Johnny Galecki credited as playing...
Leonard Hofstadter
- Professor Proton: Is the, is the blonde girl really your, your girlfriend?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes, sir.
- Professor Proton: *You're* the genius!
- Professor Proton: Uh-oh.
- Penny: Arthur, are you okay?
- Professor Proton: I'm having a... problem with my pacemaker.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'll, I'll call for help!
- Penny: Any chance we could plug it into the potato?
- Professor Proton: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: You may find this hard to believe, but I didn't have any friends growing up.
- Professor Proton: No, I, I get that.
- Sheldon Cooper: But, um, I did have you. And every day at 4 o'clock you'd come to my house on channel 68 and we'd do science together. If it hadn't been for you, who knows what would have become of me. You know, instead of a world class physicist, I could have wound up as, uh, a hobo. Or a surgeon.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I bet there are important discoveries being made every day because you inspired millions of kids to pursue science. In a way, their discoveries are your discoveries.
- Sheldon Cooper: You... It's true. A generation of young scientists are standing on your shoulders.
- Professor Proton: Well, thanks. Thanks, you guys. That, that, that means a lot.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's important you know how much you mean to us.
- Sheldon Cooper: Professor Proton, it's an honor to meet you.
- Professor Proton: Just, just call me 'Arthur'.
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard! Did you hear that? Professor Proton said I should call him 'Arthur'! That means we're friends!
- Professor Proton: No. A, a friend would have, would have told me about the elevator.
- Sheldon Cooper: Look at me! I can get as close to you as I want without my mom saying it's going to ruin my eyes!
- Professor Proton: [to Leonard] Is, uh, is he dangerous?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Actually, he's a genius.
- Sheldon Cooper: I am.
- Professor Proton: Tha-that doesn't answer my question.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, you know that if you stay up all night, you're going to be sleepy tomorrow and a sleepy Sheldon is a cranky Sheldon and a cranky Sheldon... is absolutely no different than a regular Sheldon. Good night!
- Sheldon Cooper: [to Penny] Professor Proton hosted my favorite science show when I was a child. I never missed an episode. Uh, he demonstrated scientific principles using everyday objects.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It was pretty cool.
- Penny: Aw, it's so cute when you use the word 'cool' wrong. Like when kids say 'pasketti'.
- [first lines]
- Leonard Hofstadter: The interface is pretty simple. You put your horizontal X coordinate here, vertical Y coordinate here and if you're happy with those, you press this button.
- Penny: Got it.
- [the toy missile launcher swivels]
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, you'll never guess who I just found on li-
- [he is hit in the head by a toy missile]
- Sheldon Cooper: H-Hey!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Nice shot!
- Penny: Uh, his giant head did most of the work.
- Sheldon Cooper: Very mature! You're lucky I'm out of silly string.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Mr. Jeffries, I'm sorry. We should've warned you about the broken elevator.
- Professor Proton: I agree.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You want one of us to go with you in the ambulance?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'll do it!
- Professor Proton: He's not a relative. He's not allowed, right?
- Paramedic: No, it's not a rule. He can go.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, yes!
- Professor Proton: I can't catch a break today.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Do you remember his theme song?
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course!
- Leonard Hofstadter, Sheldon Cooper: Grab your goggles, / Put your labcoat on! / Here he comes, / Professor Proton!
- Professor Proton: After the TV show was, was cancelled, nobody in the scientific world would, would take me seriously. So I was forced to do these children's parties to make a living.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That's too bad. But still, working with kids, it must be rewarding.
- Professor Proton: You, you get bit a lot.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, my God, Leonard! He's available for parties and events! We should hire him!
- Leonard Hofstadter: To do what?
- Sheldon Cooper: Whatever we want! Hang out, do experiments, make him shoot twelve pictures with us for a calendar!