Cross Wars (2017) Poster

(2017)

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1/10
Don't cross this war
TheLittleSongbird20 September 2018
Did not want to dislike 'Cross Wars'. It was again not a bad, if not new, premise, Vinnie Jones has given alright performances in the past and Danny Trejo has saved (or nearly) bad films (and he has been in a lot of them). It had potential to work, and would have done with effort being obvious and like those in front of and behind the camera had their hearts in it.

Neither of which can be seen with 'Cross Wars', something that is really quite unforgivable. Being one of the worst films seen recently and nearly ever, 'Cross Wars' is being a very poor film with no redeeming traits and a lot of things done absolutely terribly. There is not much to add to what has been said very well already and the review is at the risk of repeating what has been said. Just for the record, 'Cross Wars' was watched with an open mind and not without the intent or want to dislike, let alone hate, the film, quite the contrary.

All the acting ranges from insipid to terrible, nobody looks engaged or at ease. Jones phones in and lacks vigour and intensity for a role needing both for it to work, while Trejo tries the hardest of everybody but hams it up so much it's like he belonged somewhere else. In all fairness the characters are clichéd and are never engaging or easy to get behind, didn't care or endear to any of them.

The chemistry is static, likewise with the barely existent direction that indicates someone who took part in a bet/dare and lost it by a landslide without realising the amount of work needed in making a film. The script is from start to finish is a cringe, weep and toe curl-fest.

Furthermore, the story has no tension or suspense whatsoever, is very lifelessly paced and executes a very derivative if slightly intriguing idea with no imagination or originality. Basically non-stop indifferent dullness and predictability that is so overdone in the cheesiness and silliness, if it was meant to take itself seriously that was not done. 'Cross Wars' has a very dreary, one-note and less than slick visual style with well below average visuals and no attempt at authenticity. The sound is monotonous and over obvious, while the lighting lacks atmosphere and consistently and the photography lacks focus and often static in the more dramatic scenes.

In conclusion, awful with a noticeable lack of effort (apart from Trejo who goes overboard with it). 1/10 Bethany Cox
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1/10
Clearly a prank or parody ...
noxcuces20 July 2017
....or the result of a bet, to make the worst thing ever made in the history of anything ever recorded by a camera.

The good reviews on here are so funny I actually laughed myself to a little tear. Or they could be sarcastic in which case they are brilliant.

Needless to say I did not watch this eye-rape till the end.
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1/10
Wasted time.
slackware-3883324 February 2017
There are no actors in this movie. These are just people off the street reading lines off a white board. Tom Sizemore and Danny Trejo do appear in this flick but they forgot how to act. The writing was grade school level. And don't even get me started on the "special effects", even the guns they shoot use horrible special effects for the muzzle blast. What is really strange though is there is one scene of action early on then there is nothing but dialog for about an hour. Really bad dialog. This show is probably the worst film ever made. That's all I got to say 'bout that.
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1/10
Lowest budget possible
robertebrown-688852 August 2019
This had to be filmed before CGI became a thing, Danny Trejo couldn't have saved this 2017 titanic. If this had been released back when wired stunts were a thing (not that they stopped). The graphics of this movie, as far as the action (gun fire and explosions) are completely disappointing to call myself watching. The previous Cross film was better by far and far more appealing to the pallet and imagination.
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1/10
prize winner!!
zatoulis11 February 2018
I think we should give them credit for making the worst movie of the 21st century. It will take a long time to beat this achievement. Well done !!!
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4/10
Adios Amigos
nogodnomasters5 August 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Kids read from comic book #2 and the film is the story, apparently a series of tales. Vinnie Jones is a bad guy who is immortal (making a series easy). He teams up with Danny Trejo to destroy the universe with a slow moving "free flying quark" machine...red quarks anyway. It is about the size of a basketball with a couple of tubes coming out of it. No need for mile long silly accelerators. They need the power of the cross amulet and set a trap for Callan (Brian Austin Green) a good guy fighter with a crew of people which include a bunch of girls who can take a punch to the face, but can't lift their legs above their waist (okay one can.) The fighting choreography was bad. They did their best not to show any real fighting with single moves and cut-aways. The acting and dialogue was sad. The film was made for a nine year old who watches a lot of violence and killing. There seems to be an ultimate war of good vs evil involving magical amulets and high technology, but they avoid any theological references...a faith based action thriller for people without faith. One of the more boring action films I have seen.

Guild: Mild swearing (bastard, damn). No sex or nudity.
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1/10
What a Joke!!
haddesah1 January 2018
Warning: Spoilers
Just sat watching this today as there was not much else to watch, and thought ok its got some action in it at the beginning, so I'll give it a chance. But it was dreadful and just dragged on and on. The acting wasn't too bad... I've seen far worse, but no Oscars here... not even nominated!! The special effects were very amateurish, shoddy and substandard. This is more for young teens then adults. The touches of banter and attempts at humour was awful and flat. The relationships were so bad it was as if they were still reading from their scripts as there was no chemistry between anyone. Its baaaaad!!! .... don't bother watching it!
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2/10
A film of all time
captainsilverink28 September 2022
You actually have to go out of your way to be this bad

It's kind of marvellous.

Every line of dialogue feels stilted and unnatural. None of the jokes are funny. The action is empty and the effects laughable.

Worse than the worst episodes of Arrow or Smallville.

An excuse for the director to have a bunch of hot people hang out together. The afterparty they had must have been more exciting than the movie.

Truly worse than porn level acting, which is probably why I'm so erect right now, or maybe it's because this movie is so perfectly garbage that all the blood had to leave my brain in order to keep me alive after watching this.

Impressively boring as a movie, worth a so bad it's good watch with your friends.
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2/10
An actual 2 for a change !
cimorellisteve3 October 2021
One of my biggest issues is how poorly the scoring can on these reviews. So many times a decent movie is a legit 6 and worth a watch but the rating is off due to someone who has no business rating anything. They don't like the genre or one of the actors and they'll give it a 1 or a 2. Same with the friends of the film that tell you it's an underrated "Citizen Kane" and it's a 9 or 10. Please just stop scoring anymore-however this is a legit 1. Sit back and Embrace the Suck. OMG !
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2/10
Would have been a 5... I like cheesy flics, bur....
phil-9105923 November 2021
The black clown doing the.awful Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop impression utterly destroyed , bad movie... I can forgive the bad acting, bad dialog and bad special effects, but when so much time is given to such an an utterly unlikeable character.... No. No forgive that.
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Nice
Kirpianuscus5 July 2020
One of films nice for actors and for absurd story. And for the frame. Yes, in this case, nice is reasonable synonime for silly. But it works.It is a good present for Sean Austen after decades by Beverly Hills , some animation , Vinnie Jones as the Evil and a top modern fairy tale. So, just nice. If you ignore large parts of IT.
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Cult Classic in the Horizon!
mvoight831 February 2017
I remember Friday nights with the family was a trip to blockbuster, and that's what made my weekends so special growing up. Being a big movie buff seeing everything from blockbuster hits to low budget indi flicks allowed me to appreciate filmmaking and its purpose. That main purpose was to entertain, and that's what the first Cross did for me with old school names like Michael Clarke Dunkin, Tom Sizemore, Brian Austin Green, Vinnie Jones (baddass!) and that crazy Wacky dude from StarShip Troopers, Jake Busey. I thought it was kind of fun with some one liners that made me chuckle and go back in time and visualize that these household names were built on mannerisms like these. I also thought it was kind of cool that they mixed an all star cast like this that come from different career backgrounds and made a Superhero vs super-villain movie out of it. I'm Looking forward to the non stop action packed popcorn chomping last movie on the blockbuster shelf again. I'm excited to see what Cross Wars has to offer with Danny Trejo and the rest of the Cross gang at it again. Future Cult Classic in the horizon!
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Thumbs Up!!!
hopemjordan1 February 2017
Warning: Spoilers
This action packed flick has cult classic written all over it. It's one of those films you'll want to see more than once, due to its clever exhibition of good winning over evil. From its thoughtful dialogue to zinger one liner's, and even BlackFire's witty banter throughout, Cross War's is entertaining to say the least. The audience is treated to an old comic book style narrative that leads up to what turns into a live action packed film. It's a comic book adventure with gun toting babes, teams of dutiful munition experts, a superhero, and let's not leave outÂ…villains and their weapons of mass destruction! Audiences will be entertained with some awesome action and fight scenes throughout the film! Cross Wars is truly an enjoyable film that uses comic relief to lend even more flavor and a nice twist to the more traditional comic books.
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