The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Santa Simulation (2012)

Kevin Sussman: Stuart Bloom

Photos 

Quotes 

• Raj Koothrappali : [playing Dungeons & Dragons]  Oh, man, the first monster I see, I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand, and shoot my magic all over his ass.

  Stuart : [embarrassed silence from the room]  Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

• Raj Koothrappali : [after his D&D character is killed]  Doesn't anyone have a Rod of Resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me!

  Stuart : [another embarrassed silence]  Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

• Penny : See you, boys, we're going drinking.

  Raj Koothrappali : Wait, can I come with you? My character died.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : Sorry, Raj, it's girls' night out.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Maybe another time.

  [Penny, Bernadette, and Amy leave] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : [continuing the game]  Okay.

  Penny : [sticking her head back into the apartment]  Come on.

  Raj Koothrappali : [leaping off the couch]  Girls' night! Girls' night! Woo! Woo!

  [the apartment door closes behind Penny and Raj] 

  Stuart : How does he not hear that?

• Stuart : What's wrong with Christmas?

  Sheldon Cooper : [wearily]  Oh, where to begin? Trees indoors, overuse of the words "'tis" and "'twas". And the absurd custom of one stocking. Everyone knows socks belong in pairs. Who uses one sock?

  Howard Wolowitz : Pirate with a peg leg?

  Sheldon Cooper : Actually, that helps. Thank you.

• Stuart : I don't remember you buying these miniatures in my store.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, uhl, yeah, I got 'em on Amazon.

  Stuart : Sure, I get it. Why support a friend when you can support a multinational conglomerate that is crushing the life out of that friend?

  Leonard Hofstadter : I know, but when I shop online I can do it on the toilet.

  Stuart : Have you seen my store? The whole place is a toilet.

• Stuart : I gotta tell you, this is the most holiday fun I've had since my therapist changed my anxiety medication and I stopped caring about the blood in my stool.