- Mamie: It's three o'clock; Steve Harvey's on.
- Elka Ostrovsky: Oh, nobody's funnier than Steve Harvey.
- Boyce: Really? No-one?
- Mamie: He's like the Original King of Comedy.
- Boyce: Yeah. Yet, you know, there were other Kings of Comedy, y'know.
- Elka Ostrovsky: But he was the funny one.
- Boyce: Oh, oh, the way Rue McClanahan was the funny one on 'The Golden Girls'.
- Elka Ostrovsky: I never saw that show.
- Melanie Moretti: Oh my God, Alex Trebek!
- Narrator: That's right, but on weekends I'm Park Ranger Alex Trebek, and I'm here to save you. I read your smoke signals telling me that there were women here in...
- [to camera]
- Narrator: Jeopardy.
- [last lines]
- Joy Scroggs: The police will be here soon.
- Elka Ostrovsky: We'll be home in time to watch 'Family Feud'.
- Mamie: Steve Harvey is the best game show host!
- Elka Ostrovsky: The best.
- Narrator: Really? Isn't that a little bit like saying Cloris Leachman was the best actress on 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show'?
- Elka Ostrovsky, Mamie: We never saw that show.
- Narrator: Well, America won't get a chance to see the Soul Man if we don't wrap things up here, so why don't we all just take a bow right now?
- Melanie Moretti: What are you even doing here?
- Bob: Well, I got Joy's sexy text.
- Joy Scroggs: My text said I needed a few days off.
- Bob: The text I got said you wanted me to get you off for a few days!
- Joy Scroggs: Ohhh! Stupid auto-correct.
- [first lines]
- Narrator: Hello. I'm Alex Trebek, host of America's favorite game show.
- Studio Audience: WHEEL... OF... FORTUNE!
- Narrator: That's right, Jeopardy. And I want to welcome all of you to the greatest night of television you will ever witness. First off, and performing live, four women who are at the very peak of their craft. One of them is drunk. You'll see. Now, when we last saw our ladies we had left them in a number of cliff-hangers, but don't worry, we're going to resolve all of that for you, right here, but on next week's episode. So be sure to tune in next week for that. But for tonight, without any further ado, live from Studio City this is Hot... in Cleveland!
- Victoria Chase: I just need time to think. Oh, if only there were a hideout I could go to where the police couldn't find me.
- Melanie Moretti: If only someone among us had a criminal past.
- Victoria Chase: And was once married to the mob.
- Joy Scroggs: And is right here. And old enough to remember where she was when Caesar was assassinated.
- Melanie Moretti: What are we going to do? We're too young to die.
- [pause]
- Melanie Moretti: OK, we look too young to die.
- Bob: You know, it's the things and people you don't do that you regret.
- Joy Scroggs: What part of you can't understand that we are never going to sleep together?
- Bob: Oh, I think you know which part.
- Melanie Moretti: I wish there was some way we could call for help.
- Elka Ostrovsky: Oh, um, there's a fireplace. I learned to make smoke signals when I was a child.
- Joy Scroggs: Oh, did you learn that on your playdates with Sitting Bull?
- Elka Ostrovsky: What was your Indian name? Sleeps With Everyone?
- Victoria Chase: Oh my God, this is just like that movie with Kathy Bates from the Stephen King novel of the same name.
- Dr. Kang: 'Fried Green Tomatoes'?
- Narrator: [to the camera] Ooh, sorry, that's wrong. The response we wanted was "What is 'Misery'?" Everybody knows that 'Fried Green Tomatoes' is from the novel by Fannie Flagg,
- Dr. Kang: Stop breaking the fourth wall, Trebek.
- Narrator: [backing away] Easy does it. Easy. Easy.
- Victoria Chase: He is such a know-it-all.
- Dr. Kang: Tell me about it.