The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Proton Transmogrification (2014)

Bob Newhart: Arthur Jeffries

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : Arthur. I thought you were dead.

  Arthur Jeffries : I am. It's fantastic. I mean this is the longest I've gone without running into a men's room in years.

  Sheldon Cooper : Why are you here?

  Arthur Jeffries : I don't know. I was hoping I was going to haunt my ex-wife.

  Sheldon Cooper : I know why. You've come to me because you're my Obi Wan.

  Arthur Jeffries : I'm not... I'm not familiar with that... Is that an internet?

  Sheldon Cooper : Wow. You're dead so I'm gonna let that slide. Obi Wan Kenobi is a character from Star Wars. After his physical demise he comes to Luke Skywalker as his mentor in spirit form.

  Arthur Jeffries : Well, that clears that up.

  Sheldon Cooper : You must be here to give me advice.

  Arthur Jeffries : [Appears in Obi Wan Kenobi Jedi robes]  Well this... this is weird. Most of my robes open in the back.

  Sheldon Cooper : Those are your Jedi robes.

  Arthur Jeffries : Oh wait... what? What... what is this?

  [Activates light saber] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, be careful with that!

  Arthur Jeffries : Whoa. Whoa. Oh, neato.

  [Waves light saber around] 

  Arthur Jeffries : I'm uh. I'm going to need a band-aid.

• Sheldon Cooper : When Obi Wan came to Luke on this very spot he gave him all sorts of helpful advice. So, um, what have you got for me?

  Arthur Jeffries : Um, always get a pre-nup.

  Sheldon Cooper : That's it? I thought there would be more of a reason why you are here.

  Arthur Jeffries : Why do you think I'm here?

  Sheldon Cooper : I suppose it has something to do with your recent passing.

  Arthur Jeffries : Is this the first time you lost someone close to you?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh no, no. I already had to say good-bye to eleven Dr. Who's.

  Arthur Jeffries : Yeah, I out lived a few of my doctors, too.

  Sheldon Cooper : Of course my grandfather died when I was five and my father died when I was fourteen.

  Arthur Jeffries : I'm sorry about that.

  Sheldon Cooper : And now you're gone too. It's like all the men I've looked up to have gone away.

  Arthur Jeffries : You know it's all right to be sad about it, but just make sure appreciate those who are still there for you.

  Sheldon Cooper : But I do appreciate them.

  Arthur Jeffries : Well then what am I doing in the swamp dressed like Friar Tuck? Appreciate them Sheldon.

• Arthur Jeffries : Where are we?

  Sheldon Cooper : This is the swamp land of Degobah. It's where Luke was trained in the ways of the Jedi.

  Arthur Jeffries : Oh, too bad. I thought it was Florida.

• Sheldon Cooper : Well why do I need you now?

  Arthur Jeffries : Well as near as I can tell you fell asleep watching Star Wars and now you're dreaming you're watching Star Wars.

  Sheldon Cooper : So?

  Arthur Jeffries : Don't you see a problem there? I mean how you're spending your limited time on Earth.

  Sheldon Cooper : Not at all.

  Arthur Jeffries : OK. Good luck to you.

• Arthur Jeffries : Here's a fun fact: after owls eat, they spit out the parts of their food that they can't digest, in the form of a pellet. Isn't that a hoot? We'll be right back after I fire my writers.