Steve Coogan credited as playing...
Lord Roderick Cravensworth
- Lord Roderick Cravensworth: You think I'd want this wretched homunculus for a body?
- Cravensworth Monster: I right here!
- Laszlo Cravensworth: [aiming his spirit vacuum] Well, you got five seconds before I suck you to kingdom come.
- Lord Roderick Cravensworth: The last time I heard that was on my penultimate visit to the cunny pot.
- Lord Roderick Cravensworth: If you're anything like my butler Cecil, you'll know how to anticipate his every need. And I do mean his every need. The G-spot. The erotic zone.
- Guillermo de la Cruz: Oh. No, sorry. It's not like that with your son and I.
- Lord Roderick Cravensworth: Cecil worked my whirligigs like a maypole. He was something of a psychosexual chess master.
- Guillermo de la Cruz: Could we talk about something else, maybe?
- Lord Roderick Cravensworth: But, Son, you don't understand what it's like, the place where I come from, where my spirit resides. It's fucking awful. All the classes are mixed together. I have to talk to poor people. I have to feign interest in the Welsh. I can't touch myself. It's hell. But if my ghost could inhabit a human body, I could begin life anew and have an orgasm again for the first time in 200 fucking years.
- Laszlo Cravensworth: Like when you humiliated me at Wimbledon.
- Lord Roderick Cravensworth: You can't play power tennis. There's no shame in that.
- Laszlo Cravensworth: You fucked my Latin tutor!
- Lord Roderick Cravensworth: Veni, vidi, veni. You got into Eton.