Jesse Tyler Ferguson credited as playing...
Mitchell Pritchett
- Cameron Tucker: I'm playing a new drinking game. It's called "Every time I'm depressed, I take a drink."
- Mitchell Pritchett: That game exists. It's called alcoholism.
- Phil Dunphy: [Walks in to Haley and Alex scrubbing the kitchen] Whoa. What's all this?
- Haley Dunphy: Mom heard us say we were bored.
- Phil Dunphy: Suckers.
- Alex Dunphy: She heard us from *outside*!
- Haley Dunphy: She has super good hearing, like a seeing eye dog. They have overdeveloped hearing to make up for the fact... wait, the dogs aren't blind. Wait, are they? No, that wouldn't make sense.
- Alex Dunphy: [to Phil] You're right. If I wait long enough, she can get there by herself.
- Phil Dunphy: [His cell phone rings] Quick, girls. Famous Danny from "Moonstruck". Aiello?
- Mitchell Pritchett: Hey, Phil, I'm glad I caught ya.
- Phil Dunphy: What's up?
- Mitchell Pritchett: Uh, it's about Steven and Stefan. They want to see that house on Briar again.
- Phil Dunphy: Really? I showed it to them five times. Last time we were there, I think they got mail.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Yeah, well, that's why I'm calling. They hate upsetting people. Unless, of course, it's me. Then they don't mind waking me up at seven A.M., asking me to call you.
- Phil Dunphy: It's no problem. I'm just hanging around. Kind of bored, really.
- [Alex and Haley gasp]
- Phil Dunphy: What?
- [Gasps in realization]
- Claire Dunphy: Oh, wow. When was the last time we talked under a table?
- Mitchell Pritchett: Dad and Gloria's wedding reception.