Alison Brie credited as playing...
Annie Edison
- Britta Perry: Let me see if he called! I have a right to know! You're monsters! You're Hitlers! You're racist pedophiles! You're the opposites of Batman!
- Troy Barnes: You don't know what that means.
- Britta Perry: Gonna rip out your throats and eat your...
- Annie Edison: Still think the lock was overkill?
- [banging on locked door]
- Troy Barnes: No.
- Annie Edison: [mocking Troy] "There's phones in the refrigerator." It's you.
- [doorknob rattles]
- Britta Perry: I'm glad you guys are reacting this way. I need to be reminded that he's the worst man on earth, because if he comes through town and calls me, I will be there in five minute.
- Shirley Bennett: I don't understand.
- Britta Perry: Uh, André much?
- Shirley Bennett: OK, I understand.
- Annie Edison: I don't.
- Britta Perry, Pierce Hawthorne: You will.
- Jeff Winger: What's that mean?
- Pierce Hawthorne: He's hung.
- Britta Perry: Oh, God!
- Shirley Bennett: Pierce, you're disgusting.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Just like that I'm disgusting again.
- [scoffs]
- Pierce Hawthorne: I was one of the gang. It was in my hand.
- Shirley Bennett: Sometimes, a woman meets a man that she just can't shake from her system no matter much she knows better. I lucked out with André, but God help me. As you all know, there's not a lot he couldn't get away with.
- Jeff Winger: So what, Britta? You're in love with a guy who's named after a kickboxing vampire movie?
- Troy Barnes: [pounds fist on table] A fantastic kickboxing vampire movie.
- Britta Perry: No, I don't believe in love because of this guy...
- [choking up]
- Britta Perry: named after a kickboxing vampire movie.
- Annie Edison: Oh, Britta!
- Shirley Bennett: Oh, sweetie.
- Troy Barnes: [under his breath to Abed] You wanna watch Blade tonight?
- Abed Nadir: [under his breath] Yes.
- Jeff Winger: I love that I have a locker now. All that wasted time going to my car for mid-afternoon wardrobe adjustments.
- [Holds up a shirt on a hanger]
- Jeff Winger: What do you think, hmm? Stick with what's working?
- Annie Edison: You're gonna change your shirt?
- Jeff Winger: Not if it's working.
- Annie Edison: ...It's not working.
- Jeff Winger: Yeah. You're right. I knew it.
- [Takes his shirt off. Annie stares]
- Female Student: [Passing by] I'll have what she's having.
- Annie Edison: Hey, grow up, lady!
- [Continues to ogle Jeff]
- Britta Perry: [Running up to them] Annie!
- Annie Edison: [Awkwardly tries to cover] His shirt wasn't working!
- Annie Edison: You weren't texting Blade, you were texting us. I switched Blade's number in your phone to mine.
- Britta Perry: You tricked me?
- Annie Edison: You tricked me! You ask for my help, you tell me I'm your sister, I do everything I can to make you hate this turd, and the first nice thing he says, and you're over him? Who hurt you? And why didn't it stick?
- Annie Edison: She's calling him?
- Troy Barnes: She was born in the '80s. She still uses her phone as a phone!
- Britta Perry: [introspectively] I wonder.
- [to the study group]
- Britta Perry: I have an ex-boyfriend that travels with a carnival.
- Annie Edison: [study group bursts into derisive laughter] I'm sorry, Britta. Some things are funny because they make no sense and that is *not* one of them.
- Britta Perry: Can you check my messages for me and tell me if he called?
- Annie Edison: I don't think that's a good idea.
- Britta Perry: What if my mother died?
- Abed Nadir: You guys are really talking over Blade.
- [Britta grabs the remote and pauses the dvd]
- Troy Barnes: Not cool!
- Abed Nadir: Annie, subdue your guest.
- Annie Edison: You two are bad friends! Bad.
- Troy Barnes: That's unfair. What about you guys? Okay, you don't like our movie, we can't say the word "Blade," there's phones in the refrigerator. Oops.
- [Britta, Annie and Troy race to the kitchen]
- Annie Edison: Troy, Abed!
- Britta Perry: [Annie opens a drawer to check Britta's phone] Give it to me!
- Annie Edison: That's right, Britta. It's a banana.
- Britta Perry: Why is there a banana in your DVD cabinet?
- Annie Edison: Read the banana, Britta.
- Britta Perry: "You are a lying junkie."
- Annie Edison: I'm sure those words hurt. But you wouldn't be reading them if they weren't true.
- Britta Perry: I am so weak.
- Annie Edison: [phone buzzing] She's calling him?
- Troy Barnes: She was born in the '80s. She still uses her phone as a phone.
- Abed Nadir: Uh-oh.
- Annie Edison: She's whipped by an imaginary douche.
- Dean Pelton: Hey, don't knock it till you try it.
- Britta Perry: I was texting with you guys this whole time? So Blade... isn't a loser!
- [gasps]
- Abed Nadir: Uh-oh.
- Annie Edison: No, let her go. Lost cause, man.
- Annie Edison: I figured it out. I know exactly what to do. I'm just gonna be really, really, really mean to her.
- Troy Barnes: Uh. What don't you get about the concept? Britta likes guys who are mean to her. She doesn't like herself. Give me the phone.
- [Troy writes and sends text]
- Annie Edison: What did you say?
- Troy Barnes: Something nice. Don't worry about it. I'm deleting it from your phone.
- [...]
- Troy Barnes, Britta Perry: [Annie grabs Britta's phone and begins reading texts] What are you doing?
- Annie Edison: I wanna know.
- Britta Perry: Okay, I'm sorry. I was texting with Blade, but it's over now. He's... a loser.
- [Annie glances at Troy]
- Troy Barnes: [sadness fills Troy's eyes] Good night.
- Pierce Hawthorne: How come I'm not best friends with anyone in the group?
- Shirley Bennett, Annie Edison: Aw!
- Shirley Bennett, Annie Edison: Don't patronize me.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Oh.