- Sheldon Cooper: I'll condemn you internally, while maintaining an outward appearance of acceptance.
- Mary Cooper: [lovingly] That is very Christian of you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Mother.
- [Knock-knock-knock]
- Sheldon Cooper: Mother.
- [Knock-knock-knock]
- Sheldon Cooper: Mother.
- [Knock-knock-knock]
- Sheldon Cooper: Mother.
- Mary Cooper: Shelly. I'm so glad you're here.
- Sheldon Cooper: I saw you having naked sex.
- Mary Cooper: What are you talking about?
- Sheldon Cooper: Earlier I came here to surprise you. I looked in the window and I saw you with a man.
- Mary Cooper: Oh, Shelly. I'm so sorry. Come in. Um. Maybe we should sit down and talk about this.
- Sheldon Cooper: Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on?
- Mary Cooper: That's not funny. Maybe we should sit at the table.
- Raj Koothrappali: Sheldon is out of town so we can do whatever we want. We even ordered from the Thai place he doesn't like.
- Stuart Bloom: How is it?
- Penny: Disgusting. Do not tell him.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What do you guys want to do tonight?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't know.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I told Howie if I wasn't busy I'd spend the night at his Mom's. So for God sakes, think of something.
- Sheldon Cooper: How long have you been a demented sex pervert?
- Mary Cooper: That is no way to speak to your mother.
- Sheldon Cooper: Perhaps not. But is a way to speak to a woman who quoted the bible to me my whole life and then desecrated one of Ethan Allan's finest.
- Mary Cooper: I will give you one opportunity young man to apologize to me.
- Sheldon Cooper: Or what?
- Mary Cooper: Or I will send you to your room.
- Sheldon Cooper: That is ridiculous. I am a grown man, I am a professional scientist and currently occupy the moral high ground
- Mary Cooper: Go to your room.
- Sheldon Cooper: But I occupy the moral high ground.
- Mary Cooper: Go to your room.
- Sheldon Cooper: But I am a professional scientist.
- Mary Cooper: Go to your room.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm a grown man.
- Stuart Bloom: I think you're the best couple I know.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Ah.
- Penny: That's so sweet.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: What the hell?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Excuse me?
- Penny: Let the dead man talk. Why do you say that?
- Stuart Bloom: Well, I feel like you guys make each other better. Penny brought Leonard out of your shell. Seems like Leonard makes Penny think more deeply about the world. I don't know. Together you make one awesome person.
- Penny: Ah, Stuart. Now I feel bad for murdering you.
- Sheldon Cooper: I think what bothers me the most is the hypocrisy. Doesn't this contradict all the religious rules you've been expounding your whole life?
- Mary Cooper: You're right, it does. And it is something I have been struggling with these days.
- Sheldon Cooper: Then why are you doing it?
- Mary Cooper: Because I'm not perfect, Shelly, and that man's booty is.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, this is confusing for me. But I don't want to stand in the way of your happiness so I'll condemn you internally while maintaining an outward appearance of acceptance.
- Mary Cooper: That is very Christian of you.
- Raj Koothrappali: Welcome to another classic Kotherpali murder mystery dinner.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm leaving.
- Sheldon Cooper: I can't wait to see the look on her face. We're leaving right now.
- Howard Wolowitz: Why?
- Sheldon Cooper: Nothing.
- Howard Wolowitz: Sheldon. What's going on?
- Sheldon Cooper: I saw my Mommy with a naked man and she's trying to be a Mommy again.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Does the gazelle with a flair for storytelling know that he's just ripping off "Terminator".
- Leonard Hofstadter: Come on guys, Raj put a lot of effort into this. And it's great... not sad. It's great.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It might be fun to be somebody else tonight.
- Raj Koothrappali: Actually you're all just going to be yourselves.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, uck.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Yea, I won the Nobel Prize in physiology then I use the money to buy Stuart's comic book store and close it down so Sheldon will pay attention to me. Not the worst idea.
- Penny: Are you really gonna lie on the floor and pretend to be dead all night?
- Stuart Bloom: What do you think I was gonna do at home?
- Penny: Are you going to make us pretend to be a bunch of lame characters with silly accents?
- Raj Koothrappali: Lame characters with silly accents. What kind of an actress are you?
- Raj Koothrappali: Throughout the game feel free to ask each other questions to uncover the clues.
- Penny: Got it. Hey, who's the murderer?
- Raj Koothrappali: Any question but that.
- Penny: All right. Hey, who's not the murderer?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Do you really think we would drift apart if we really became successful?
- Penny: Of course not. If I became a famous actress if I had to move you'd just come with me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I got a chance to be a tenured professor I might not have that much chose where I end up.
- Penny: Yea, but if I become a successful actress we wouldn't need the money.
- Raj Koothrappali: Penny and Leonard, you two love birds are super-successful and living in New York. You're an actress. You're a professor and you have three beautiful kids.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Great.
- Penny: You're really putting this body through three kids?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Should you really be sitting in Sheldon's spot?
- Raj Koothrappali: He's in Texas. He'll never know.
- Penny: I wouldn't be so sure about that.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, he has a very sensitive butt.
- Amy Farrah Fowler, Raj Koothrappali, Penny, Bernadette Rostenkowski: ?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, it's true. Once I saw him sit on a bunch of loose change and add it up.
- Raj Koothrappali: Perhaps the killer dropped a fun and imaginative clue somewhere in the apartment.
- Penny: Ooh, I'm gonna check the fridge and see if there are any clues inside a beer.
- Howard Wolowitz: Good luck.
- Sheldon Cooper: Aren't you gonna come with me?
- Sheldon Cooper: While you confront your mother about her sex life? I'd rather go back to that bar in ass-less chaps.
- Sheldon Cooper: I thought you were waiting in the car.
- Howard Wolowitz: That was an hour ago, Sheldon. A jew sits in front of a house in Texas that long, For Sale signs start to go up.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You don't go into science for the money.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Speak for yourself! Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!