Seth MacFarlane credited as playing...
Peter Griffin • Brian Griffin • Stewie Griffin • Glenn Quagmire • Roger the Alien • Kool-Aid Guy
- Brian Griffin: Ah, I guess we're in a town called Springfield.
- Stewie Griffin: Springfield, eh, which state?
- Brian Griffin: I can't imagine we are allowed to say.
- Peter Griffin: [Homer strangles Peter] Ow, what the hell? That really hurts.
- Homer Simpson: No, it doesn't. I do it to my son all the time.
- Peter Griffin: You strangle your son? That's insane! No wonder he's fat and stupid and masturbates all the time.
- Homer Simpson: That's *your* son!
- Lois Griffin: Oh, this Springfield place looks nice. We should visit here again.
- Brian Griffin: I dunno, Lois. This seems like a one-shot deal.
- Peter Griffin: [soaring across Springfield Gorge in a UFO] We're gonna make it!
- Homer Simpson: Trust me, we're not.
- Peter Griffin: [after Homer drinks some Pawtucket Patriot Ale] That's pretty good, right?
- Homer Simpson: No.
- Peter Griffin: Huh?
- Homer Simpson: It's not good. This beer tastes exactly like Duff. It's just a lousy ripoff!
- Peter Griffin: Hey, whoa whoa whoa! It's not a ripoff of Duff! It may have been inspired by Duff, but I... I like to think it goes in a different direction.
- Homer Simpson: No, this is just the same as Duff, but, like, worse.
- Peter Griffin: Hey, come on, now, this is my favorite beer you're talkin' about. Hell, I work for the company. It's my livelihood.
- Moe Szyslak: [snatches the bottle of beer] Oh, yeah? Well, your livelihood is based on fraud. Look at this!
- [rips the Pawtucket Patriot Ale off the label revealing a Duff label]
- Moe Szyslak: Huh?
- Homer Simpson: [gasps] It is Duff!
- [to Peter]
- Homer Simpson: Your beer is in big trouble! You can't just slap a new label on something and call it your own!
- Peter Griffin: Well, maybe Duff should be in trouble for... You know, not being that great.
- Brian Griffin: Peter, you should see this. Your dishwasher cartoon has really outraged the online community.
- Peter Griffin: What? Gosh, it's not like the internet to go crazy about something small and stupid.
- Homer Simpson: If we're gonna find your car, we've got to think like a car. So let's fill up at that gas station.
- [a few moments later, they're both woozy from drinking gasoline]
- Peter Griffin: I feel sick.
- Homer Simpson: Keep drinking. I prepaid forty bucks.
- Chris Griffin: Dad, how long until we can go back home?
- Peter Griffin: Um, I don't know. How long do women hold grudges? Not very long, I'm guessing.
- Homer Simpson: [End of 'chicken fight' and ready to drop a boulder on Peter's head] Say 'hello' to Maude Flanders.
- Peter Griffin: [notices UFO is dislodging and going to fall on Homer] No. You say 'hello' to Muriel Goldman.
- Homer Simpson: Who?
- [UFO falls and smashes Homer into the ground. Peter walks into the sunset through Springfield Gorge]
- Stewie Griffin: He's like something out of Mark Twain.
- Brian Griffin: Whose real name was Samuel Clemens.
- Stewie Griffin: How... how does that further this conversation?
- Peter Griffin: [gloating] It appears that now I am the only one with radioactive powers, which will allow me to -
- [loses powers]
- Peter Griffin: Oh, I talked too long!
- Stewie Griffin: I know Apu's not your enemy, I just wanted to say, "I took Apu."
- Bart Simpson: [giggless] That IS funny - but the rest of this is messed up, man!
- Glenn Quagmire: How about one where you draw a sock and it says 'sock it to me', or maybe you draw Lois taking a hot tub dump and she just says whatever.
- Brian Griffin: [Santa's Little Helper barks at him] I'm sorry, I don't know ... That's a gutter language.