Community (TV Series)

Digital Estate Planning (2012)

Joel McHale: Jeff Winger

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jeff Winger : Oh, great. Gilbert.

  [gets shot at with ray beams] 

  Jeff Winger : Oh, great. Evil-Jedi-Lightning Gilbert.

• Jeff Winger : Okay, look. I know things seem hopeless because he's all the way to the castle with the crystal and we're starting over. But here's the thing: we're better at this game now. We've died and been reborn, and makes us heroes!

  [Everybody cheer and move forward with new enthusiasm. They then move through the first door and get eaten by cannibals, dying again] 

• Jeff Winger : What the hell, Gilbert? You're cheating, which I have no problem with, but you're getting caught, and that's not cool.

  Pierce Hawthorne : Yeah, don't be a knob. That inheritence is rightfully mine.

  Gilbert Lawson : Rightfully?

  Pierce Hawthorne : I'm his son.

  Gilbert Lawson : So am I.

  Pierce Hawthorne : What? That can't be true. You're half... white!

  Jeff Winger : Nice save.

• Jeff Winger : Everybody, keep Pierce protected. We have to get him to the Throne of Hawkthorne before Gilbert. And don't forget, when you die, you go all the way back to the study room. So... Don't die.

  Annie Edison : Good pep talk, Jeff.

  Shirley Bennett : Yeah, I used to love dying, but that speech really turned me around.

• Abed Nadir : This is my family. Baby Abed has my eyes and her bonnet. Each baby is capable of executing custom code, which means you can write a code that makes one baby tell another baby what to do, much like real children on a playground.

  Annie Edison : Oh, Abed, but...

  Jeff Winger : Annie, let's find the tin man's heart later. Abed, how much stuff do you have here and what can we make with it?

  Abed Nadir : That depends.

  Jeff Winger : On?

  Abed Nadir : On what you can imagine.

  Abed's Babies : Cool, cool, cool.

• Jeff Winger : Don't we look comfy at a cauldron.

  Britta Perry : Check it out.

  [Britta's animated character starts putting things into the cauldron] 

  Britta Perry : Ooh, see, I'll put all of this in here, and then that, and then I'll hit this.

  Jeff Winger : What is it?

  Britta Perry : I assume, like, a strength potion.

  Jeff Winger : Then I assume it's poison.

  Britta Perry : You're just jealous because we found a world where I know what I'm doing.

  Jeff Winger : This place is twenty cat turds and a Pixies poster from being your apartment.

• Jeff Winger : Britta, drink that super strength potion you made.

  Britta Perry : Oh, right, right, right, right.

  [Her animated character runs, trying to find her potion in the itmes inventory] 

  Jeff Winger : Hurry up, Britta!

  Britta Perry : I'm trying, I'm trying!

  [Gilbert shoots her lightning and she dies] 

  Britta Perry : Aah!

  Jeff Winger : Damn it, I thought we could count on Britta to not screw up drinking.

  Gilbert Lawson : This'll be fun.

  [He drinks the potion. Realises something's wrong] 

  Gilbert Lawson : What the hell?

  Jeff Winger : Here's hoping we can count on her to screw up making potions.

  [Gilbert dies] 

• Jeff Winger : Look, Buddy, I know it must have sucked being colonel Sanders' manservant and all, but Pierce is technically our friend, and we're not gonna watch you screw him over.

• Pierce Hawthorne : We've only been playing this game a couple of hours. You've been playing it your whole life, and now it's time for your reward, brother. So get in there and kill our dad.

  Gilbert Lawson : Thank you, Pierce.

  [Moves to put on headset] 

  Pierce Hawthorne : Wait a second. Here, take this.

  [Pulls out gun] 

  Pierce Hawthorne : You may need it.

  Britta Perry : Oh!

  Jeff Winger : Whoa! Oh, Pierce. You really don't know how this game works, do you?

  [Puts the gun away] 

  Annie Edison : Are you always carrying that?

  Pierce Hawthorne : Not in the shower.

• Gilbert Lawson : You're not supposed to cooperate, you're supposed to compete.

  Jeff Winger : Thanks for the advice, but I think we can choose how we want to play.

  Gilbert Lawson : I suppose we can.

  Pierce Hawthorne : is he being ominous? Why are you being ominous?

• Troy Barnes : Um... Jeff, you just murdered Annie.

  Jeff Winger : Well, better than doing nothing!

  Abed Nadir : I'm not sure that's the case.

• Jeff Winger : What?

  Hippie : Group sex.

  Jeff Winger : Oh, my God!

• Gilbert Lawson : 30 seconds after you leave your chairs, the weight sensors will recognize it as an automatic forfeit.

  Shirley Bennett , Jeff Winger : [Offended]  Weight sensors?