- Nick Miller: [to the people running ahead of him in the haunted house] It's not a race... It's not-
- [He turns around and sees a clown behind him. He laughs nervously. The clown yells at him and Nick screams like a little girl]
- [Nick has accidentally punched Jess and the Mummy and Frankenstein's Monster beat him up in coming to her defense]
- Nick Miller: Somebody help me! This is my nightmare!
- [He screams like a girl again]
- Schmidt: [to Jess] I got it. You look like a zombie Woody Allen.
- [imitating Woody Allen]
- Schmidt: These brains are terrible. And such-such small portions.
- Nick Miller: [imitating Woody Allen] On Christmas, I like to eat Chinese people's brains. They're the only ones that are open.
- Jess Day: [imitating Woody Allen] Zombie Cristina Barcelona.
- Winston Bishop: Yeah, I have nothing to add to this.
- Demon Nurse: Welcome to the morgue, Officer, and...
- [She gestures her syringe to Shelby, who appears to be dressed as... Lady Gaga at a five year old's birthday party? She has stuffed animals pinned to her clothes and is wearing a plastic tiara]
- Demon Nurse: Sorry, I have no idea what that whole thing...?
- Shelby: I'm "Reigning" Cats and Dogs.
- Demon Nurse: Wha...?
- Shelby: "Reigning", like a queen... but "Raining" like the weather?
- Demon Nurse: No...