- Dwight Schrute: Most people don't even know that a candy cane represents a shepherd's crook. Which I assure you does not taste like peppermint. It tastes like sheep feces.
- Oscar Martinez: How would anyone even know...
- Dwight Schrute: Have you ever tasted a shepherd's crook?
- Phyllis Vance: I knew the party was today, but nobody asked me to plan it, so I didn't. Hmm, funny how that works.
- Meredith Palmer: [Scoffs] We're out there sweating our balls off every day, bustin' our balls. We deserve a Christmas party!
- Nellie Bertram: Well, then, why don't we just get some liquor and those mini-cupcakes?
- Kevin Malone: Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?
- Dwight Schrute: What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? Drink some gluhwein, enjoy some hasenpfeffer. Enjoy Christmas with Saint Nicolas' rural German companion, Belsnickel.
- Jim Halpert: Yes! That, that, that! We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement?
- Kevin Malone: No.
- Angela Martin-Lipton: No!
- Jim Halpert: Done, right?
- Angela Martin-Lipton: No.
- Stanley Hudson: No. I want Tropical Christmas.
- Meredith Palmer: Topless Christmas.
- Creed Bratton: Tapas Swiss Miss.
- Dwight Schrute: Philadelphia, from the Greek, philia, meaning love, and adolph, meaning Adolf, the city that loves Adolf.