- Sheldon Cooper: Arthur. I thought you were dead.
- Arthur Jeffries: I am. It's fantastic. I mean this is the longest I've gone without running into a men's room in years.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why are you here?
- Arthur Jeffries: I don't know. I was hoping I was going to haunt my ex-wife.
- Sheldon Cooper: I know why. You've come to me because you're my Obi Wan.
- Arthur Jeffries: I'm not... I'm not familiar with that... Is that an internet?
- Sheldon Cooper: Wow. You're dead so I'm gonna let that slide. Obi Wan Kenobi is a character from Star Wars. After his physical demise he comes to Luke Skywalker as his mentor in spirit form.
- Arthur Jeffries: Well, that clears that up.
- Sheldon Cooper: You must be here to give me advice.
- Arthur Jeffries: [Appears in Obi Wan Kenobi Jedi robes] Well this... this is weird. Most of my robes open in the back.
- Sheldon Cooper: Those are your Jedi robes.
- Arthur Jeffries: Oh wait... what? What... what is this?
- [Activates light saber]
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, be careful with that!
- Arthur Jeffries: Whoa. Whoa. Oh, neato.
- [Waves light saber around]
- Arthur Jeffries: I'm uh. I'm going to need a band-aid.
- Sheldon Cooper: When Obi Wan came to Luke on this very spot he gave him all sorts of helpful advice. So, um, what have you got for me?
- Arthur Jeffries: Um, always get a pre-nup.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's it? I thought there would be more of a reason why you are here.
- Arthur Jeffries: Why do you think I'm here?
- Sheldon Cooper: I suppose it has something to do with your recent passing.
- Arthur Jeffries: Is this the first time you lost someone close to you?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh no, no. I already had to say good-bye to eleven Dr. Who's.
- Arthur Jeffries: Yeah, I out lived a few of my doctors, too.
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course my grandfather died when I was five and my father died when I was fourteen.
- Arthur Jeffries: I'm sorry about that.
- Sheldon Cooper: And now you're gone too. It's like all the men I've looked up to have gone away.
- Arthur Jeffries: You know it's all right to be sad about it, but just make sure appreciate those who are still there for you.
- Sheldon Cooper: But I do appreciate them.
- Arthur Jeffries: Well then what am I doing in the swamp dressed like Friar Tuck? Appreciate them Sheldon.
- Arthur Jeffries: Where are we?
- Sheldon Cooper: This is the swamp land of Degobah. It's where Luke was trained in the ways of the Jedi.
- Arthur Jeffries: Oh, too bad. I thought it was Florida.
- Sheldon Cooper: Gentlemen, since Star Wars' Day is rapidly approaching we should finalize our plans.
- Penny: That's a real thing? What is it? Star Wars' Christmas?
- Howard Wolowitz: No, don't be ridiculous. That's Wookie Life Day.
- Sheldon Cooper: What are you doing?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Comforting you?
- Sheldon Cooper: Your heart might be in the right place, but your head, chest and arms certainly aren't.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Arthur passing away was harder on Sheldon than he's ready to admit. I'm hoping this will cheer him up.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Me too. Although it might have been thoughtless of us to make a Death Star cake.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: No, it combines two of Sheldon's favorite things. Chocolate chips and the ability of destroying a planet at the push of a button.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Well, anyway, it'll be a nice surprise for the boys. And Howie doesn't think I take his interests seriously, so hopefully this will keep him fooled for a while.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I regret not saying yes when you asked me to marry you.
- Penny: Well, that just wasn't the right time.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah.
- Penny: And this is also not the right time to propose.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What?
- Penny: I know that face; that's your propose face.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I was not going to propose. It's already two to one.
- Penny: What two to one?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I proposed twice, you proposed once. It's two to one.
- Penny: Oh my God. It's not a contest.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know what you're upset about. I'm the one who is losing.
- Penny: Fine. Would you feel better if I proposed and you could turn me down again?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I think I would.
- Penny: OK, Leonard. Will you marry me?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hm.
- Penny: No, don't you dare. You reject me right now and tie things up.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's should a big decision I don't want to have any regrets.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I got into science because I was the smallest kid in school so I thought if I became a scientist I can invent a formula that can make me taller.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: That's cute.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Yeah. I thought it was working for a while, but then I just found out my brother was lowering the pencil marks on the door frame. How about you?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I guess it must have begun back when I was in the girl sprouts.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Girl sprouts?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: My mom made it up as an alternative to the Girl Scouts. She didn't want me selling cookies on some street corner like a whore.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: How did that get you into science?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, I went to the library to check out a book on biology to see what whores did.
- Leonard Hofstadter: On the one hand if I say yes.
- Penny: It isn't funny anymore. Just say no so we're done with this. Will you marry me or not?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Ooo. Interesting. Did you propose to me again?
- Penny: No.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Really, because I just hear "will you marry me?" That's two proposals in one day. Sounds like someone wants to spend of their life telling people how to spell the name "Hofstadter".
- Penny: You know what? Fine. Do whatever you want.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, Penny, Don't get upset. Here. I love you, but no. I will not marry you.
- Penny: Thank you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Now about that second proposal. On the one hand...
- Sheldon Cooper: Well why do I need you now?
- Arthur Jeffries: Well as near as I can tell you fell asleep watching Star Wars and now you're dreaming you're watching Star Wars.
- Sheldon Cooper: So?
- Arthur Jeffries: Don't you see a problem there? I mean how you're spending your limited time on Earth.
- Sheldon Cooper: Not at all.
- Arthur Jeffries: OK. Good luck to you.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: This is fun. You don't see many spherical cakes.
- [the cake rolls off the table and onto the floor]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I wonder why that is?
- Howard Wolowitz: Some of the physical comedy of Jar-Jar is tough to watch.
- Leonard Hofstadter: At least they toned him down in the second one.
- Penny: Yeah, he is pretty stupid.
- Raj Koothrappali: Hey, we can say it. You can't.
- Arthur Jeffries: Here's a fun fact: after owls eat, they spit out the parts of their food that they can't digest, in the form of a pellet. Isn't that a hoot? We'll be right back after I fire my writers.
- Penny: [Trying to cry at Jeffries' funeral] No, I'm all dried up. You're a big crybaby, you start.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm not a crybaby.
- Penny: Toy Story 3?
- Leonard Hofstadter: The toys were holding hands in a furnace!
- Leonard Hofstadter: So, that was your first funeral. How was it?
- Penny: I don't mean to complain, but it was a bit of a bummer.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, when I die you can rent a bounce house.
- Sheldon Cooper: When Darth Vader struck down Obi-Wan, did Luke cry like a baby and go to his funeral?
- Penny: No, he blew up the Death Star! Why do I even know this?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm not going to the funeral... All those people blowing their noses. You can't tell the sick from the sad. I'll be at home celebrating Star Wars Day, as planned.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Are you sure you don't want to go say good-bye?
- Sheldon Cooper: Amy, mourning the inevitable is a complete waste of time.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: And watching a bunch of goofy space movies you've seen hundreds of times isn't?
- Sheldon Cooper: If we were in a physical relationship, you just lost sex tonight.
- Penny: [about Star Wars Day] So, when is it?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, it's not May the 5th, and it's not May the 3rd... it's May the 4th.
- Sheldon Cooper: Get it?
- Raj Koothrappali: May the fourth be with you?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm working on a Star Wars Day schedule. I have a window built in after Phantom Menace for complaining, but I'm worried an hour won't be enough.
- Raj Koothrappali: You know, I heard this way of watching the movies called the Machete Order, where you watch Episodes IV and V, then skip Episode I, watch II and III as a flashback, and then finish with VI.
- Howard Wolowitz: Okay, so you lose most of Jar Jar, all of the trade route talk and the boring Senate hearings, which is like watching C-SPAN with monsters.