Mob Handed (2016) Poster

(2016)

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1/10
Awful movie, awful characters
info-3103420 January 2017
This is by far the worst movie I have seen in a long time, a tale of a hideous pedofile ring, headed up by some very powerful people.

That's the story but the delivery is something else, a lead who clearly cannot act, a supporting actor who has elements of skil. But then you have the biggest collection of rejections I have ever seen, big names bought down to the very bottom of the ladder due to lack of work. Cathy Tyson from Mona Lisa bought to a quivering shell. That woman of Three Up Two Down who now seems like she's either detoxing from something or has severe Parkinson's and that guy Campling who will turn up in anything as long as he's give 50p to show up.

I'm sorry for the venom, but this is a spectacle of awfulness not bought one single positive spec. Photography is awful, story awful, performances awful.then there is the song, oh please England stop making films like this.
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2/10
Welcome To Madness
Theo Robertson29 April 2017
I don't know about you but watching paedophiles cry cheers me up no end . The greatest feel good show in the history of television was and remains TO CATCH A PREDATOR. If you thought that show was a little bit too tame for its own good then there's plenty paedophile stings you can watch on youtube where a bunch of concerned parents go under cover on the internet pretending to be young teens and turn up to meet an online groomer to give them serious verbals before the police turn up to arrest the groomer. Seeing the synopsis to MOB HANDED I thought I'd be watching a fictional slightly more extreme form of this where violent vigilantes extend their concern to execution. This isn't how the story unravels

Starting with a disclaimer that the views and opinions expressed don't necessarily reflect the views of the film company the first scene features a man masturbating over computer images. A gang rush in to an office , kidnap and execute him. It's very convenient that this film starts at this moment and you're not supposed to ask how in reality the gang knew to crash the office at this point. After all films have their own sense of reality but within a very short period of time you come to the realisation MOB HANDED has an air of reality (I use that word in its most ironic sense)never seen before in the history of cinema. There's a paedophile Illuminati and a Tory MP is kicking out against the establishment using a death squad to liquidate these nonces . If a Tory MP was using death squads to liquidate the unemployed I'd have no problem thinking it was a fly on the wall documentary but this is no documentary. I could go in to details involving plot turns but unless you've seen this deranged, insane straight to DVD rubbish you wouldn't believe me. I can only guess at the motives of the producers

1) It's an extension of Chris Morris satire "Nonce-Sense"

2)It's done as a favour to budding film makers in that they can give MOB HANDED to producers and say " If this film got funding then any screenplay can get funding, so fund my movie guv"

I might have given this film one out of ten but gets an extra point for being unforgettably awful

BTW if you're making a movie involving concerned law abiding citizens taking the law in their own hands don't cast real life gangsters and a convicted murderer in your movie
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1/10
Just Dreadful
jashby-846533 September 2018
If I could rate this lower I would , acting is more wooden than a fence , the story is horrific it basically has no redeeming features just steer clear .
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1/10
Pedo hell
Lostintranslation8921 July 2016
So I just watched this. I cannot describe what I've just seen, but as no doubt you can imagine it was not good. In fact, it was diabolical. You may ask you where many of the movies stars have been, as huge numbers of them are faces of yesterday bought into the present. Clearly in their departure from the big screen, or small screen, they have found things tough, and in some cases forgotten to act.

I heard about Mob Handed because Kim of Kim and Aggie appeared in promo pictures from the film, yet from the final cut, she's missing. I can only assume she saw the film and asked to be removed. I'm forced to remember a line by Hotel Inspectors Alex Politzi in which she say "I always think I've scraped the bottom of the barrel, but I haven't." That is an accurate statement for this movie.

This is far and wide the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life, terrible acting, wrongly portrayed reactions, confusing lacking plot. And the worst lead actress of any movie of all time. This film is shocking.
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1/10
Unbelievably bad film
ian_stewart-627515 February 2017
I was recommended this film by a friend, who had seen it and spread the word because in his words "you need to see how horrendous this is." Its like a lucky dip of absolute mess. The lead actress Yvette Rowland appeared in another rotten film of the same ilk called "Killer Bitch", which featured British porn stars who acted her off the screen, she was so bad. Amazingly she's even worse here.

There's an episode of Only Fools and Horses where Rodney Trotter is making a student film, and Del Boy is getting money off a bunch of people around the city to star in it. I can only assume this is how the casting process went here. There are people from every kind of Z-list TV area in this thing. Half the cast of the Bill shows up, I imagine because Celebrity Big Brother wasn't interested that month. Former child actors who haven't worked in years and haven't seen down the lens of a camera since they were caught stealing from Poundstretcher. Dave Courtney pops up in a tank. What?! Daniella Westbrook and Dirty Den arrive to bring the star power. Either Leslie Grantham hasn't got any work coming in anymore or he's on a mission to do something so embarrassing on camera that people forget about him sucking his finger on a webcam.

Basically the plot is that there is a pedo on the loose, who killed the daughter of the lead actress and now she's out for revenge. Only she portrays all the emotion of someone who isn't pleased that someone left the iron on. There's a lot of cockney accents saying "fakin' slag." The actors in this make Danny Dyer look like Laurence Olivier doing Hamlet. Its the pits. I was jealous of some of the torture scenes in this, because all I could say to the TV was "you don't know how good you've got it mate." The funniest thing about it is that the lead actress is listed as "producer" as well. If the whole film was meant to build up to that punchline then this film maybe knock off This Is Spinal Tap as the funniest movie ever. What a brilliant build. Either than or she's dating the bloke who is funding it (which seems way more likely), because there is no other way she'd be hired by anyone else to act.

You should watch it. It may be the worst film ever.
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4/10
I can help you
nogodnomasters13 March 2018
Warning: Spoilers
England is overrun by pedophiles and only a vigilante mob can handle the situation. Ava (Yvette Rowland), sensational TV journalist becomes a witness of her daughter's rape and murder and has no legal recourse.

The film started out as a decent crime grindhouse and falls off a cliff when Yvette Rowland comes into the picture. Horribly scripted.

Guide: F-word, sex, male nudity.
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1/10
Utter garbage.
marklaw-3780631 July 2020
I'm not sure what the writer and director were trying to achieve with this film, but they failed. A rambling series of disjointed scenes which were well-suited to late night showing on Channel London Live Sky117. That is, bad language and violence. Avoid.
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4/10
I Can Help You
mikeledo30 June 2017
Warning: Spoilers
England is overrun by pedophiles and only a vigilante mob can handle the situation. Ava (Yvette Rowland), sensational TV journalist becomes a witness of her daughter's rape and murder and has no legal recourse.

The film started out as a decent crime grind-house and falls off a cliff when Yvette Rowland comes into the picture. Horribly scripted.

Guide: F-word, sex, male nudity.
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1/10
Hellish
milanrho31 July 2017
Warning: Spoilers
I found this movie when searching for Jess Conrad after watching him in The Boys (1961). He resembled a young Tom Cruise. So finding him in this God awful movie was a hand of fate. Do not waste your time, there is nothing, nothing redeeming or worth watching in this disaster. The acting is laughable, story line ridiculous, and I feel terrible for watching even 15 minutes. I skipped through most of it just to see Jess Conrad as an older man. That's it. Don't do it, I'm warning you.
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2/10
Excruciating
Leofwine_draca22 November 2020
Warning: Spoilers
MOB HANDED is an excruciating British wannabe thriller, made with no budget whatsoever and only of passing interest due to the appearance of numerous TV and film stars of yesteryear, all of them now down on their luck and reduced to appearing in anything for a few coppers. You do get two Boyards for the price of one, Leslie Grantham and Christopher Ellison, although they sadly don't appear in the same scenes together. The rest is populated by stars as diverse as Lysette Anthony, Jess Conrad and Danielle Westbrook, if you can believe that. Lead actress Yvette Rowland gives the worst performance I can ever remember seeing in a movie, particularly in her final, rambling, endless speech which I can probably pinpoint as the worst bit of acting I've watched in my life. It's a pity this is so jaw-droppingly awful, as the subject matter is an extremely serious one and deserves to be dealt with in a respectful way.
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Very bad strange and interesting movie
searchanddestroy-119 March 2017
When I realized that there was an actor in this vigilante movie named Charles Bronson, I laughed. Charles Bronson, king of the seventies and eighties vigilante movies from the USA. Remember DEATH WISH long series..No user seems to have noted it. This very feature is so bad, so cheap but son fresh to watch in the same time. I was not bored only a second in this UK crime movie. And I begin to get used to UK crap. The British, crap, grade B - I would say - Z industry seemed to begin in the late nineties, although I discovered it only a couple of years ago through UK Amazon DVDs. But I sometimes found some good gems such as GUVNORS or TOP DOG. I still have batches to see. I will keep you informed, of course. See you soon.
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10/10
Great movie that brings out the truth of our flawed system
ms_julie-358-607951 August 2016
Warning: Spoilers
I think tho challenging to watch, it's a great story that NEEDED to be told. I'm in Australia, we are fast catching up to Britain on this story... There's more truth to this movie than you think, very well presented, It's about as tastefully presented as such a story can be. It highlights the depth of how such crimes affect people. It highlights how the courts treat such crimes with so much contempt it's vile. It highlights a growing frustration among politicians & citizens alike watching these criminals walk from courts free without accountability... It hi-lights the hierarchy of these crimes. It hi-lights the need for change in most western countries...
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5/10
Divisive and Deranged Exploitation
daniel-mannouch26 September 2016
Warning: Spoilers
God, where to start. First, i want to state that i have a lot of love for director Liam Galvin's feature debut Killer B*tch. One of, if not the only low budget British genre film of recent years that i re- visit without the feeling that i'm wasting my life on this arena of tax rebate shysters and am-dram hardens with RED's. Finally, out of this self-important, self-inflating filmmaking sub-culture, someone came out with psychotronic majesty. A film for the ages, time will show Killer B*tch to be the perfect time capsule of this era of independent British filmmaking. Not only are all the usual suspects responsible for the era (like in Mob Handed) are in front of screen, it's humour and vulgarity make it guaranteed it will find it's audience.

Now, with his second feature.... It is really difficult for me to review this film.

On one hand, it's pure tabloid style exploitation filled with righteous, populist anger like Fight For Your Life (1977) or Tenement (1985), sincere with it's aggression without forgetting to entertain as well as "inform".

On the other, it's a open call to murder, or at least very convincing of being one. No matter if the targets are pure scum. A subject matter so grim is at odds with the fist through glass through face directorial style and makes for an uncomfortable ride, which is the point i guess, but come on, you're killing these c**ts by motor-cross and Tank, then try to tell a sincere story about a mother's loss of her daughter. Pick an angle!

I guess I'm at that point that every fan of exploitation cinema dreads reaching when their limit is met and approach material that is just "no, that's just wrong". Whether it's the goat feeding in Top Sensation (1969) or near everything in Nekromantik (1987) or a certain piece from Serbia whose, let's be honest, only lasting legacy is going to be installing xenophobia in people, boundaries are met and those who laugh, laugh a little too hard.

Mob Handed meets that boundary for me. Yewtree and the V.I.P scandal have uncovered revelations that have put firm nails in that notion of a Great Britain. Moral exceptionalism that justified concentration camps in India and the Troubles is now rightfully seen as the barbaric mindset that it was and the exposure of these elite scum is going to serve well to further push Britain, kicking and screaming, into the 21st century. A braver, less oligarchical nation, hopefully.

The issues raised in Mob Handed are ones that DO need to be raised in British cinema and TV. A Savile biography for instance, is essential, not as an attempt to heal permanent scars, but more a national apology, a time capsule of the establishment saying sorry for allowing such evil to fester.

Mob Handed goes in some ways towards being this apology. But however, it's too reactionary and pitchfork provoking to be seen as a serious text and investigation into such matters. I question the amount of research that went into the script. A sentence i would have slapped myself over when attempting to describe Killer B*tch. However, this is the game Galvin wanted to play, even going so far as to devote the film to abuse victims in the end credits.

Contradictions was one of the reasons why i liked Galvin's debut so much; their sheer volume and their place within a variety of departments. Accomplished (probably) licensed soundtrack, yet impoverished sound design. Sympathetic female lead, yet misogynistic humour throughout. Self-referential, forth wall breaking humour yet a narrative riddled with clichés. Beautiful stuff.

Mob Handed has these as well, but their contrasts are more sharply felt by the audience. Sultry pop rock played over a predator chasing a girl. A camp as all hell supern**ce (A severely repressed Daily Mail reader's interpretation of Freddy Kruger) blowing Jason Marriner before killing him (off screen, thank Christ). An overwrought, but mother of god is it sincere, kangaroo court scene followed by a Freddy style 'gotcha' ending. If you had told an uninformed me that Mob Handed was made six months (not six years!) after Killer B*tch, i would have believed you then and there. However, if you told me the writer was on heroin, I would had also believed that.

I guess it's down to personal sensibilities rather than any fault of the film. I mean, Killer B*tch was not without it's rape or casual sadism, but i was under the impression for the long while that i was viewing the work of a mad genius. Back down to earth, i realise that i was just watching a serious and skilled, despite unproven, filmmaker slumming it, despite evidently enjoying himself.

Mob Handed seems to be more his speed and I find it to be both commendable and car crash in equal respect. Galvin tackles a sensitive subject matter insensitively and the result is yet another car wreck. But the best thing i can say about Mob Handed is that it is uniform to Killer B*tch and proves Liam Galvin is a bonafide force of nature and that his previous feature was not a fluke born out of insane circumstances. I reckon that even if this was a more conventional female rape revenge narrative, i'd warm up to it more. I guess it speaks volumes of my character that it's only when children get involved do i find things get too much.

Removed from my better judgement, i recommend Mob Handed as a true blue example of WTF cinema. It's a sorry, angry little film that is still worth ten of it's kind for the sheer disturbing passion involved in the production.
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1/10
So bad its...terrible
patmartin-929475 March 2024
Even Ed Wood would disown this. Terrible dialogue, plot. Amateurish would be too respectable for this.

Was it made as a joke?

With so many actors who actually have acted in quality productions one would think they would have spotted the terrible script, plot and editing and advised accordingly or were they so hard up that they would take any job? That could be the case but its a pity.

Unnecessary awful violence aplenty here, unrealistic depictions of news reporting. Dave Courtney makes a strange appearance driving a tank of all things to crush someone in a car.

Never seen such rubbish and Ive seen some turkeys.
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1/10
Me giving this Crud of a program 1 star is extremely generous.
fordpaintservices22 August 2023
Where do I start with this.....I'm going to call this a program instead of a movie because in my eyes it doesn't deserve to be called a movie.

Basically if you want to watch something with out of work actors that have fallen on the hardest of times and would act in anything for £50 then this is for you. I am a gluten for punishment myself as I still don't know how I managed to sit and watch the whole 1hr 36 mins of this.

What I do know is that I will never be able to get that time back.

There really is better acting in a hard-core porn movie than there is in this.

Anyway all I can say is that if you watch this and enjoy this. You are a better person than me.

Enjoy 😂
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