Thomas was going and then he wasn't and then he was and then he wasn't. There was the bizarre introduction of a new character who went nowhere (Rose). And we had only a tantalising sniff of Her Ladyship's soap. Too fleeting! Seasoned, jaded viewers who have stuck with this sequinned turkey of a series through burnt kidney souffles, the death throes of eclampsia and tingle-free impotence deserved more, far more, than Molesley and his sticky wicket. There was something of a literary sheen to tonight's series finale, however. Miss O'Brien was referencing Oscar Wilde. The costume department was channelling Brideshead Revisited. And there was a frenzied depiction of something that can only be described as Fifty Shades of Bates. We zoomed in on Bates several times with various soft focus, Vaseline-lens shots. See how he collapses, winded, on to the sofa! See how the drops of paint splash on to his face as he does his manly home-decorating! We had a real, gruff, Mellors line of dialogue: "You being in the room is enough to make it nice. Come here." Bates fans might have needed to be locked in the cold meat cupboard to cool down. The costumes deserve special mention in tonight's episode, especially Cora's embroidered number and the lilac colour palette. But so frequently the painstakingly recreated aesthetic of the series has only served to point up the weaknesses in the plot.
Most disappointing thing tonight? A complete absence of Isis. She would have loved the cricket! She was obviously being punished for stealing every scene last week. And the most delicious irony of all? The gentleman editor's explanation of his wife's condition. "A lunatic is not deemed the innocent or guilty party ..." And once you're involved, you're simply tied to the madness and unable to escape. Heavens. It's just like being a Downton viewer.