Smothered (2016)

Kane Hodder: Kane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chunks : Making a movie, right?

  Kane : Sorry?

  Chunks : You're Kane Hodder. The horror king. I was at the convention, you weren't at your table. Figured you must be making a movie here. Are they filming you know? Us... now?

  Kane : Yeah, and you're fucking up the shot, Nurse Ratchet.

• Kane : Damn it, Agness. Is he dead?

  Agness : Shit no. All he is, is wet. Missed and he's pissed himself.

  Randy : That's Agness? Dude. That chick would boil your rabbit.

• Kid : [to R.A]  Which one are you?

  Kane : That's R.A. Mihailoff. He's the shit. The real deal. He can't talk because his mother burned his tongue out with a curling iron when he was... Wait, how old are you?

  Kid : Eleven. I like the fourth quiltface better. The fourth quiltface was cool.

  Kane : The fourth quiltface was CGI.

  R.A. : I was eleven.

  Kid : If your mother burned your tongue out when you were eleven, how come you can talk now?

  R.A. : You're eleven now. How come you can talk?

  Kid : Because I'm alive, you moron.

  R.A. : I can fix that.

  [brings out a circular saw] 

• R.A. : You weren't in number three. Richard was number three.

  Kane : I know that. But he'd do the same for me. May God rest his soul.

  R.A. , Soggy Christian : May God rest his soul.

• Don : You gonna talk over him?

  Kane : We didn't bury him.

  Don : Well, it looked like you were gonna say something. So either say it or cover him the fuck up.

  Trixie : Poor R.A.

  Don : Why are we wasting our time with Thelma? There's a great RV just down the road.

  Randy : What the hell are you talking about?

  Don : Well... the old fucker's dead. He died of a heart attack or AIDS or some damn thing. And I had to shoot mini Cujo. So let's take his RV.

  Kane : So because he's dead, we can just take his RV?

  Don : He sure as fuck isn't gonna use it.

• Soggy Christian : Hey, where's Malcolm?

  Randy : Found a boat, his hat, spare tire but no Malcolm.

  Trixie : The hell did you get us into anyway, Kane?

  Kane : Got you into a thousand bucks, that's what.

  Trixie : Got us into a cluster fuck.

  Kane : Take needle dick here down to the old fucker's RV and bring it up here. At least all of us can sleep inside tonight.

  Don : Come on, bounce-boy.

  Randy : You old fuckers are funny.

• Kane : Today is Friday the thirteenth. We are the biggest stars in the biggest horror films in the history of horror films, and we can't give our pictures away! It's a shit day, R.A.! If Friday the 13th is shit then Saturday the 14th will be even shittier! Wake up and small the AARP card!

• Kane : It was you, you crazy bitch. You killed 'em all.

  Dee Dee : Don's dead. Just like all the rest of 'em. Isn't that all you horror guys want? Everyone just die?

  Kane : We're actors, you stupid bitch. It's fuckin' movies.

  Dee Dee : Go ahead. Pull the trigger. You're covered in gasoline you idiot. You'll lite yourself on fire. Again. Wouldn't that be fun... Kane.

  Kane : That's not how it happened.

  Dee Dee : You'll never do it. The hero never shoots the girl.

  Kane : I've never been the hero.

  [shoots Dee Dee] 

• R.A. : We call top bunk.

  Kane : Nobody calls top bunk.

  Soggy Christian : Who died and made you Thelma's king?

  Kane : She's my motorhome. I am the king of Thelma.

  Soggy Christian : Thelma is a Mini Winnie. And a Mini Winnie does not make a motorhome!

• Randy : Why can't you sleep outside, R.A.?

  R.A. : You'll laugh.

  Malcolm : R.A.! I won't laugh. I promise.

  R.A. : You will. You all will.

  Kane : R.A. We're your friends, we're not gonna fuckin' laugh! What?

  R.A. : I'm afraid of the dark.

  [they burst out in laughter]