How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Band or DJ? (2013)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Narrator : [Talking about Robin]  I made a pretty strong case that night, but in the end, she didn't want a DJ, she wanted a band. And guess what happened?

  [Cut to four months later] 

  Ted Mosby : ...That's right, the band cancelled at the last minute, just like I said they would. The wedding is in a week and no bands. When will people realize I always know what's what?

  Cindy : He says to the lesbian he dated for a month.

  Ted Mosby : That's a fair point. Anyways, you guys wouldn't happen to know of any good wedding bands available at the last minute, would you?

  Casey : Ted, do you believe in destiny?

  Ted Mosby : You really don't know me, do you?

  Cindy : We just had brunch with my ex-roommate.

  Ted Mosby : The bass player?

  Cindy : No, she's not just a bass player, she's a bass player in the best wedding band in the Tri-state area. They had a gig lined up for this weekend, but it just fell through this morning.

  Casey : You, my friend, are gonna save that wedding.

  Ted Mosby : Do you know any DJs?

  Cindy : Dude! Come on!

  Casey : Let it go bro, just let it go.

  Ted Mosby : All right, all right, all right. Well, I guess it's a lucky thing I ran into you guys.

  Narrator : And kids, "lucky" doesn't even begin to describe it, because if Robin and Barney had taken my stupid advice and hired a DJ, I never would have met your mother.

• Ted Mosby : I am happy for them.

  Lily Aldrin : Is all you let yourself say out loud. Because if you said anything to the contrary, well, then that would make you the most awful person on this rooftop. So I'm gonna give you an out.

  Ted Mosby : And how are you gonna do that?

  Lily Aldrin : By saying something that is even more awful.

  Ted Mosby : Like what?

  Lily Aldrin : [starts crying]  Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom. Sometimes I wanna pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night and not come back.

  Ted Mosby : [pauses]  Robin shouldn't be with Barney, she should be with me.

  [pauses again while they sit down] 

  Ted Mosby : Are you serious?

  Lily Aldrin : I don't know. I mean, I love being a mom, I-I love Marvin so much. But you remember when I wanted to be an artist? Art was my whole life, and... and now it's been months since I've even picked up a brush. I-I spend the whole day taking care of kids in my job, and I come home, and it's more of the same, and it's just... it never lets up. It's just really, really hard, Ted.

  Ted Mosby : Have you talked to Marshall about how you feel?

  Lily Aldrin : Have you talked to Robin about how you feel?

  Ted Mosby : [sighs]  Fair enough.

  Lily Aldrin : I think we just have to accept our lots in life, and... I have to be a mom to a beautiful, wonderful, if slightly constipated little boy, and you have to let Robin and Barney get a band.

• Lily Aldrin : Well, well, well. Here comes the bride. Now the annoying part, right; planning the wedding. So not fun, right?

  Robin Scherbatsky : I don't know, I'm kinda looking forward to it.

  Lily Aldrin : Fine, I'll do it for you. First thing we need to do is set a date.

  Ted Mosby : May 25th, 2013.

  Lily Aldrin : Thank you, Ted. The ladies are talking.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Actually, that is the date. Ted offered to help with a planning a little. And well, uh.

  [Ted takes out a binder] 

  Lily Aldrin : That's a big binder.

  Ted Mosby : Oh, this. This is just cakes. Anyways, we are having the ceremony at that beautiful little church on Long Island where Victoria almost got married. Lovely spot. And then we are gonna have the reception in a big white tent on the front lawn of the hotel. Oh, and the colors are cream and lilac.

  Lily Aldrin : [Jumps at Ted]  Imma cut you, bitch!

• Robin Scherbatsky : This is, like the fifteenth time my dad has sent me a friend request. I'm just gonna hit "accept".

  Ted Mosby : No!

  Marshall Eriksen : No, no, no, no, no! Don't do it, Robin. You don't want to see what's behind that door.

  Robin Scherbatsky : What are you talking about?

  Ted Mosby : He's talking about my mom's 2000-word review of Fifty Shades of Grey. And 14 of those words were "vulva".

  Marshall Eriksen : You're gonna get endless requests to play some game that has something to do with gangsters or farming.

  Lily Aldrin : Never mind the embarrassing cheerleading photos from highschool.

  Marshall Eriksen : Begged my mom to burn those.