- General Hollanek: Jesus, you have got to be shitting me. You just shot a Javelin... at a fucking car. That's an eighty thousand dollar piece of ordnance. Can any of you geniuses tell be the Kelly Blue Book value of an 1989 Toyota pickup?
- Specialist Coughlin: There's only so much any of us have any control of, good or bad. If you didn't learn that in Afghanistan, you were not paying attention.
- Kim Baker: I'm wondering if you can give me something... on background, just about the security situation here and the state of the war in general.
- General Hollanek: Yeah, I can give you something... this war's like fucking a gorilla, you keep on going until the gorilla wants to stop.
- Kim Baker: I think I can paraphrase that.
- General Hollanek: Knock yourself out.
- Specialist Coughlin: I hope you got all that on film, ma'am,'cause that right there, that's what we do best. Hearts and minds: the two best places to shoot somebody.
- Kim Baker: What are we talking about, Fahim?
- Fahim Ahmadzai: The human body produces its own heroin. In fact, when the fight-or-flight instinct is activated in the hypothalamu, your body releases endorphins, dopamine and norepinephrine. That is heroin, cocaine and amphetamine, all at once.
- Kim Baker: Okay, great. Are we having the Afghan version of this conversation, where in New York we would have gotten to the point, like, five minutes ago?
- Fahim Ahmadzai: There is a reason to believe that a person can get addicted to this type of high. Soldiers, athletes...
- Kim Baker: War reporters. Got it.
- Fahim Ahmadzai: An addict always needs a greater and greater dosage. And then people make mistakes, people get hurt.
- Kim Baker: I get it. You're a newlywed. I can probably get them to go up to $125 a day.
- Fahim Ahmadzai: Let us have the American version of this conversation.
- Kim Baker: Okay.
- Fahim Ahmadzai: I do not want to work with you anymore.
- Tanya Vanderpoel: In Afghanistan, you're a serious piece of ass.
- Kim Baker: Thank you. Ohh, that's nice.
- Tanya Vanderpoel: Because you're what, I mean, you're like, a seven, a six, seven in New York? Here, you're a nine. Borderline ten. It's called "Kabul Cute."
- Kim Baker: What are you here, like a 15?
- Tanya Vanderpoel: Yeah.
- General Hollanek: While you're outside the wire with my men, you will in no way distract them. Understood?
- Kim Baker: Are you asking me not to sleep with your soldiers?
- General Hollanek: No, not soldiers. Marines. You're not here to sleep with or perform jobs of any type on my Marines.
- Tanya Vanderpoel: Can I fuck your security guys?
- Kim Baker: What?... By all means, yeah.
- Tanya Vanderpoel: Yeah? I mean, I wouldn't ask. It's just that for some reason, the VBC use an American contractor and, I mean, no offense, but they're all, like goatees and "fat-strong".
- Tall Brian: Brian Hooper. Tall Brian. I'm your shooter.
- Kim Baker: So, is there another Brian around here somewhere that you're taller than?
- Tall Brian: Short Brian. Works for Reuters.
- Kim Baker: Couldn't one of you just be Brian?
- Tall Brian: Fair enough, didn't think of that. Also, Short Brian's dead.
- Kim Baker: Where is Bin Laden?
- Iain MacKelpie: People think he's in Pakistan, right?
- Kim Baker: Yeah.
- [picks napkin]
- Kim Baker: You've got egg in your beard. Hang on.
- Iain MacKelpie: Thank you.
- Kim Baker: Your national animal is the unicorn.
- Iain MacKelpie: I think it's romantic.
- Kim Baker: That is the national animal of the kingdom I ruled when I was eight.
- Kim Baker: No, you are a bad friend. You are a bad friend. In America, I would get a book deal out of this shit! You can't just do this, OK? I haven't been on the air in months! My best friend here, almost died, and I am jealous of her. And I am just... Fuck this! All of it!
- Kim Baker: It's probably just a wedding somewhere nearby. They like to shoot off guns at weddings here. You get it, you're from Florida.
- Kim Baker: I drank too much water and I have to pee.
- Fahim Ahmadzai: Stop. Stop. I am engaged to be married.
- Kim Baker: Okay, Fahim, I know you like your women to be, like, beautiful, mysterious IKEA bags, okay? But we urinate, Doctor. Out of our vaginas.
- Fahim Ahmadzai: [Quoting Rumi] I ride after a deer and find myself chased by a hog. I plot to get what I want and end up in prison. I dig pits to trap others and fall in. I should be suspicious of what I want.
- Specialist Coughlin: [about losing his legs] I tried to go back but even the Army wouldn't take me. I mean, the Army! I mean, that's just hurtful.