Feeding Mr. Baldwin (2013)

Christopher B. Duncan: Lance Bryant

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Quotes 

• Lance Bryant : Don't let Mr. Baldwin get down there by the horse stables. He gets to digging, it'll be a horrible mess.

  Drew : So. you got horses? That's fantastic. I've never actually seen a horse live and in person before. I've always wanted to...

  Lance Bryant : Stables! You hear me say anything about owning a damn horse?

• Lance Bryant : And that right there. That motherfucking shit right there. Is what pisses me off more than anything else. You can't just come to me. To my place of residence. To my motherfucking doorstep and expect a handout. A free fucking handout that will not benefit me in any way, shape, or motherfucking form!

• Lance Bryant : Chapter 2. Paragraph 6. Yes. "Those who refuse to work for success are blood sucking leeches." "Leeches who will success-suck you dry unless you annihilate them."

• Lance Bryant : Okay. So something... Uh, well... Someone may be arriving before I get back. It's a special arrangement. An international arrangement, which could bring about some unfortunate misunderstandings if not handled with a clear and focused mind. You feel me?

• Lance Bryant : In summation, if those little bitches come calling and asking for handouts while you're here house sitting... you have the green light... to use THIS on their asses.

  Drew : Uh... We're still talking about girl scouts, right?

  Lance Bryant : Now, this may be air-powered, but let me tell ya something. This can put a hole the size of a grapefruit, through a squirrel, from ninety-yards away.