- Dwight Schrute: You're not stupid. Jazz is stupid.
- Angela Martin-Lipton: Jazz is stupid. If they'd just play the right notes.
- Pete Miller: One of my jobs is to input customer complaints into the computer. And when they're in, I fill out one of these cards. But the information's already on the computer, so... Why am I filling out the card? I asked Andy, and he told me to "chillax," and then went away on a big long boat ride. So here we are! Don't give me a pointless office chose because I will build a little paper house. Fight the power.
- Pete Miller: Our crowning complaint card comes to us thanks to Pam Halpert, for insulting a client's recently deceases mother...
- Pam Beesly: I did not know that.
- Pete Miller: A woman who struggled with obesity all her life.
- Pam Beesly: I'm so sorry.
- Pam Beesly: Do you think Kevin cares what other people think about him? Or Creed or Meredith? Oh my gosh! These are my role models now.
- Pam Beesly: Hello, this is Pam Halpert. I'm calling from Dunder Mifflin, yes your paper provider, and I just wanted to say... Your Mama is so fat, when she wears red, people sey, "Hey Kool-Aid". Yeah, your Mama's fat. This is Pam Halpert.
- Nellie Bertram: This next one goes to Darryl for pocket-dialing a customer while having sex.
- Nellie Bertram: Oh, you salty dog!
- Darryl Philbin: Well, you know, what can I say? A playa's gotta play.
- Pete Miller: There you go.
- Darryl Philbin: [to the camera crew] Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti, but I'm a let them think the other thing.
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