Trama

Jess's first date with Russell ended with a pat on the back. The second date ends abruptly. He explains he is out of dating practice. Nick's friend visits and helps him get over Julia. Winston finds out about Schmidt & CeCe.

Jess walks in on Nick's houseguest peeing in the bathroom with no pants on. She calls it "Tony the Tiger" style, but the guys explain that shirt-no-pants is more Winnie the Pooh or any Chipmunk.

He has a law degree, business degree and Masters in agriculture. He's getting his PhD in poetry which, Jess notes, "sucks for poetry". Nick asks about her date with Fancyman. It was great until the end.

Flash to outside a restaurant, Jess oversharing about how guys her age just want to "go for the gold", but she's stingy with her gold. Fancyman ends up hugging her and patting her on the back.

Winston gets a call from Shelby. Jess turns down an invitation to Poetry Man's class. Winston asks Schmidt to lend him his car, the "manbulance" to give Shelby a ride to the airport.

Cece joins them and sees Dirk, with his scarf on, doing yoga in the living room. He asks her out, but she says she's seeing somebody. Schmidt takes note as she says she's in charge in the relationship. Dirk says that makes the guy her "sexcretary".

Winston helps Shelby pack the car for a bachelorette party in Mexico. She says she doesn't have to go but Winston says that after five nights together they could both use some space. Wrong answer.

Back at the loft, with Jess in the shower, Cece tries to get Schmidt to have a quickie. He turns her down. He tells her he quits. She hears him, but guess who didn't? She unbuttons her blouse, bringing her boobs into it. He says hi to Harold and Kumar, but still says no.

In her room, Jess tells Cece about the Russell back pat. Cece checks and yes, Jess did use her Kermit the Frog voice during the date. She urges Jess to just call him.

Dirk leads his poetry class, with a scarf and harmonica. Nick and Winston sit in. Dirk closes to a standing ovation. After class, two undergrads invite Dirk to a wine and cheese event. Dirk's woman left him because it was getting too hard to (airquotes) "support him financially". He's all about the undergrads now.

"Girls our age, what do they want? They want us to wed them, sire their children, they want you to have a bed frame, they want you to eat off plates. But girls in college, all they want you to do is tell them their photography has potential," Dirk explains to Nick.

Winston announces he's going to call Shelby, while Dirk explains that "give me some space" actually means, "let's have sex with other people."

Cece makes a stab at seducing Schmidt, putting on a business suit. She says she's willing to do anything anywhere. "Even fantasy location No. 3?" Schmidt asks.

Jess tries to make conversation with Fancyman at dinner, asking him how he felt when the Beatles broke up. He was one year old. She talks about getting a mammogram and asks about his prostate. "Our bodies are decaying," she says.

He asks if she's OK and she asks why they didn't kiss the other night. He gets a text and runs out after leaving her cash for dinner and a cab.

Winston leaves Shelly a voicemail, saying he doesn't want space. "I want to be standing right in front of you. I want the air that you breathe to be coming directly out of my mouth. I want to just be passing air back and forth between each other until it's mostly carbon dioxide and we both pass out and die," he says, hanging up. He looks for a flight but can't find any. He shouts to Schmidt that he's borrowing his car.

Cut to Winston peeling out in Schmidt's SUV, and naked Schmidt and Cece cowering in the back.

Nick and Dirk host an afterparty in the loft. Nick is getting nowhere until a girl is impressed that he makes drinks for a living. Jess comes home and wonders why the cast of "The Social Network" is in their apartment.

Nick explains that 20 year olds think he's awesome, he's their Fancyman. Jess grabs a drink and downs it.

Winston drives to Mexico, singing to "Defying Gravity" from "Wicked" as Cece and Schmidt hide. Schmidt has to pee, but she'd rather he wet himself than admit to Winston that they're sleeping together. There'd be a lot of questions like, "Cece, why are you sleeping with him?" She doesn't want to ruin what they have.

Winston crosses the border to Mexico, on to "Popular".

In the loft, Jess kills at flip cup. Shelby calls. She flew back to see him and is in the loft. He tells her he loves her and doesn't want any space. He turns around.

At the border, the border agent asks if he's carrying any non-US citizens. He shows Winston Cece and Schmidt in the back.

At the loft, Jess rides some dude's shoulder and then sees Russell in the crowd. She dives off and hides. He finds her, but she wants a donut. He takes her for a donut, but ends up with a car full of drunk college students.

Nick falls out at the curb and brags about jumping out of his first moving car. He manages to tell Russell that Jess is one of the good ones.

On the drive back, Schmidt threatens to use the fact that Winston sings to "Wicked" alone as leverage for him keeping their secret. But Winston thinks the rules for the universe are out the window if Schmidt can get someone like Cece.

Drunk Jess tells Russell that she gets that he likes dating younger girls because they think he's cool. He explains he hasn't dated since "1989, the year I took her to the picture show in my buggy." "1989 was, my friend, the year that I learned to use the toaster by myself," Jess says.

The text he got at dinner was from his ex-wife. His daughter Sarah is with her and was having an asthma attack and he forgot to pack her inhaler.

He says he wanted to kiss her the other night and do more than that, "I'd like to do you at some point, really give it to you good, but I've forgotten how to tell when it's the right moment".

They agree it's the right moment and kiss. Outside the car, Nick, commands the poison out of his body, puking on the lawn.

Nick calls Dirk, who's still in the back of Russell's car. Nick is 100 yards from the car, but thinks he's out in the mountains. "When does a hill become a mountain?" he cries.