Simply terrible. NO other way to describe it. I tend to enjoy B horror movies so I had higher expectations of this movie while knowing what to expect from a low-budget film. This movie was simply awful. All of the actors suffered from varying degrees of amnesia when it came to knowing how to actually act. Despite every character being a part of a couple, when their girlfriend/boyfriends would disappear (as inevitably happens in a horror flick), no one seemed to care. At all. Which was difficult to get past. The "haunting" was never really explained or, honestly, developed. The sound was so poorly done that with my TV at full sound it was still hard to hear. And the plot? Well, instead of genuine scares and plot development, we see a variety of sex, drinking, and gratuitous twerking in the first half of the film when things are fine (at least it saves us from dialogue, but it's still not entertaining). in the second half, when things aren't so great, we see a variety of people working out. Seriously, these people are so fit that they somehow work out the morning after heavy drinking and whenever they get stressed. So basically, you get to watch a sizable chunk of a "horror" flick but it's really more like watching a film on exercise voyeurism.
15 Reviews
That one scene
jlw121627 May 2018
Dude Bro Let's Fist Bump
tmdarby14 January 2016
Okay, where to start with this movie. Well the story had potential, so there is that. I'm giving this a 1 because of the acting. I've seen a lot of bad movies because I'm a fan of B rated horror. The actors in this movie however are something else. It wasn't so much the bad acting, all though there is a lot of that. It was more the just incredibly terrible dialogue and the delivery of that dialogue. I don't even know how to describe it. The Jersey shore type talking and yelling is so annoying that you find yourself waiting for someone to show up and kill all the main characters, and you are looking forward to it. If the directors vision was to create a movie with an okay horror story, but make the audience hate every single character, mission accomplished.
Spoilers follow ...
parry_na13 October 2016
Warning: Spoilers
The term exploitation has been used to lump together softcore horror films, mainly from Europe during the 1960s and 1970s, although Hammer also became bitten by the bug in its latter years. Now, we feel we have progressed so smoothly that the term isn't used any more. And that's because such a titillating way of teasing the audience with choreographed sexuality has become the norm. Here, we have the dreaded 'group of friends', one celebrating a birthday, who go looking for a beach house and instead discover The Lake House. As one character, superficially hard-to-please Stacey (India Autry) says, "A beach house needs to have a beach." The reply, "Yeah, I got that memo." The friends here are the usual stylised, buff bodied, greased back, laconic, horny collection torpidly passed off as 'normal'. Teens of indiscriminate age whose idea of a really good put-down is to say accusingly "You let me work out on my own today." To break the perfect collective, there is a moderately over-weight guy who 'gets by' by constantly making apologetic weight jokes to justify his inclusion.
The story: years ago, a young boy was drowned in the lake on Clinton Road and may be haunting the Lake House. As nothing in particular happens, these forever wholesomely tattooed 24-hour party people fill the running time by having cosmetic arguments, only to later reward each other with themselves. When one of their number - Jillian (Leah Jones) - threatens to tarnish the perfect party bubble by not feeling well, a lethargy sweeps across the ensemble. After a while, they no longer even have the energy to twerk (dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance).
Away from the sporty birthday revellers, the location is, as is often the case, a blessed relief. Scenic, expansive and remote-looking enough to convince of sinister goings-on far away enough from society to be, in theory, moderately effective. You'd hope. Still, the mood slithers from high-spirited party action to posture and ponder-ment now things aren't quite excellent anymore. When one sleek bodied seductress disappears - you know, the one who wasn't feeling well - the reaction from the others is minimal. A manly hand-slap and they continue as before. Camaraderie for those left behind, whilst the birthday boy laments his suddenly imperfect celebrations.
"I ain't scared of s**t. That's white people's s**t. Coloured people don't do ghosts." Pure poetry.
Without listing further non-eventful contrivances, 'Lake House' proves to be an excruciating and anaemic haunting effort with a little scary music interrupting the rap beats and lead-ups to sex scenes that don't happen. A little high-speed body-distortion (owing a lot to various exorcism films) and that's your lot as far as 'scares' are concerned. Suddenly, the inclusion of some uplifting music alerts us to the fact the film is ending. But wait! A post-credits sequence features desperately overlong web-cam footage of another car full (of what appear to be four twelve-year olds driving to Clinton Road, mocking the existence of any haunting. This scene seems to go on forever. For a lead-up to any threatened sequel, it spends its entire duration overstaying its welcome). It's difficult to know how an audience is supposed to react to this film, if at all, but who cares?
Horrifying, for all the wrong reasons.
The story: years ago, a young boy was drowned in the lake on Clinton Road and may be haunting the Lake House. As nothing in particular happens, these forever wholesomely tattooed 24-hour party people fill the running time by having cosmetic arguments, only to later reward each other with themselves. When one of their number - Jillian (Leah Jones) - threatens to tarnish the perfect party bubble by not feeling well, a lethargy sweeps across the ensemble. After a while, they no longer even have the energy to twerk (dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance).
Away from the sporty birthday revellers, the location is, as is often the case, a blessed relief. Scenic, expansive and remote-looking enough to convince of sinister goings-on far away enough from society to be, in theory, moderately effective. You'd hope. Still, the mood slithers from high-spirited party action to posture and ponder-ment now things aren't quite excellent anymore. When one sleek bodied seductress disappears - you know, the one who wasn't feeling well - the reaction from the others is minimal. A manly hand-slap and they continue as before. Camaraderie for those left behind, whilst the birthday boy laments his suddenly imperfect celebrations.
"I ain't scared of s**t. That's white people's s**t. Coloured people don't do ghosts." Pure poetry.
Without listing further non-eventful contrivances, 'Lake House' proves to be an excruciating and anaemic haunting effort with a little scary music interrupting the rap beats and lead-ups to sex scenes that don't happen. A little high-speed body-distortion (owing a lot to various exorcism films) and that's your lot as far as 'scares' are concerned. Suddenly, the inclusion of some uplifting music alerts us to the fact the film is ending. But wait! A post-credits sequence features desperately overlong web-cam footage of another car full (of what appear to be four twelve-year olds driving to Clinton Road, mocking the existence of any haunting. This scene seems to go on forever. For a lead-up to any threatened sequel, it spends its entire duration overstaying its welcome). It's difficult to know how an audience is supposed to react to this film, if at all, but who cares?
Horrifying, for all the wrong reasons.
Huh?
dragoneye189014 August 2015
It asked if I was gonna give spoilers but there is nothing to spoil. I got this movie because I thought it was gonna be at least a D+ from the trailer, turned out to be an F. No plot, no character development; I don't know hat was worse: the acting or the writing; even the scares were non existent. Was this wanna be porno turned into a movie? at least the characters were hot!!!! This movie might have gotten a 3 if all of the girls were topless for at least half of the movie. We left this movie on b/c it was so bad that it was good bad....actually to think about it; was being bad the intent of this movie? If you watch this movie, know its going to be bad and run with it. If you don't keep it on great! I'm from NJ, actually 20 minutes away, Clinton road is way scarier!!
The real horror is
jazzmintcastro30 August 2015
The real horror is how plane is the movie, how bad actors feature, and a story that never really develops, or the lack of an introduction that makes sense to begin with. Is like watching an MTV episode of Jersey Shore, or the fist attempt to film form an old director of music videos....from a terrible band, that does n't cut as a one hot wonder. The characters never act like normal people wold do facing the loss of a friend, or a boyfriend. We never get to know exactly what happened to the kid. Weird how one by one they fall, but never really know what they experience. Just a succession of mornings and night with nothing to do but drink, have sex, and barely think if they should or should not do anything about that weirdly missing friend.
The Idiots on Clinton Road
tmccull523 January 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Let me begin by saying that I wasn't ten minutes into this movie when I wanted the characters to start dying. If the director's intent was to present the viewer with the most shallow, vapid, butt-brained characters possible, the he succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.
I've seen this over and over and over again, and not many get it right. We have a group of people who are supposed to be close, good friends, and they spend most of the movie acting like they can barely stand to be around one another for more than five minutes. This formula is so tired, so played out. The cocky jock and his main squeeze, his bestest buddy, Mr. Cool Breeze Party Dude and his stuck-up, snooty girlfriend who thinks that everyone else is beneath her, the single dude who is so pathetic and obnoxious that no one can stand him. He's the only one that thinks that he's hilarious, and he's the butt of everyone else's jokes. The guys all stagger around trying to get as wasted as is humanly possible. The girls all act like nympho strippers on crack.
Please, oh please, someone or something start killing these stereotypical idiots already. I honestly didn't care who lived and who died. There is a plethora of horror movies where some group of friends stumbles into some haunted setting, and they all die. I found myself fervently hoping that this was one of those.
You will, too. Trust me. You will, too.
I've seen this over and over and over again, and not many get it right. We have a group of people who are supposed to be close, good friends, and they spend most of the movie acting like they can barely stand to be around one another for more than five minutes. This formula is so tired, so played out. The cocky jock and his main squeeze, his bestest buddy, Mr. Cool Breeze Party Dude and his stuck-up, snooty girlfriend who thinks that everyone else is beneath her, the single dude who is so pathetic and obnoxious that no one can stand him. He's the only one that thinks that he's hilarious, and he's the butt of everyone else's jokes. The guys all stagger around trying to get as wasted as is humanly possible. The girls all act like nympho strippers on crack.
Please, oh please, someone or something start killing these stereotypical idiots already. I honestly didn't care who lived and who died. There is a plethora of horror movies where some group of friends stumbles into some haunted setting, and they all die. I found myself fervently hoping that this was one of those.
You will, too. Trust me. You will, too.
Where's the beach?
nogodnomasters24 October 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Three young couples go to a cabin in the woods, cue spinner.....ghosts. Yes the house and lake are haunted. The movie combines the hand held genre with regular bad filming. Ghosts suddenly jump from one location to the next. Actors did a good job at looking as being dragged when there is no one there. Jillian (Leah Jones) did the possessed contortionist scene and she seems to have a connection based on her protection necklace.
The acting ranged from bad to fair with a lot of wasted footage of the gang traveling to the house which was not on a beach. Things start to happen at 40 minutes, the half way point. If you liked the Paranormal series and those other "go nowhere" hand held camera films, this one feels just like those.
Guide: Plenty of F-bombs. Near/implied sex. Nudity (Stephanie Marrone, India Autry)
The acting ranged from bad to fair with a lot of wasted footage of the gang traveling to the house which was not on a beach. Things start to happen at 40 minutes, the half way point. If you liked the Paranormal series and those other "go nowhere" hand held camera films, this one feels just like those.
Guide: Plenty of F-bombs. Near/implied sex. Nudity (Stephanie Marrone, India Autry)
A beautiful lake.
neuroticpeacecorpse15 March 2021
Yet ANOTHER cabin in the woods flick, but it delivers the goods
Wuchakk2 May 2018
RELEASED IN 2015 and written & directed by DeShon Hardy, "The Lake on Clinton Road" chronicles events at the titular lake in remote New Jersey when three college couples go to a vacation home to celebrate. Things go horrible awry when they discover that the rumors of the lake being haunted are real.
The low ratings & reviews are inaccurate because this is a cogent cabin-in-the-woods flick. While it may be a low-budget indie with a no-name cast, the acting is convincing and the creepiness & scares are genuine. Moreover, the score is effective (with the soundtrack throwing in some rap sheet). The six youths travel to their isolated destination in typical celebration mode, but their frivolity palpably changes by the second half. People complain that they're an obnoxious bunch, but that's not true. They're just young adults out celebrating. So what? We've all done it.
The two football guys (Richard Ryker & Anthony Grant) are great masculine role models, disregarding the customary cussing. They have good camaraderie, treat their women well, and don't abuse the chubby white guy, their amusing pal. Ryker is particularly a strong masculine protagonist. Speaking of the women, the director has a good eye for depicting feminine beauty without getting too tasteless. Leah Jones is mind-blowingly voluptuous while petite brunette Stephanie Marrone ain't no slouch; nor is the black girl for that matter (India Autry).
The bottom line is: The movie works well for what it is. It contains all the requisite staples and works them expertly into an entertaining brew. I'd watch this any day over the cartoonish "The Evil Dead" (1981), the over-the-top comical "Evil Dead II" (1987), the trashy "Cabin Fever" (2002), the lame "Zombeavers" (2014) or the too-creative-for-its-own-good "Cabin in the Woods" (2012).
There's a curiously overlong epilogue tacked-on after the end credits that's at least three times as long as it needed to be. I think the director just wanted to give some screen time to the two 12 year-old girls in the back seat, who are probably related to him. In any case, it shows a fresh group of giddy youths just before they're humbled big time; humbled or dead, whatever.
THE MOVIE RUNS 1 hour, 20 minutes and was shot in Marlton, New Jersey & Bellefonte, Pennsylvania.
GRADE: B+
The low ratings & reviews are inaccurate because this is a cogent cabin-in-the-woods flick. While it may be a low-budget indie with a no-name cast, the acting is convincing and the creepiness & scares are genuine. Moreover, the score is effective (with the soundtrack throwing in some rap sheet). The six youths travel to their isolated destination in typical celebration mode, but their frivolity palpably changes by the second half. People complain that they're an obnoxious bunch, but that's not true. They're just young adults out celebrating. So what? We've all done it.
The two football guys (Richard Ryker & Anthony Grant) are great masculine role models, disregarding the customary cussing. They have good camaraderie, treat their women well, and don't abuse the chubby white guy, their amusing pal. Ryker is particularly a strong masculine protagonist. Speaking of the women, the director has a good eye for depicting feminine beauty without getting too tasteless. Leah Jones is mind-blowingly voluptuous while petite brunette Stephanie Marrone ain't no slouch; nor is the black girl for that matter (India Autry).
The bottom line is: The movie works well for what it is. It contains all the requisite staples and works them expertly into an entertaining brew. I'd watch this any day over the cartoonish "The Evil Dead" (1981), the over-the-top comical "Evil Dead II" (1987), the trashy "Cabin Fever" (2002), the lame "Zombeavers" (2014) or the too-creative-for-its-own-good "Cabin in the Woods" (2012).
There's a curiously overlong epilogue tacked-on after the end credits that's at least three times as long as it needed to be. I think the director just wanted to give some screen time to the two 12 year-old girls in the back seat, who are probably related to him. In any case, it shows a fresh group of giddy youths just before they're humbled big time; humbled or dead, whatever.
THE MOVIE RUNS 1 hour, 20 minutes and was shot in Marlton, New Jersey & Bellefonte, Pennsylvania.
GRADE: B+
HOLY HELL this movie sucked
THEBMAN1231 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
I'm just trying to watch random horror movies at random and I've found some keepers, and some crappers.
1 ACTING- Oh my freaking jersey shore **** it's so bad, it tries so hard to be over the top and trust me I get it. I know it's a horror movie and a cabin in the spooky woods horror, so of course it's gonna have cheese, but this is stale horrible old crusty cheese and Friday the 13th/hatchet/ Halloween ones have GOOD CHEESE. The chubby white guy was laughing at everything and for no reason some times, he even openly and loudly admits he is the goofy white chubby guy. The girls acting is mediocre at best.
2 SOUND/MUSIC- The audio quality ranges from not to terrible to downright dumb and stupid. The "party music" choices are so forced and don't flow with the scenes, especially the party montage scenes. It will happen so abruptly and scared the crap out of me a couple of times, and sometimes the music will go from 2015 hip hop rap to 70s 80s killer clowns from outer space stuff. It doesn't make any sense at all and the audio will sometimes like over lap? The girls will scream or guys will scream and the mic like can't pick up all of it at once so it sounds static/or whatever that word is. The screaming is so loud the mic can't pick it up and the audio starts cutting (for like a second to be honest)
3 EDITING- Some stuff is alright has a moment or 2 where it's watchable, but I'd say 85 percent of the movies editing is unacceptable. It will show the car pulling up the drive way and show us 15 different angles and cuts ALL A 10 SECOND WINDOW.
Maybe my hopes were to high? I don't know man the title sounded interesting considering Clinton road is a "weird place". I suggest you watch it regardless of the horrible rating I've given, I believe personally in order to judge a movie you should first watch it! BMAN OUT.
1 ACTING- Oh my freaking jersey shore **** it's so bad, it tries so hard to be over the top and trust me I get it. I know it's a horror movie and a cabin in the spooky woods horror, so of course it's gonna have cheese, but this is stale horrible old crusty cheese and Friday the 13th/hatchet/ Halloween ones have GOOD CHEESE. The chubby white guy was laughing at everything and for no reason some times, he even openly and loudly admits he is the goofy white chubby guy. The girls acting is mediocre at best.
2 SOUND/MUSIC- The audio quality ranges from not to terrible to downright dumb and stupid. The "party music" choices are so forced and don't flow with the scenes, especially the party montage scenes. It will happen so abruptly and scared the crap out of me a couple of times, and sometimes the music will go from 2015 hip hop rap to 70s 80s killer clowns from outer space stuff. It doesn't make any sense at all and the audio will sometimes like over lap? The girls will scream or guys will scream and the mic like can't pick up all of it at once so it sounds static/or whatever that word is. The screaming is so loud the mic can't pick it up and the audio starts cutting (for like a second to be honest)
3 EDITING- Some stuff is alright has a moment or 2 where it's watchable, but I'd say 85 percent of the movies editing is unacceptable. It will show the car pulling up the drive way and show us 15 different angles and cuts ALL A 10 SECOND WINDOW.
Maybe my hopes were to high? I don't know man the title sounded interesting considering Clinton road is a "weird place". I suggest you watch it regardless of the horrible rating I've given, I believe personally in order to judge a movie you should first watch it! BMAN OUT.
Crook even for a Sunday afternoon movie
rogapol26 July 2020
It is everything it say it is in the movie description but so poorly executed. Six friends head off for a weekend at a cabin that has issues. Character build up was ok, atmosphere was ok so let the fun begin and it sort of did.
Very messy storyline with how things connected. The most annoying thing at the back end of the movie was how the characters reacted to the circumstances, watch for it. Put yourself in their situation and you'd likely be 'out the door' in a flash.
Barely worth watching and apart from this review I'll never remember anything about the movie.
It was what it's meant to be: a scary movie
tohkwongweng23 August 2018
I too don't understand the poor reviews. Whilst the majority of B movies are usually crappy, it was really refreshing to watch one that was genuinely scary, and I like to watch scary movies alone and in a pitch black room, for maximum effect. As an avid watcher of scary movies this one was another Cabin-in-the-Woods type, but with hauntings and possession thrown in. The scary scenes reminded me of the better Japanese horror movies, e.g The Grudge, but even though some might find them derivative in that respect, they still caused me to jump and experience chills, which is precisely why I found this movie thoroughly enjoyable.
Stay for the camera effects
begob13 January 2022
Some college kids head to a remote house to PARTAY! - but a mysterious little boy awaits them.
Patchy production full of the predictable stuff for this sub-genre, but there are some unusual and effective spooks. It's shot in digital that flattens everything out, and the lighting is poor - sometimes the dialogue sound as well - but there's plenty of energy in the camera movement, with several circular panning shots, and quick-motion sequences that could have looked silly but turn out unsettling. The shot at the start of the trailer is a good example of the effects, so there's more where that came from.
The action is dominated by a couple of jocks, who spend a lot of the time shouting when clearly one of them should have been the first for the chop - why keep two similar characters? But the big problem is the continuity, which gets worse as the climax approaches, with scenes not flowing into each other. You can tell the actors get a bit lost on what they're supposed to do next, which looks like a problem of the director/writer's story-boarding.
The music is sometimes party stuff but mostly a synth score, which has good moments but then some naff Nancy Drew moments.
The origin myth remains obscure until the end, and even then I wasn't sure how the necklace fit in: how did the final girl come by it in the first place?
Overall: Worth a watch.
Ps. A post-credits sequence of some more kids driving to the house at night is pretty alarming: no seat-belts.
Patchy production full of the predictable stuff for this sub-genre, but there are some unusual and effective spooks. It's shot in digital that flattens everything out, and the lighting is poor - sometimes the dialogue sound as well - but there's plenty of energy in the camera movement, with several circular panning shots, and quick-motion sequences that could have looked silly but turn out unsettling. The shot at the start of the trailer is a good example of the effects, so there's more where that came from.
The action is dominated by a couple of jocks, who spend a lot of the time shouting when clearly one of them should have been the first for the chop - why keep two similar characters? But the big problem is the continuity, which gets worse as the climax approaches, with scenes not flowing into each other. You can tell the actors get a bit lost on what they're supposed to do next, which looks like a problem of the director/writer's story-boarding.
The music is sometimes party stuff but mostly a synth score, which has good moments but then some naff Nancy Drew moments.
The origin myth remains obscure until the end, and even then I wasn't sure how the necklace fit in: how did the final girl come by it in the first place?
Overall: Worth a watch.
Ps. A post-credits sequence of some more kids driving to the house at night is pretty alarming: no seat-belts.
See also
Awards | FAQ | User Ratings | External Reviews | Metacritic Reviews
