  Uh, I got a DUI, my husband left me, and I tried to commit suicide.

  Christy : [loudly]  Oh my God, you're gonna do *great* here!

• Christy : Give me a sec, let me think.

  [draws an imaginary box and stands to the side of it, pause] 

  Christy : I need another box!

  [draws a second imaginary box and stands to the other side of it] 

• Christy : Remember when I used to bet on football, basketball?

  Bonnie : Yeah, you sucked at it.

  Christy : [whispers]  I still do.

• Bonnie : You gambled away the rent money?

  Christy : You are not listening to me. There never WAS any rent money. That money was supposed to *get* us the rent money.

• Christy : [to her mom and kids after they move into a motel room]  Look on the bright side... we get HBO now!

• Christy : [clearing a table]  Look at all the stuff they left... this is good scotch! What is wrong with people?

  [picks up a half empty glass of wine, downs it] 

  Christy : Uh oh.

  [looks around] 

  Christy : What's done is done.

  [downs scotch, goes to table with INS retirement party, picks up glass and starts drinking] 

  Christy : They're all in the freezer.

  [enters kitchen with a wine bottle and disheveled clothes] 

  Christy : Okay, which one of you sorry sons of bitches is horny?

  [wakes up gasping, runs out to the living room] 

  Christy : Mom, I had a horrible drunk dream.

  Bonnie : [muffled voice]  That's okay, honey.

  [wrapping a rubber cord around her wrist] 

  Bonnie : Now be a dear and tie Mommy off.

  Christy : [wakes up gasping, runs out to living room, Bonnie's asleep, nudges her]  Mom?

  Bonnie : [half asleep]  What?

  Christy : [sighs in relief]  Nothing. Just checking.

  [goes back to bed] 

  Bonnie : [pause, turns over wide eyed]  What?

• Christy : It felt so real, like I'd just thrown away this whole year.

  Marjorie : Slip dreams are very common. I've been sober 33 years and I still have them. In one of them, I snorted blow off Tom Jones' ass.

  Christy : Who's Tom Jones?

  Marjorie : [glares at her]  Thanks for ruining a wonderful dream.