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- Tyrion Lannister: You have children. How happy would you say you are?
- Cersei Lannister: Not very. But if it weren't for my children, I would have thrown myself from the highest tower in the Red Keep. They're the reason I'm alive.
- Tyrion Lannister: Even Joffrey?
- Cersei Lannister: Even Joffrey.
- Joffrey Baratheon: Everyone is mine to torment! You'd do well to remember that, you little monster.
- Tyrion Lannister: Oh, "monster". Perhaps you should speak to me more softly then. Monsters are dangerous and, just now, kings are dying like flies.
- Joffrey Baratheon: I am the king! I will punish you!
- Tywin Lannister: Any man who must say, "I am the king" is no true king. I'll make sure you understand that when I've won your war for you.
- Joffrey Baratheon: My father won the real war. He killed Prince Rhaegar. He took the crown while you hid under Casterly Rock!
- [There is a long, tense silence, as the council wait to see how Tywin will respond to such a shocking insult; Tyrion watches eagerly to see which of the two relatives he despises the most will win. After he takes a second to contemplate his words to his grandfather, even Joffrey shows muted terror. But although Tywin's gaze never leaves Joffrey, he remains completely calm, and continues to betray no emotion]
- Tywin Lannister: The king is tired. See him to his chambers.
- Cersei Lannister: Come along.
- Joffrey Baratheon: I'm not tired.
- Cersei Lannister: We have so much to celebrate. A wedding to plan. You must rest.
- Tywin Lannister: Grand Maester, perhaps some essence of nightshade to help him sleep
- Joffrey Baratheon: I'm not... TIRED!
- [Gendry is held prisoner at Dragonstone. Davos visits him]
- Gendry: So how'd you become a lord?
- Davos Seaworth: Oh, that's a long story.
- Gendry: Better not, then. I'm a bit busy.
- Tyrion Lannister: You just sent the most powerful man in Westeros to bed without his supper.
- Tywin Lannister: You're a fool if you believe he's the most powerful man in Westeros.
- Tyrion Lannister: A treasonous statement. Joffrey is king.
- Tywin Lannister: You really think a crown gives you power?
- Tyrion Lannister: No. I think armies give you power.
- Tywin Lannister: Shall I explain to you in one easy lesson how the world works?
- Tyrion Lannister: [sarcastically] Use small words, I'm not as bright as you.
- Tywin Lannister: The house that puts family first will always defeat the house that puts the whims and wishes of its sons and daughters first. A good man does everything in his power to better his family's position, *regardless* of his own selfish desires.
- [Tyrion smirks]
- Tywin Lannister: Does that amuse you?
- Tyrion Lannister: No, it's a very good lesson only it's easy for you to preach utter devotion to family when you're making all the decisions.
- Tywin Lannister: Easy for me, is it?
- Tyrion Lannister: When have you ever done something that wasn't in your interest but solely for the benefit of the family?
- Tywin Lannister: The day that you were born! I wanted to carry you into the sea and let the waves wash you away. Instead, I let you live. And I brought you as my son. Because you're a Lannister.
- Tyrion Lannister: My lady, people have been laughing at me far longer than they've been laughing at you. I'm the Half-Man, the Demon-Monkey, the Imp.
- Sansa Stark: You're a Lannister. I am the disgraced daughter of the traitor, Ned Stark.
- Tyrion Lannister: The disgraced daughter and the demon monkey. We're perfect for each other.
- Tyrion Lannister: How long does it go on?
- Cersei Lannister: Until we've dealt with all our enemies.
- Tyrion Lannister: Every time we deal with an enemy, we create two more.
- Cersei Lannister: Then I suppose it will go on for quite a long time.
- [Tywin and Tyrion discuss the Red Wedding]
- Tyrion Lannister: Walder Frey is many things, but a brave man?
- Tywin Lannister: No. He never would have risked such an action if he didn't have certain assurances. Which he got from me. Do you disapprove?
- Tyrion Lannister: I'm all for cheating. This is war. But to slaughter them at a wedding...
- Tywin Lannister: [dryly] Explain to me why it is more noble to kill 10,000 men in battle than a dozen at dinner.
- [Arya overhears several Frey soldiers talk jokingly about Robb's decaptitaion and Catelyn's death around a fire. She approaches]
- Arya Stark: Mind if I keep warm?
- Frey Soldier #1: Fuck off!
- Arya Stark: But I'm hungry.
- Frey Soldier #2: Does 'fuck off' mean something different where you're from?
- Arya Stark: I've got money.
- [Arya shows the coin Jaqen H'ghar gave her]
- Frey Soldier #2: What kind kind of coin is that?
- Arya Stark: It's worth a lot.
- [Arya deliberately drops the coin]
- Arya Stark: Sorry.
- Frey Soldier #2: Little shit.
- [as the soldier bends down to pick up the coin, Arya grabs him and stabs him in the neck repeatedly. The other people try to attack, but the Hound saves her and kills them]
- Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane: Where did you get the knife?
- Arya Stark: From you.
- [the Hound takes the knife from Arya]
- Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane: Is that the first man you killed?
- Arya Stark: The first man.
- Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane: Next time you're going to do something like that, tell me first!
- [the Hound walks away. Arya bends and retrieves the coin with her bloody hands]
- Arya Stark: [whispers] Valar Morghulis.
- Tyrion Lannister: Keep up!
- Podrick Payne: I don't think I can, my lord.
- Tyrion Lannister: It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy.
- [Bran tells his companions about the Rat Cook]
- Bran Stark: It wasn't for the murder that the Gods cursed the Rat Cook, or for serving the King's son in a pie. He killed a guest beneath his roof. That's something the Gods can't forgive.
- [Roose Bolton and Walder Frey discuss their victory over the Starks and Tullys, while servants clean the floor of any trace left of the Red Wedding]
- Walder Frey: The late Walder Frey. Old Tully called me because I didn't get my men to the Trident in time for battle. He thought he was witty. Look at us now, Tully! You're dead, your daughter's dead, your grandson's dead, your son spends his wedding night in a dungeon, and... I am Lord of Riverrun.
- [Walder Frey snickers nastily]
- Roose Bolton: The Blackfish escaped.
- Walder Frey: An old man on the run, no allies. I have Tywin Lannister backing me, who does he have?
- Roose Bolton: As you say.
- Walder Frey: They all laughed at me, all those high Lords, they all thought they were better than me. Ned Stark, Hoster Tully. People snigger when I marry a young girl, but who said a word when Jon Arryn married that little Tully bitch?
- Roose Bolton: You'll be needing a new young girl.
- Walder Frey: Yeah, got that to look forward to. And you, a Warden of the North, no more Starks to bow and scrape to. Must have been torture following that stupid boy all over the country.
- Roose Bolton: He ignored my advice at every turn. If he had been a trifle less arrogant...
- Walder Frey: Call himself the Young Wolf. How is that for pomposity? Well, here's to the Young Wolf.
- [Walder Frey raises his cup, then mockingly makes a sound of wolf howling]
- Roose Bolton: Forever young.
- [they laugh]
- Walder Frey: Will you move to Winterfell now that the war's over?
- Roose Bolton: At some point, perhaps. But Winterfell's in ruins.
- Walder Frey: Yeah... what happened up there? I heard the Greyjoy boy seized the place. I heard he killed all the ravens. And after that, nothing.
- Roose Bolton: I sent my bastard Ramsay to root him out. Robb Stark offered amnesty for the Ironborn if they gave us Theon.
- Walder Frey: Oh. And...?
- Roose Bolton: Ramsay delivered the terms. The Ironborn turned on Theon, as we knew they would. They handed him over trussed and hooded. But Ramsay... well... Ramsay has his own way of doing things.
- Balon Greyjoy: I've made my decision!
- Yara Greyjoy: And I've made mine! I'm going to pick the fastest ship in our fleet. I'm going to choose the fifty best killers on the Iron Islands. I'm going to sail up the Narrow Sea, all the way to the Weeping Water. I'm going to march on the Dreadfort. I'm going to find my little brother. And I'm going to bring him home.
- Tyrion Lannister: You have children. How happy would you say you are?
- Cersei Lannister: Not very. But if it weren't for my children, I would have thrown myself from the highest tower in the Red Keep. They're the reason I'm alive.
- Tyrion Lannister: Even Joffrey?
- Cersei Lannister: Even Joffrey.
- Davos Seaworth: You ever been in a boat before?
- Gendry: No.
- Davos Seaworth: Do you know how to swim?
- Gendry: No.
- Davos Seaworth: Don't fall out!
- [Gendry nods]
- Ramsay Snow: People talk about phantom limbs. An amputee might have an itch where his foot used to be. So I've always wondered: Do eunuchs have a phantom cock?
- [Ramsay holds his pork sausage up high, and Theon sobs]
- Ramsay Snow: Next time you think about naked girls, will you feel an itch?
- [Ramsay shakes his pork sausage]
- Ramsay Snow: Sorry. I shouldn't make jokes. My mother taught me not to throw stones at cripples... but my father taught me: aim for their head!
- [Theon is painfully tied to wooden cross, while Ramsay sits at a table and eats leisurely]
- Theon Greyjoy: [whispers] Kill me...
- Ramsay Snow: Say what?
- Theon Greyjoy: Kill me...
- [Ramsay puts his hand over his ear, pretending not to hear what Theon said]
- Ramsay Snow: A little louder.
- Theon Greyjoy: [yells] KILL ME!
- Ramsay Snow: You're no good to me dead. We need you.
- [Shireen teaches Davos to read. He tries to read a scroll and mispronounces the word "night"]
- Shireen Baratheon: Night.
- Davos Seaworth: ...the first night of the full moon. Why is there a G in "night"?
- Shireen Baratheon: I don't know, there just is.
- [Jon stops on the way to Castle Black. He drinks from a small pool. Suddenly he hears a noise from behind, turns around and sees Ygritte pointing an arrow at him. Jon stands]
- Jon Snow: Ygritte, you know I didn't have a choice. You always knew who I was, what I am. I have to go home now. I know you won't hurt me.
- Ygritte: You know nothing, Jon Snow.
- Jon Snow: [chuckles sadly] I do know some things. I know I love you.
- [Ygritte whimpers]
- Jon Snow: I know you love me. I have to go home now.
- [Jon turns back to the horse. Ygritte shoots. The arrow hits Jon in the back. He falls, groans painfully. Ygritte reloads her bow. Jon struggles to his feet, approaches the horse and mounts it. Ygritte shoots again at Jon, hitting his right thigh. Jon shrieks in pain. Ygritte reloads. Jon rides away. Ygritte shoots a third arrow, hitting Jon's back. Jon shrieks in pain, but does not fall. Ygritte's eyes are filled with tears]
- Sansa Stark: So, how should we punish them?
- Tyrion Lannister: Who? Whom?
- Sansa Stark: Ser Eldrick Sarsfield and Lord Desmond Crakehall.
- Tyrion Lannister: Ah. I could speak to Lord Varys and learn their perversions. Anyone named Desmond Crakehall must be a pervert.
- Sansa Stark: I hear that you're a pervert.
- Tyrion Lannister: I am the Imp; I have certain standards to maintain.
- Davos Seaworth: If you mistrust fancy people so much, why were you in such a hurry to trust her?
- Gendry: You're me. Never been with a woman. Never talked to a woman, really. And then she comes at you - big words, no clothes. What would you have done?
- Davos Seaworth: She does know her way around a man's head, I'll give her that.
- [Ramsay approaches Theon and smells him]
- Ramsay Snow: You reek.
- [Ramsay steps backward, excited of his idea of new name for his captive]
- Ramsay Snow: [exclaims] Reek! That's a good name for you! What's your name?
- Theon Greyjoy: Theon Greyjoy.
- [Ramsay slaps Theon hard. Theon groans in pain]
- Ramsay Snow: What's your name?
- Theon Greyjoy: [defiantly] Theon Greyjoy.
- [Ramsay punches Theon, this time harder. Then he grabs Theon's face]
- Theon Greyjoy: [whispers painfully] Please...
- Ramsay Snow: [harshly] WHAT... IS... YOUR... NAME?
- Theon Greyjoy: Reek!
- [Ramsay nods approvingly]
- Theon Greyjoy: My name... Reek.
- [Ramsay smiles nastily. Satisfied, he lets go of Theon and walks away. Theon sobs]
- [heavy-heartedly, Tyrion intends to tell Sansa about the Red Wedding]
- Tyrion Lannister: Sansa...
- [Sansa turns, her face is stained with tears, and Tyrion sees she already knows about what happened to her mother and brother. He walks out]
- Sansa Stark: We could sheep shift Lord Desmond's bed. You cut a little hole in his mattress and you stuff sheep dung inside. Then you sew up the hole and make his bed again. His room will stink, but he won't know where it's coming from.
- Tyrion Lannister: Lady Sansa!
- Sansa Stark: My sister used to do that when she was angry with me. And she was always angry with me.
- [Sansa chuckles]
- Tyrion Lannister: Why 'sheep shift?'
- Sansa Stark: That's the vulgar word for 'dung!'
- [Tyrion realizes what Sansa means]
- Tyrion Lannister: My lady...
- Sansa Stark: Well, you asked me...
- Samwell Tarly: You're Jon's brother! The one who fell from the window!
- Bran Stark: [quickly] No, I'm not!
- [Sam sees Summer, Bran's direwolf]
- Samwell Tarly: I've been around Ghost long enough to know a direwolf when I see one.
- Jojen Reed: [about the army of the dead] The Night's Watch can't stop them. All the Kings of Westeros and their armies can't stop them.
- Tywin Lannister: Do you want to write a song for the dead Starks? Go ahead, write one. I'm in this world a little while longer to defend the Lannisters, to defend my blood.
- Tyrion Lannister: The Northerners will never forget.
- Tywin Lannister: Good. Let them remember what happens when they march on the south.
- Shae: Why do you want me to leave?
- Lord Varys: Tyrion Lannister is one of the few people alive who could make this country a better place. He has the mind for it, he has the will, he has the right last name. And you - you are a complication.
- Melisandre: This War of Five Kings means nothing. The true war lies to the north, my king. Death marches on the Wall.
- [Tyrion reads Lord Frey's letter aloud]
- Tyrion Lannister: "Roslin caught a fine fat trout. Her brothers gave her a pair of wolf pelts for her wedding. Signed Walder Frey." Is that bad poetry, or is it supposed to mean something?
- Lord Varys: [to Shae] You've been a good influence on our mutual friend, you know. He used to drink from sundown to sunup, visit three brothels a night, gamble away his father's money. Now it's just the drinking.
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