- Max Black: [referring to the diner] This place isn't "When Harry Met Sally", it's "When Harry Met Salmonella".
- Caroline Channing: Max, since it's just after midnight, it's now officially Valentine's Day! I've got something in here for you; guess what it is?
- Max Black: Well, judging from that smile on your face, I'd say it's a finger-sized hole in your apron.
- Max Black: [Speaking in a threatening tone] Look at me gingerbread! If anything happens to him I will staple your nutsack to that chair!
- Max Black: [to Caroline, after both got flowers from Caroline's father] Roses from a man. Now I'm starting to get it. Is it weird that I kind of wanna have sex with your dad?
- Oleg: I would like to hire you to clean my house.
- Sophie Kachinsky: Oh, yeah, this is possible. I will send girl. What is your address?
- Oleg: I don't want some girl. I want you to come clean.
- Sophie Kachinsky: Oh, you cannot get me to come.
- Oleg: Oh, I can get you to come.
- Sophie Kachinsky: No, I can no longer come anymore. No, Max and Caroline can come.
- Max Black, Caroline Channing: No, no, no, no, we're not coming.
- Oleg: So no one can get you to come?
- Sophie Kachinsky: Well, some people can get me to come... Just not you.
- Oleg: Hard to get... I like it.