Sherlock (TV Series)
The Empty Hearse (2014)
Mark Gatiss: Mycroft Holmes
Quotes
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Mycroft Holmes : [loses game] Oh, bugger!
Sherlock Holmes : Oopsy. Can't handle a broken heart. How *very* telling.
Mycroft Holmes : Don't be smart.
Sherlock Holmes : That takes me back.
[mocking Mycroft]
Sherlock Holmes : "Don't be smart, Sherlock, I'm the smart one."
Mycroft Holmes : I *am* the smart one.
Sherlock Holmes : I used to think I was an idiot.
Mycroft Holmes : Both of us thought you were an idiot, Sherlock. We had nothing else to go on, till we met other children.
Sherlock Holmes : Oh, yes, that was a mistake.
Mycroft Holmes : Ghastly. What were they thinking of?
Sherlock Holmes : Probably something about trying to make friends.
Mycroft Holmes : Oh, yes. *Friends*.
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Sherlock Holmes : I think... I'll surprise John. He'll be delighted.
Mycroft Holmes : You think so?
Sherlock Holmes : Hmm, pop into Baker Street, who knows, jump out of a cake.
Mycroft Holmes : Baker Street? He isn't there anymore.
[Sherlock turns to face Mycroft with a puzzled look]
Mycroft Holmes : Why would he be? It's been two years. He's got on with his life.
Sherlock Holmes : What life? I've been away.
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Torturer : [speaking in Serbian] You broke in here for a reason. Just tell us why and you can sleep. Remember sleep? Huh?... What?
[the captive whispers in his ear]
Mycroft Holmes : [In disguise] Well? What did he say?
Torturer : He said that I used to work in the Navy, where I had an unhappy love affair.
Mycroft Holmes : What?
Torturer : That the electricity isn't working in my bathroom... and that my wife is sleeping with our next door neighbor. The coffin maker... and... if I go home now, I'll catch them at it. I knew it! I knew there was something going on!
[Runs out of the interrogation room]
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Mycroft Holmes : If you seem slow to me, Sherlock, can you imagine what real people are like? I'm living in a world of goldfish.
Sherlock Holmes : Yes, but I've been away for two years.
Mycroft Holmes : So?
Sherlock Holmes : Oh, I don't know. I thought, perhaps, you might have found yourself a... goldfish.
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Mycroft Holmes : We have solid information, an attack is coming.
Sherlock Holmes : Solid information, a secret terrorist organization is planning an attack. That's what secret terrorist organizations do, isn't it? It's their version of golf.
Mycroft Holmes : An agent gave his life to tell us that.
Sherlock Holmes : Oh, well, perhaps he shouldn't have done. He was obviously just trying to show off.
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Mycroft Holmes : [analyzing a hat] This is a Chullo. The classic headgear of the Andes, it's made of Alpaca.
Sherlock Holmes : Nope.
Mycroft Holmes : No?
Sherlock Holmes : Icelandic sheep wool. Similar but very distinctive, if you know what you're looking for. I've written a blog on the varying tensile strengths of different natural fibers.
Mrs. Hudson : I'm sure there's a crying need for that.
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Sherlock Holmes : And what about John Watson?
Mycroft Holmes : John?
Sherlock Holmes : Mm. Have you seen him?
Mycroft Holmes : [sarcastically] Oh, yes, we meet up every Friday for fish and chips.
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Sherlock Holmes : But you've missed his isolation.
Mycroft Holmes : I don't see it.
Sherlock Holmes : Plain as day.
Mycroft Holmes : Where?
Sherlock Holmes : There for all to see.
Mycroft Holmes : Tell me.
Sherlock Holmes : Plain as the nose...
Mycroft Holmes : Tell me!
Sherlock Holmes : Well, anybody who wears a hat as stupid as this isn't in the habit of hanging around other people, is he?
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Mycroft Holmes : I'm not lonely, Sherlock.
Sherlock Holmes : How would you know?
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Sherlock Holmes : I didn't know you spoke Serbian.
Mycroft Holmes : I didn't. But the language has a Slavic root. Frequent Turkish and German loan-words. Took me a couple of hours.
Sherlock Holmes : Hmm, you're slipping.