Fateful Findings (2013) User Reviews

Neil Breen = American treasure

[Sandcooler · 3/10 · 25 June 2019]

Neil Breen is a director who doesn't care for filmmaking rules, mainly because he doesn't know any of them. You know how movies are supposed to be 'show, don't tell'? Neil Breen tells and tells and tells. Breen doesn't trust our brains to make even the most basic connections. In Breen's universe, a guy who just saw a car accident has to literally say 'I'm a witness!', because otherwise our feeble minds may not understand that complex concept. He writes dialogues like English is not his first language, or even in the top five for that matter.

Because his movies are so surreal, Breen has often been compared to "The Room"'s Tommy Wiseau. The main difference is that lightning only struck once for old Tommy. He hasn't made anything remotely entertaining since 2003. Breen however keeps churning them out, with no difficulties whatsoever. This is a guy who doesn't have to do any effort to stay weird, incomprehensible and because of that, incredibly fascinating.

I'm writing this review for "Fateful Findings", but it could work for any of his movies. They're all pretty much the same. Breen always casts himself as an implausibly perfect being who rids the world of all the evils. The evils are usually found in the big companies, who are driven by greed and don't care about people. I know this because the villains actually have to say that in all his movies. Breen doesn't even know the meaning of subtext, and that's why we all love him so much.

As interesting as his movies are to watch, a making-of would certainly be infinite times better. There are just so many questions that remain unanswered here. How much does he have to pay these beautiful young 'actresses' (models at best) to pretend they're in love with him? Why does a man who's clearly in his 50s keep casting himself as a thirty-something? Why do the characters pause roughly thirty seconds between each line? How do you hack the government on laptops that aren't even on? Why do we have to see Neil Breen semi-nude so often throughout his movies? For a guy who spells our every detail, Breen sure does leave plenty of questions.

Tommy Wiseau and James "Birdemic" Nguyen ended up ruining their charm by becoming self-aware, but I honestly don't see that happening with Breen. To him, there's clearly not a funny moment to be found in any of his movies, and that's why they work: because he takes them so damn seriously while nobody else does. Furthermore, his heart seems to be in the right place. He clearly wants to make a statement about all the injustice in the world, in between showing his abs. I applaud him for that, he's a so-bad-it's-good filmmaker I can really get behind.

Bring the Booze

[iwumbo-56199 · 3/10 · 15 June 2018]

In all seriousness this movie is only enjoyable if you have a group of friends and a large amount of alcohol. From the low production value, the plot that goes nowhere, and the performances that make the movie what it is... Filler.

Yes this movie has been Memed the to hell and back but I enjoyed it for what it was. Can't say if I would watch this movie alone sober though...

Almost on par with Tommy Wiseau's The Room (2003)

[breakdownthatfilm-blogspot-com · 4/10 · 31 July 2017]

Awful movies exist everywhere. Each one is released under different circumstances. Some are produced to intentionally be bad, while other times they just come across bad, but never wanted to be interpreted that way. The ones that are purposefully made to be horrible are made by filmmakers and studios who are just looking to make a cheap cash-in no matter how terrible the end result is. The best example many people might think of, that comes close to those descriptions would be either The Asylum or Uwe Boll. And then there are people like Tommy Wiseau or the man who made this movie, Neil Breen. It may be hard to believe but these two guys have a lot in common when it comes to how much they think they are a gift to the world. Both have a never ending ego that propels them to continue making their movies no matter what others say. They truly think their work is a high art that is at the same level as many of the other critically acclaimed films that have been released. Or so they think. As bad as this is, it is worth it.

Crediting himself to almost every single film crew position available, Neil Breen has taken on more roles than other thespian in existence. This is also probably why his film makes practically no sense. Neil Breen plays Dylan, a man who once found the love of his life before he hit his teens. Together, he and his then love Leah (Jennifer Autry) discover a magic token. Skip decades later and Dylan still holds this thing dear to him. Even after getting into a serious car accident. His current girlfriend Emily (Klara Landrat) is a struggling drug addict and a neighboring family is having their own strained relationships next door. Jim (David Silva) and Amy (Victoria Vivieros) have differing motives. Amy wants to relax because her job is hard and Jim wants to fornicate, mostly because he's always drunk. Plus Amy's stepdaughter Aly (Danielle Andrade) has to deal with their bickering. All the while Dylan has found a way of hacking into corporate systems that contain secrets and suffering from paranormal headaches.

Everything is about as fragmented as it gets. The writing is like trying to put a square peg into a round hole. It just doesn't work. What Breen did here was try to make a movie that have every single genre in its story. As a result, the play out is generic and feels alien. There are several unfinished subplots mainly because nothing is done with them to begin with. Throughout the running time there's a character in black that goes around walking from place to place and it is never revealed who they are, what they want, what they represent, etc. The subplots themselves don't exactly fit together either in any smooth way. The Jim and Amy couple argue to no end, but have no impact on Dylan or Emily in development. So why bother including them? Also the stepdaughter has a sequence where she waltzes into Dylan's house naked to arouse him, only to be sent away by Dylan. And the significance of this scene was? If it's not going to go anywhere, why include it in the script? Breen's storytelling is like a maze.

Later on Dylan meets Leah again all grown up but for the most contrived reason, being that one had written in a notebook way back and held onto it for years. Really? Let's not forget the acting from the cast or the dialog to boot. Wow is this treasure trove of people who are not invested in the project they are making. Everyone from the top down can't deliver a line in any form that sounds natural or believable. What probably aided the deliveries to be so bad was due to how bad the lines are written. Some conversations don't even relate to one another, making the association incoherent. There are only a few redeeming qualities to this horrendous film. Of the cast, the only actor who stands out is Neil Breen and not because he's the best actor. Far from it. What makes his performance so amazing is because of how he has control over this whole thing, stars in it and can't even be a leading man. No emotion is put into his lines; everything is monotone. And this guy thinks he is making mainstream movies? What a laugh.

And that's by far the strongest highlight. It is because of Breen's emotionally void showing is what makes this viewing experience so funny. The main genre this film takes place in is a fantasy, science fiction thriller. Yet comes off like a comedy because of Breen. And this isn't his only stinker. Breen made two other films before this and basically gave the same kind of product. The two films were Double Down (2005) and I Am Here...Now (2009). The next best thing to Breen's acting is the cinematography handled by John Mastrogiacomo. Mastrogiacomo also has one other credit, which was to Breen's I Am Here...Now (2009). For what it's worth Mastrogiacomo gets some pretty background shots of the desert. Much of that is clear and vivid in its display. Interior shots are mostly okay but could use some improvement. The music was also adequate but that's probably because the music was just stock audio. There's no way Breen was a music director like he so proudly credits himself at the end. Yeah OK.

Recommendation wise, if you don't like indie or amateur films in general stay away. But if you're interested in seeing how unbelievable a guy like Neil Breen can be, now's the time. The camera-work and music might be okay, but don't expect anything else to tell an understandable story whatsoever. The actors don't even know what they're doing in it.

Move over, Wiseau, there's a new sheriff in town

[allexand · 1/10 · 22 November 2017]

After hearing about the works of Neil Breen for months, I just had to check them out. From various clips and reviews, one can easily see that he has no idea how to make a movie yet he treats his films as painfully serious masterpieces, making for loads of unintentional comedy and putting him in the esteemed company of clueless auteurs such as Tommy Wiseau and Sam Mraovich.

Actually, scratch that. Neil Breen is worse than Wiseau and Mraovich. Tommy Wiseau had a few halfway decent actors, a competent crew, and decent equipment while Sam Mraovich at least had enough sense to show his characters' faces. Breen can't even do that.

By far the most memorable aspect of "Fateful Findings" is that its plot has many things happening, but yet nothing happens. The main character played by Breen finds a magic rock as a child then watches his childhood sweetheart move away. As an adult (50 years later, going by the looks of Breen's leathery face) he gets hit by a car and then is healed by the rock which he just happened to have. He goes home and decides to dedicate himself to "hacking the most secret government corporate secrets" on laptops that are never on and get repeatedly tossed around his office. These government corporate secrets are so secret that we never learn what they are, even when he exposes them in the absolutely bonkers climax.

He also has a pill-popping wife (who is willing to snatch his pills from the toilet), and an alcoholic friend trapped in a sexless marriage with a pretty teenage daughter who inexplicably keeps coming on to Breen. Said alcoholic friend is also later murdered by his wife for no real reason. The only thing I mentioned that has any bearing on the plot is perhaps the wife's addiction, seeing as how she overdoses just in time for Breen to hook back up with his childhood sweetheart, who seems to have aged at about half the rate of Breen. From there, Leah, the childhood girlfriend, gets abducted and he has to save her.

The cluttered plot might sound a bit ordinary if not for the vague supernatural elements. There are characters who wander around then vanish, a gigantic tome whose contents aren't revealed and appears at random, and scenes of a naked Neil Breen(ick) sitting in a room lined in trash bags that I think is supposed to represent him being inside the magic rock. Near the end he suddenly gains the power to literally walk through walls to save his girlfriend from her kidnappers.

The plot also shows that Breen doesn't seem to understand how the world works. His friend gets murdered by his wife and framed as suicide and nobody investigates. His girlfriend gets kidnapped but the kidnapper conveniently drops directions to where he's taking her. His therapy sessions would make Frasier Crane look legit. He seems to think that exposing high-level corruption will compel government and business officials to confess and commit public suicide to a cheering crowd in a delightfully inane ending that is one of the most unintentionally funny scenes ever captured on film.

Breen's directing is as clueless as his writing. To avoid film permits he often points the camera skyward at people's faces and downward at their feet. In the barbecue scene, he films characters from the neck down as they knock things over rather than zoom out. He films a two-way phone conversation with only one person talking. When his friend is shot by his wife, he cuts to the falling shell rather than have the actor use a squib. Adding to the hilariousness of the climax, he chooses a bad green screen of a nondescript government-like building as a backdrop. He also seems to be madly in love with his video software's fade effect as something, or someone, fades out on average every five minutes.

He has no concept of editing either. He lets a hospital scene linger just long enough to show his butt. He chooses not to reshoot or cut down a scene where the teenage daughter looks right into the camera in obvious frustration. He decides to film himself eating a plate of spinach and later shows said plate falling off a bookshelf. A scene where he's supposedly too weak to lift a coffee cup goes on forever as does a scene where he and his wife rip each other's clothes off.

The scenes have no sense of flow either. The friend's wife goes from being mad about his drinking to shooting him dead in the next scene. There are many unexpected cutaways to a naked trashbag room scene, shots of the ancient tome, ten second therapy sessions, and shots of a largely unseen man-in-black stalking about and then fading away. One scene even manages to combine a fade WITH a ten-second therapy session.

The cringeworthy acting is no different from the average Neil Breen film. The wife sounds half asleep when delivering her lines, the best friend has apparently never been drunk as he has no idea how to act it, his wife hams it up worse than a high school play, and the daughter is the absolute worst as she emotes even less than Breen. Seriously, she treats her dad's murder like she didn't get cheese on her burger.

I really wish I could talk more about this movie because there is so much wrong with it. It's a near perfect storm of bad movie making: it takes itself too seriously, nobody is self-aware, and it has a uncharismatic, unattractive lead who thinks just the opposite. The saddest part is that from what I've seen, I think this might be his least nonsensical movie.

One positive thing I will say for it is that it sure ain't predictable.

Rename this to "I Hate Laptops"

[wbuttle · 1/10 · 14 June 2019]

Seriously, how many Laptops did he smash in this movie?!?

If God was a Film

[benrickards · 28 February 2018]

Neil Breen is a god among of cinema, I tell you. The new Christopher Nolan, the new Tarantino. And i'm not even going to just talk about directors. He's not just the director of the film, but he's also the MAIN ACTOR, in this movie...and all of his other movies. Neil Breen is the new and improved Mel Brooks. I sure as hell hope this man has some beautiful films coming into the future.

Breen's four main films (Fateful Findings, Double Down, Pass Thru, I Am Here...Now) are the best things I have ever laid eyes on. I am writing a review because this was my favorite out of the four films.

Breen is a true god of dialogue (yes, of course he also wrote the screenplay). When Breen finds out that his friend is dead, he believes that it was an act of suicide, but really his wife had killed him. He asks the dead corpse laying on the ground; "I can't believe you committed suicide. I can't believe you committed suicide. How could you have done this? How could you have committed suicide?". Damn, now THAT is how you deliver a line. Someone's gotta tell King and Stielberg that they really need to step up their game.

This whole movie is pretty much shot inside of ALL of what I believe to do be Neil Breen's house. And if it's not his house, than it is definitely one of his friends or something. From it being the scene of him being in the "hospital" or at a friends house, you can just always tell it's his house.

I can't say much more about this movie aside from that it is nothing short of perfect, 10/10.

Neil Breen is pretty much an older, less sexy Tommy Wiseau

[lesmoughjames · 2/10 · 19 November 2017]

If you review this as a film- it's acting, it's dialogue, it's plot and it's cinematography- Neil Breen's movies resemble Wiseau's 'The Room'. Everything is so amateur and leaves the viewer questioning the director's sanity due to how he could see this as a complete movie.

Neil fully resembles Tommy; both are under the illusion that their movies are masterpieces due to the fame garnered when in reality they're just well known due to their odd existence. Neil is also the main character of his films, in this case, Fateful Findings, further supporting the argument that he's just gone a little bit crazy because of his midlife crisis .

If you expect a comprehensible movie, you're looking in the wrong place. If, however, you're looking for something to laugh at with a few friends, this is a great movie to watch. Honestly, I enjoyed it; Fateful Findings is so unaware of what it truly is, making it a thoroughly hilarious experience. Now, I am being a little vague with what this movie is about and that's because it feels like a soap opera- there really isn't a plot, just 'social' interaction. So many things happen at the same time- Neil's character Dylan is hacking the government, then a friend of his is murdered. he also spills his coffee in one of the most exaggerated, immersion breaking, attempts to act I have ever seen.

If you want a film for cheap gags- 10/10

If you want a real film- 2/10

Better Than Sex

[damanibailey · 10/10 · 11 June 2017]

Neil Breen is at it again with his profound insight into the corruption of the government and the plight of mankind. Through his cinematic masterpiece, we all learn what our "leaders" have been hiding from us this entire time. Move out of the way Hitchcock, sit down Nolan, take a step back Kubrick, and Scorcese; shut the f*** up! It's time for the new god of film to rise to the rank of best filmmaker ever.

All of the actors, while talented in their own right, owe a great deal to Breen as he has saved them from the casting couch to give them work here. Nearly all of the actors make sure that they take their sweet time to say their lines to squeeze out every last juice of emotion out of their character. You won't see people in real life emote like this, that's for sure! I literally had to take the speed of the movie to 1.25 to have it sound like regular people were talking. The way that the movie portrays relationships is true and genuine, and will surely make you question you talk to your loved ones. Take for instance the main character Dylan, and his best friend Jim. In one scene, Dylan believes that Jim has taken his own life. While carrying his lifeless body, with Jim's blood all over his face, he says to him, word-for-word. "How could you have done this, how could you have committed suicide. I can't help you out of this one Jim". Amazing. While any other person would be distraught, Breen has to be the center of strength for everyone else and treats the situation as if he lost his lawnmower. Simply awe-inspiring. And let's not forget the way that the actors show you their conviction and emotion through slowly knocking over the several laptops that Breen's character owns, or spilling liquid on each other's chest to expose their breasts. You will not find a caliber of acting ability outside of this masterpiece besides the Hub itself.

Breen has an incredible sense of pacing and attention to detail, as the director's vision envelops you in this world of wonder. If nothing else, you will always see the feet of every single character, which is a new, avant-garde way of shooting a scene never before seen and most certainly not a foot fetish. While viewing this with an associate film viewer of mine, we noticed that the story is told in a cyclical sort of way. There is no progression in the traditional sense, but instead, events that repeat themselves over and over again. Breen's character has a vision, he has a sexual encounter with a female co-star, he goes to one of his two therapists, he continues his fight against the Illuminati, a character dies for no real reason, rinse and repeat. It is a true parallel to how life repeats itself from the day we are born to the day we leave this earth. As I was viewing this with my cohort, I was emotionally overwhelmed, as it resonated with me like nothing or no one ever has before. I could not contain myself and purged fluids from my body out of pure ecstasy.

Neil has no humility whatsoever, and why should he? He is a god among us feeble mortals. Excellence like this has never been achieved before. Time and time again, he asserts his superiority throughout his craft. The sex god is not afraid to show himself in his glory and the raw passion he has for the female form. Even if he has just been put into a coma, and literally bleeding all over his body, he is coming for that booty. And nothing can be done; no one can resist. Literally, every female character in the movie is after his Mandingo manhood, whether they are of legal age or not. Even his therapist gets jealous when he suspects he has been two-timing him. In the final 10 minutes of this movie, I was screaming as my brain could not handle the truth that Breen was unleashing unto me. Breen's character, (who all of a sudden is an expert hacker) hacked into the databases of not just the United States government, but every single government of the world, and collected crucial information. What the information was, we do not know, and it was never actually distributed to the public, but Breen's word was enough, as the government officials and presidents of corporations confessed to their sins gladly and committed suicide in front of an applauding audience. I have already said too much; please go and watch this piece of history that every man, woman, and child should behold as their new guide to life.

All authors of the review with the letter N or B in their name are actually Neil Breen.

No, just.... no

[Quinoa1984 · 1/10 · 7 September 2016]

Full disclosure time: I watched Fateful Findings not necessarily with the intention of expecting a legitimately good movie. It's a sad state of affairs to do this when there are legitimately good to great films waiting to be taken in by my eyes and ears. This said, after witnessing the s***-spectacle known as Double Down, my intrigue for a Neil Breen film shot in HD and this time with more actors than just himself on a rocky ledge with a bunch of laptops and tuna fish cans and maybe one or two others shot up. Hell, I'll say it, I was hoping for a good, hysterically so terrible it's wonderful time, as it is not something out of the bland-bad product factory known as Hollywood's genre world, but rather a singular vision. As it turns out Fateful Findings didn't disappoint, per- say, except to note that it may take the title for the worst film ever made.

Yes, somehow, this is at least in league with After Last Season. It's hard to be more terrible than that poor excuse for a snot rag, but this time Breen outdoes himself from Double Down in some ways; here he gives himself a "character" (must use quotes) who as a child with another girl found some magic rock by a tree or something, I don't f***in' know, and years later is a famous novelist working on his latest book... OR IS HE?! He also has a girlfriend and some neighbors or other friends and yet he is actually not writing a book but is hacking into all of the secret government secrets that there are to hack, and he needs a bunch of laptops you see, so then he tries to make sure that no one sees his secret unless he somehow gets close enough to someone but then they can't tell but wait what about his therapist and oh no I've now been trapped in a run-on sentence.

This is sheer madness and a level of technical and storytelling ineptitude that is out of this solar system. It may not be *as* incomprehensible as Double Down, but Breen makes up for that by giving us... do I call them characters or placeholders in his weird- ass plot, who are generally terrible people. And all the while the production value is like that of a cheap porno, but (usually) without the porn. Oh, there is some "sexual" elements (lots of side boob, though not quite full on nudity), and not unlike the other towering 21st century Master of Bulls*** Cinema, Tommy Wiseau, he can't help but show his butt at one point to the camera.

No, what makes this so absolutely, mind-bogglingly, spectacularly, horrifically bad is the direction. This is direction that sinks to such lows that it goes past the Earth's core and comes back on the other side, like the old thing of "you'll dig all the way to China". Not one moment in this movie, from the performances to the would-be story, is convincing, but Breen thinks he's like the Edward Snowden of filmmakers (maybe with a touch of, uh, Billy Jack Goes to Washington), letting us all know that EVERYTHING IS CORRUPT and must be unearthed so that (spoilers, who cares) the politicians and lawyers and Wall Street crooks can admit to their crimes and proceed to (I'm not making this up) shoot themselves and kill themselves because... WHY!? Not to mention many scenes where Breen, surrounded by his laptops (I thought maybe it'd almost be genius of him to keep adding or subtracting laptops from shot to shot, hey, who would know), gets frustrated and throws his books (wait, are they actually Bob Woodward books?) and then... oh, nevermind.

All of the acting has at best a flat tone and at worst the sort of energy that sucks the life out of a room. There are many moments here that can bring out the "WHAT?" reactions out of an audience, but it's also worse to take in than something like The Room because there are stretches where there's no real 'kick' to the dialog. It almost seems like it takes a skill, ironically, to f*** up on every level of filmmaking: of (not) directing actors), of (not) having a convincing and memorable score, of (not) having shots that match up in the editing, of (not) having anything coherent to ultimately say about... well, anything, whether it's the Government or novelists or romance or uh supernatural rocks that make people sometimes teleport (huh?) Oh, and it wants to be deep and amazing too - nothing like some pretension to add on top of the pile of failure.

In brief: this is the opposite of good, the KFC Famous Bowl of movies.

No more books!

[scrappybilly · 8/10 · 31 January 2014]

Fateful Findings is a new film directed by the up-and-coming and relatively unknown Neil Breen. It is a political thriller of sorts with paranormal and cosmic undertones including, but not limited to mushrooms that turn into magical crystals, spiritual beings and a car accident that turns someone who already had special abilities into some sort of super genius who now has incredible hacking abilities, is a scientist and well-regarded novelist.

This movie is being touted as a new The Room, a movie so bad that its badness transcends everything that we know about bad movies and becomes sort of brilliant.

Take, for instance, a series of scenes in which the main character, also played by Neil Breen, appears to transport himself into a magical crystal, and the set inside of the crystal is clearly just a basement lined with trash bags to give the illusion of a shiny, black stone. Or the awkward sex scenes, or the insistence that he definitely show off his ass for some required auteur-related nudity.

I'm a lover of bad movies. I think that bad movies can be equally entertaining as a great movie. The only difference is that what is so enjoyable about a bad movie is unplanned and completely unintentional. They work as the best kind of comedy, being totally devoid of self- awareness. A certain amount of schadenfreude is involved when you get so much pleasure out of these movies, because you're always aware that the director and his cast and crew set out to make something legitimately great and entertaining, but failed miserably along the way. We laugh at the movie screen not because of some wonderfully witty banter, but because each reaction shot seems to be filmed on a different day with a different lighting set-up and no consideration for the audio matching the rest of the scene.

If you, too, are a lover of bad movies and cinematic failures, Fateful Findings will be perfect for you. It was a sincere effort to say something meaningful, obscured through bad writing, terrible performances and direction that never really found any sort of groove. The opening shot of the movie is pretty damn masterful and builds tension and you're thinking that you might be watching a movie from a skilled craftsman, but immediately after that, the movie looks like an after school special from the 1980's, and then the cinematography only gets worse from there. It's like the quality declines and then does a reverse plateau somewhere near the bottom and flatlines from there until the movie is over.

Fateful Findings is good, very good, but not great. It won't rank as highly as The Room, Birdemic or Troll 2 in years to follow. It just doesn't have the personal auteuristic passion of a romance that had gone sour, obviously inspired by a real breakup. It doesn't have the spectacular set-pieces involving birds that crap acid and explode when they hit buildings. And no one pisses on hospitality.

"No more books!" is going to be the oft-quoted line from this movie, when our main character chucks a book he wrote at one of his five laptops that he utilizes for hacking "the most secret government and corporate secrets" despite never being on. He mostly just sits at a black screen and clacks away and nods, letting us know his efforts are successful.

Through a series of events including a pretty realistic looking car accident, our main character meets up with his childhood love, now working in the hospital he visits during his recovery. He mentions to her that he knew he was in love with her when they were 8 years old, which means I guess that they're the same age, even though he's gotta be at around 60 and she at least half that age. Because this movie was written and directed by the star, every woman in the movie seems to have a huge boner for him, everyone from his drug-addicted girlfriend to his former childhood love to the teenage neighbor next door.

I'm unable to write a straightforward review for this movie because it doesn't follow any sort of traditional narrative. I mean, it has a beginning, it has a middle, it has a climax and some sort of resolution at the end there, but the plot itself doesn't make a whole lot of sense. There is magic and gems and floating vapors of ghosts and mysterious men with strange abilities, leading to a massive exposé on corruption, but how all of those things actually fit together is anyone's guess. It could be argued that Neil Breen is employing some Lynchian, dreamlike logic to his movies and has created a low-budget surrealist masterpiece— the black gem of this movie is like the blue box from Mulholland Drive. If that's the way you want to read into it, awesome.

If you have an interest in cult movies, watch Fateful Findings as soon as you can at your local grindhouse or when it inevitably becomes available on home video.

In what universe does this get a "4.7"???

[PrinceBuster5 · 1/10 · 26 November 2019]

Sure, I have a soft spot for Neil Breen, who doesn't, but his films are far and away the worst movies ever made with the intention that they are to be good. To be honest, I get enough Breen from The Cinema Snob.

Yes, of course I applaud someone with no training, budget or talent taking on Hollywood & doing _every_ possible role in the film. Actor, director, producer, writer, camera, promos - Neil Breen does it all. But very, very badly. So regardless of any soft spot for Neil, IMDB is meant to be serious, meaning that all of his 'films' are only worth 1 star.

Fateful Findings - Movie Review

[MattBrady099 · 10/10 · 9 May 2016]

Dylan: "I can't believe you committed suicide. I cannot believe you committed suicide. How could you have done this? How could you have committed suicide?"

Yes, that's the dialogue in "Fateful Findings" and it truly is something special. Just like "The Room", this is one of those films you have to see to believe. It truly is the best mistake that has ever happened to cinema. But it would be so easy for me to say this movie is bad, but that would just be too boring and predicable. Yes, I know this movie is not good at all... it's freaking amazing. A masterpiece, is what I call it.

I only chuckled a few times while watching "The Room" and "Birdemic", but watching this almost had me in tears. I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard at a movie that's suppose to be taken seriously or I think it was. There was never a moment in this movie that I thought dragged. Every scene in this movie was like poetry, it rhymes. This was a magical experience that will never be topped by any movie.

The editing and the audio is what really makes this movie. Confusing cuts that jumps to the next scene unexpectedly and the awkward moments where you clearly see the actors silently waiting for someone to shout "cut", to end the scene. I mean, anyone can edit and improve the audio for this movie, but then again, it's what makes this movie a hidden charm.

Don't get me started on the acting in this movie, as it was truly Oscar worthy. This is the kind of acting you'll see on a porno but with more story and depth. Tommy Wiseau is like Brando compared to Neil Breen acting, but you see, that's the hidden genius of Neil Breen, as he's comedic timing was better than Wiseau and just the acting alone is so convincing. Watch this clip and tell you don't feel the pain in his eyes & voice.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKRDVbTKi_I

Overall: "Fateful Findings" is a masterpiece. It's spiritual, engaging, emotional, and just a true poem of storytelling. If you haven't seen this yet, please do, you won't be disappointed.

This Hurt

[ChrisDisGay420 · 6/10 · 19 November 2017]

The dialogue is that of NPC conversation from The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion.

I watched the movie twice and honestly have trouble explaining what it's even about. It jumps from plot point to plot point without a fluid time line. And introduces new elements without explanation.

All that aside though, it does have memorable points. I recommend watching it with a friend or two just so you can recall how bad this movie is. I know I pull out references from this movie with the friend who have seen it.

If you like Trash Films, this is for you. If you do watch it, just know that when you're on your death bed, you'll look back and wish you spent the time watching this movie doing something else.

So bad it was good!

[davidhenryfootball · 5/10 · 8 January 2019]

Whoever made this sorry excuse for a film must have been completely incompetent. It's Neil Breen, who is also the star of the film. I have heard that he is a realtor or something in real life. I think he might have mental problems too. It seems like he has never seen a movie before.

It is so completely ridiculous with the bad acting and terrible dialogue that it is actually pretty funny. It's wildly entertaining. Think of it like the movie The Room, only worse in my opinion, and therefore better.

I especially liked the part where he rubs the blood on his face for no reason. The guy just can't act and neither can his friends. Their facial hair and body types and just all around bad acting makes me think that they are adult film stars most of the time.

He can't figure out when to pick up his cup or get anything right. Did they only do one take of everything? The camerawork sucks and don't even get me started on the terrible greenscreen backgrounds. What a joke.

Even though it's nonstop laughs I still could not bring myself to give it more that five starts, due to how bad the acting and the story and everything else was in it.

Not Even Worth One Star

[elicopperman · 26 December 2017]

I mean it, this is hands down the worst movie that I've ever seen in my entire life. For every bad movie I've ever seen, at least I could follow their storylines and there was some inkling of competence put into them. This movie doesn't even feel presentable, especially given the fact that it was released at a film festival. Although regarded as a "so bad it's good" flick, I do not feel that way as this film is so frustrating to sit through.

I don't even know how to describe the storyline as the movie jumps around from one plot point to the next, and not even in a coherent way. At first it seems to be about a boy named Dylan who develops these mystical powers from some black cube and soon uses them to hack into government databases as an adult, but then it constantly shifts between Dylan's friends subplots about these stupid marital dilemmas, Dylan's girlfriend's drug addiction, and even these disjointed misadventures with his childhood friend. The movie doesn't even really develop many plot points; the drug addiction plot point is barely looked upon, a teenage girl having a crush on Dylan is never bought up, and when Dylan's friend Amy shoots her husband Jim, we never see them ever again. Hell, even whenever Dylan goes back to hacking the government, I always forget it all happened, further proving how disjointed and confusing the "narrative" really is.

Adding on to that, the acting is incredibly wooden, and even saying that is an understatement. I guess the film's director could only use his friends for this, but couldn't he have at least tried to make them believable? When they're not failing to rise above being robotic, they either yell at the top of their lungs, or speak at such a monotone level that it's enough to make you fall asleep. However, the worst performance comes from the movie's creator Neil Breen, who plays Dylan himself, and does it so poorly that it's depressing to watch. At least Tommy Wise is so oddball ridiculous to look at and watch that his atrocious acting is delightful to sit through. Neil Breen doesn't rise above being blander than rice cakes and having less emotion than Bella from Twilight. When the best performance comes from a doctor at a meeting, there's a problem.

In terms of other aspects, I guess the cinematography and music are ok, but they reuse the same track over and over again, there are many long shots that don't even have much of a purpose to be there, and the effects are so obvious that even Birdemic had better effects. Oh, and there are a few times when the movie uses a green screen....not even gonna bother stating how obvious it is. I know this was made low budget, but if you can't even make your green screen look good, what's even the point?

To sum it all up....sigh.....no, I'm done. I'm done with this movie, I will never look back at it for the rest of my life. The story is incoherent, the editing is a mess, the characters are blank slates, the acting is worse than any Razzie Award winners, the cinematography and effects are at amateur level, and just everything about it is so poorly done that it's not even funny, it's just sad. If you find this movie ironically funny, good for you, but you will never hear me laughing at this movie, or even watching it anymore because it's that incomprehensible. Honestly, it would be better if you just slammed your head against a wall for 90 minutes instead of watching this, because at least then you'll leave more of an impact on that wall than Fateful Findings ever left on the history of cinema.

More Breenius writing and acting from Neil Breen

[Java_Joe · 1/10 · 12 October 2018]

I think that somewhere along the line Neil Breen just kinda gave up on coming up with new things and just started rehashing old things he's already done.

In "Double Down" he plays a bio-weapon / super hacker / techno Jesus that is able to hack any system and cure brain cancer. In "I Am Here Now" he plays an alien techno Jesus. And in "Fateful Findings" he plays a super hacker with mystical powers.

The acting in these movies is of porno quality. You have non-actors trying to act and give dialogue that nobody would ever say in real life and delivered with all the charm and skill of an elementary school play. You'd think that after three attempts at making movies Neil Breen and his friends would have managed to learn to act. But no, they're all stuck making the same mistakes over and over again.

This is a movie that needs to be seen. It's been hailed as the next "so bad it's good" movie. People have not been this excited over a movie since Tommy Wiseau came out with "The Room". Yes, it's that bad. But at the same time fascinating to see how this guy's mind seems to work. Everything is a conspiracy, the government is evil, corporations are bad and all it takes is a lone super hacker and lots of green screens to show the world.

It really needs to be seen to be believed.

what did i just watch

[binjakukleaa · 1/10 · 6 April 2021]

The worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life I'm not even joking what the hell did I just watch how is this real.

Just no.

[hilary_mae-912-80561 · 1/10 · 21 May 2021]

So so bad. So much so that it was embarrassing to watch.

Basically, it looks like an older man who owns a low budget porn studio, who decides to try and make a sci fi/blue movie, and star in it. Truly, one of the worst movies ever made. I only managed 30 minutes.

The Best Neil Breen Movie of 2013

[K2nsl3r · 10/10 · 28 March 2017]

I haven't written a movie review in a while, but I had to log in to register my pleasure at the discovery of this magical movie. Like a piece of miracle dropped from heaven, it has such purity and innocence that is out of this world. Like a child playing in a bubble bath, a dandelion swaying in the wind, or a dog licking its own balls, this movie reveals to the world just how corrupted the movie business has become with its exaggerated love for "talent" and "skill" and "acting."

A love letter to the lovesick, an orgasm without erection, there is something magical about Neil Breen's touch. So, bend over, close your eyes, and take it. You'll learn to love it.

Masterpiece

[evan-brandao · 2/10 · 16 April 2018]

This movie is legendary. Neil Breen is a visionary filmmaker who is ahead of his time. One day, we will see this man win not one, but many Oscars. I got my local library to add this film to their collection and I suggest you do the same, this film deserves to be admired by all.

My religion

[opearson-48360 · 10/10 · 22 June 2017]

This movie is infinitely superior to every movie ever made. Neil Breen is a true visionary and an inspiration to every aspiring director, actor or president of the United States. Neil Breen's latest masterpiece (fateful findings) is basically the fifth testament talking about the life of our new lord and saviour: Neil Breen. Let us pray. Our lord and saviour Neil Breen, bless us on this day. Give us the sight to watch your movies, the minds to understand them, and the will to proclaim the glory of your films on IMDb. Amen.

A new low

[harryplinkett14 · 1/10 · 29 December 2019]

I will give Breen credit for this: It is impossible to tell whether he is barking mad or trolling. This film is so abysmal in every way imaginable, it really boggles the mind. The plot is incoherent and confusing, the writing is moronic, the acting is beyond bad, the direction and cinematography are completely incompetent and outright insane, the budget is virtually zero, and the 'special effects' are on the level of 'Birdemic'. The only reason you might want to watch this would be to laugh at the insanity and incompetence. But whether this is involuntary comedic or an elaborate trolling effort, is anybody's guess. My hunch is that Breen, sadly, isn't trolling and takes his movies seriously.

god is real

[xxthethermalpasteaddictxx · 10/10 · 29 December 2017]

What more can I say, this film is a master piece, especially when intoxicated.

Oddly Entertaining but Wrong Nips and Butt

[targosfan1 · 6/10 · 30 March 2014]

Definitely not David Lynch, but if you enjoy the oblique humor, mysterious acting and satirical non-plots of Quentin Dupieux - Rubber (2010), Wrong (2012) and Wrong Cops (2013), you will be well entertained. Caveat: we get to see more of Neil Breen's nipples and butt than either of his lovely co-stars'. Pity!

The midnight audience I saw it with laughed throughout the screening, and no-one asked for their money back. Even the swelling of the movie-normal epic music and the classically-framed, well-lit photography was amusing, contrasting as it does with the (presumably?) awful dialogue and delivery by Mr. Breen and his co-conspirators. Things drag a little in the middle third of the film, but the gonzo ending is worth the wait.

PS If you are genuinely surprised by the (satiric, I hope) shocking revelations that corporations and the government are lying, cheating and conspiring against humanity, then thanks for catching up to the rest of us - better late than never!

Looking for a laugh with some friends?

[miilkglass · 1/10 · 2 June 2019]

This film is by no means a brilliant film, actually it's quite awful but in the way that will keep you smiling throughout due to the god-awful acting and visuals.

So in brief without spoiling this amazing masterpiece, this film is about a man who writes books but one day is involved in an accident which shifts him into the mindset of hacking the government, Of course this movie doesn't really have a solid narrative and many of its story elements are all over the place and I'm pretty sure that the plot doesn't start until halfway in. The film doesn't really know what it wants to be as the film ends without any real closure to many of the plot points presented during the movie -but trust me, if you're a fan of 'so bad its good' films, you should definitely add this one to your list.

Props to Neil Breen for following his passion though.