Chastity Bites (2013) User Reviews

Campy Satire with a dash of feminism

[gccates · 6/10 · 14 November 2013]

Welcome to San Griento, We Focus on the Family After a brief scene that could play out in any horror satire the audience is introduced to protagonist Leah, ultra feminist journalist and town pariah, and her best friend the sweet but insecure Katherine.

Katherine is seen reading what is obviously Twilight and reflecting on it's romantic nature while Leah explains that the useless book does nothing but objectify women.

Cue the resident mean girls nicknamed The Hiltons entering the scene. The leader Ashley is a half Asian version of Regina George from Mean Girls who comes off like a little Chihuahua barking around orders. She frequently uses the word chicas despite throwing constant shade at the Mexican Gretchen Weiners of the group Noemi. Then there is ditzy blonde Kelly who is the Karen Smith of the group. The fourth Hilton is not as memorable and doesn't have as many hilarious one liners.

We also meet the mothers of the three most memorable Hiltons, three botoxed housewives obsessed with being youthful and their status in the community. They are the ones who organize chastity leader Liz Batho's arrival at the school. Ashley's mother Jillian at Liz's request has her daughter encourage her friend's to become chastity leaders in the school's group VAG.

While Leah smells something fishy abut Liz from the very beginning Katherine is intrigued by Liz describing her as just elegant and cultured and stuff. She is easily sucked in and develops a crush. Katherine thinks Leah is just angry that this VAG club ruined her big story.

While the horror movie aspect of the movie reeks bad 80s style Syfy TV movie the comedic aspect is what makes this movie watchable and enjoyable. The Hilton's deliver one liner after one liner and have amusing interactions. Liz Batho is played is the right blend of icy, campy, and deceitful. I could easily see this movie airing on Chiller, Syfy, or Lifetime and it has all the fixings of a cult hit.

Probably should have been better than it is

[bowmanblue · 4/10 · 16 June 2017]

Even since the original 'Scream' film back in 1997, it's been popular for horror films to kind of parody themselves and point out their own clichés while satirising the genre. Sometimes it works well, as in 'Cabin in the Woods' while other times it kind of falls a bit flat. Here, in 'Chastity Bites,' it sadly falls into the latter. We open in a high school where a clique of (stereotypical, if you've seen any teen movie ever – horror, or otherwise) 'popular' girls rules the class with their status and, of course, shallowness. The two – equally clichéd – unpopular girls (who dress conservatively and don't want to jump into bed with the first high school jock who takes off his football helmet) walk around discussing poetry, philosophy and generally do their best to show us – the audience – how downtrodden and relatable they are. Then a – clichéd British – villain comes along in the form of a woman who teaches the virtues of chastity to the young, who wants spokespeople to promote her cause. Naturally, the vacuous 'popular' bimbos all sign up (despite their blatant lack of respect for the rules). However, we quickly discover that this woman has a darker motive and wants to suck the souls of the young (or something). She's a baddie – that's all you need to know and it's up to the unpopular duo to 'out' her terrible scheme.

So, it's a kind of 'teenagers versus evil' kind of affair and, like I say, it kind of knows it's a bit dumb and does its best to play up to that fact so that it never takes itself too seriously. It does this by attempting to satirise today's obsession with beauty and social standing among teens (and in some cases adults!). This could work, but sadly it's just not 'fresh' enough to really say anything new or in a different way than we've already seen before (and better). Allison Scagliotti (most famous for her awesomely cool performance as 'Claudia' in 'Warehouse 13') is the lead and she does her best to use her natural quirky charm to good effect. However, the script just isn't up to her talent and the jokes start to fall flat while the whole thing descends into predictability.

It may be a young adult horror/comedy, but it's not really funny enough to be a straight out comedy and there isn't enough gore to really make it that bloodthirsty. They even try to throw in one of the most forced love interest sub-plots ever seen in cinema. The male love interest only occupies a few scenes of screen time and could have been done away with all together and you'd never notice.

You know a film is getting desperate when you see all the visual promotional advertising surrounding the film depicts shots of girls in short 'fantasy' schoolgirl costumes. I can promise you nothing like this ever appears in the film itself! All together it's just a missed opportunity to say something worthwhile about a facet of popular culture than needs a bit of mainstream debunking. Avoid. You won't miss much. Sorry Allison – you were brilliant in 'Warehouse 13.'

Like it like that

[kosmasp · 6/10 · 26 August 2022]

A fun little movie that can - or is up for it (no pun intended). There is a lot of humor here and that is always in the eye of the beholder. And you can clearly see where the movie is heading. So no points for guessing things right.

But if you have a heart for horror comedies that have a low budget ... and poke fun at cliches too. While using some of them of course ... still you could do worse and the acting is ok overall ... again, predictable but fun.

"Virgin blood that tastes a little like water."

[VenturousArtist · 3 May 2014]

It's not very often a film takes you by surprise without resorting to clichés and wasted potential when there's so much or little to follow. Most films these days that attempt to pay homage by 'spoofing' or other forms of respect aren't always executed properly. But in this case, Chastity Bites attempts something different at its best but still has some hiccups that prevents it from being the most ingenious out of the many creations that either feels rehashed or incomplete.

The story follows a writer named Leah that becomes suspicious of a newly profound abstinence educator that schemes an army of virgins to please her vicious desires to collect blood to contain her youth. Of course convincing the entire school would be harder than assassinating an immortal masked murderer, but this doesn't seem like a heavy situation as Leah decides to take matters into her own hands to save her companion in time before she too is slaughtered like other unfortunate victims in their prime.

The film is assembled with a cast that does all of their parts well but also suffers from having some that feel either very unused or simply there to suffer their demise. If we spent more time with some of the characters and the film had taken a darker turn where it felt less like an outdated sitcom, perhaps it would have succeeded more where other films with a similar premise didn't. However, complete credibility for effort to everyone and what it tried is surely due and this film can still be considerably an enjoyable presentation if you can extract the lack of tension and some goofy elements that some may find very distracting.

For that, let's enjoy this cup of virgin blood that tastes a little like water for what it's worth and not less of what it could have been.

The Worst Low Budget Horror Comedy Ever Made

[FilmMan47 · 1/10 · 17 November 2013]

let me start by just saying i am a big horror movie fan either its big budget or low budget.serious or a comedy satire,for example scary movie series are famous.they sure are entertaining then this film.

Chastity Bites 2013 is a film that neither entertains nor stays true to the genre it wants to fall in.all it wanted was to redone what is already been done in scary movie series & other recently released films have done this plot before,take the last decade for example from 2000 to 2010 many films have been made like this, taking inspiration from Buffy the vampire slayer the original 1992 film & the television series that started Sarah Michelle Gellar.

the plot is about a murderer who is cutting peoples throats off & countess Elizabeth Bathory who killed young girls in early 1600,its her believe that if she continues doing that shell stay young she finds her new victims until Leah(Allison Scagliotti)gets in her way.

i saw this film today and to be honest i was not expecting anything but a usual slasher comedy flick but got disappointed,not that i was in for the plot but for the entertainment & some laughs there is not a single scene in this film that got my attention except the performance by the villain Liz played by beautiful Louise Griffiths i was only looking at her,the rest cast failed even Allison Scagliotti could not save it the cast was not interested in this bad script it was clearly visible by the performances,it was bad from start to finish,the climax is written by kids i guess not even one bit funny & totally boring i was waiting for some fun but it never happened.

there is nothing much to discuss here as this film is dull & boring a true insult to the horror comedy genre.

watching chastity bites will be a waste of your money & time,if anyone tells you this film is watchable please don't listen to them.

My Rating Is 1/10 i have seen worst films but chastity bites will go down in history as one of the worst comedy films ever made.Skipp It

An Honest Review

[generationofswine · 1/10 · 23 May 2019]

Poor Allison Scagliotti, she can actually act and gets handed a horrible script like that. Still, she made the film watchable, if not for the fact that she brought her A-Game to it, then just because she's simply dripping in fun, watchable, charisma.

Unfortunately, that's not enough to save it. Most all the other actors were as flat as Illinois.

What should have been a fun cliche movie was just hampered by a bad cast, horrible political diatribes that were supposed to be character development but just came across as extremely dated after only 6 years, and jokes that either didn't land because of the delivery or simply weren't funny to begin with.

But...if you are an Allison Scagliotti fan, it's worth the watch if for no reason than to pray that she lands better roles.

Between the Girl Who Draws Flowers on Her Pimples on Her Face and the Political Garbage, This is a Skip

[soulcrisis28 · 1/10 · 27 September 2020]

Yeah, you read that heading correctly, one of the main leads has ink penned flower pedals drawn on her pimples on her face. Not just one either, but all over like toppings on a pizza. Wtf... This is just another bad cookie cutter character really just pushing political BS down your throat easily forgotten really just wish had never been made garbage movie. Skip it.

The Left-Wing Political Equivalent of a Christian Movie (and misguidedly failing even at THAT)

[seanmurrayi · 3/10 · 25 October 2015]

"Chastity Bites" is the sort of incomplete film that attempts to criticize "abstinence only" sex education, while completely forgetting to even ONCE bring up any valid alternatives.

This presents a fundamental problem with the film's stance on this very issue, where a story about Elizabeth Bathory exploiting "abstinence only" education programs for her evil gain is only countered with the advocacy of teenage girls having sex (with men, very importantly-- more on that in a moment), without once mentioning obvious terms like "condom", "birth control", "safe sex", or "avoiding unwanted pregnancy". No, this film thinks it's just fine for teens (young women, especially) to have sex without having a care for any of that stuff,

Tying into this "pro-sex, sans any valuable sex education" theme is a misguided aim to portray itself as "pro-feminist", while the most crucial parts of the plot's resolution aren't even remotely feminist to begin with.

First, there's the notion that, before our "feminist" protagonist can defeat Elizabeth Bathory, it is IMPERATIVE for her to lie down and surrender herself to a male in order to receive something from the opposite gender, which the story suggests all women would otherwise be lacking. How progressive. This further stresses dubious importance on heterosexual intercourse above all other forms of love and sexuality (which also comes with the implication of turning our so-called "bisexual" female protagonist into someone who is only seen getting romantically involved with a man), as well as implies that it was the dumb, meatheaded MEN who were in the right all along when they complained to the "prep girls- turned-abstinence advocates" for deciding to refuse to have sex with them (without condoms).

Later, after our female protagonist has received her lover's male essence, we reach the story's climax where our so-called "feminist" hero is handed a SPEAR, and uses this very obvious symbol of male power to penetrate the primary antagonist for using her femininity to promote the rejection of masculinity. After witnessing this, we are boldly told by the film, "This is what a feminist looks like"—meaning "a female who takes on the qualities of a man (Male Action Hero, more precisely) and succeeds all thanks to her acquired maleness", because forget Girl Power; REAL proud, independent women need to behave more like MEN!

In all good conscience, this concluding message shouldn't be called "feminism". I'd call it "misguided".

Similarly, our male lead character who is intended to fit the movie's "ideal" of the "perfect man" is an emo flake who reads feminist literature. Along with the female hero, the result is the common archetypes of the Male Action Hero and the Ineffectual Female Love Interest having their genders reversed while both archetypes otherwise function exactly the same as they always have. The film likely sees this as an attempt at being "edgy" and "different" and "challenging norms", but the result on screen makes both these characters WORSE than when these same tired clichés are played straight.

And if anyone was supposed to be won over by the male lead's left-wing political ideals, the film immediately fails to achieve this the moment they introduce this character in his first scene wearing a goddamn Che Guevara T-shirt. This supposedly "smart" character that other intelligent, young women are expected to appreciate (we're led to believe) gains no credibility by donning the archetypal iconography of left-wing revolution that's long been appropriated to feed a capitalist machine. Any comparison to the proud female protagonist who more conceivably thinks for herself is further damaged by the man's later reference of the "Occupy" movement. His left-wing revolutionary attitudes are shaped by mainstream fads and commercial trends and reduced to overused icons and buzzwords that no longer have any meaning, after the System they were intended to rebel against stole their sting.

Initially, I thought this male character was actually being set up to betray the female hero. Right from the start, he came off looking like he was exploiting "pseudo-rebellion" and social trends and movements as a means of selfishly taking something for himself from the more principled protagonist (i.e. her virginity), not much different than Elizabeth Bathory's manipulation of other women. Without being made out to be another villain in the later half of the film, though, the male lead still just comes off as a completely unlikable, mindless tool that our "feminist" hero is all the more stupid for paying him any attention.

Confused horror comedy with political commentary ambitions

[simonesecci · 5/10 · 28 September 2019]

Sort of a direct to video attempt to fuse b movie horror stylistic devices and the wikipedia summarized version of feminist themes, the movie gets lost in its own lack of direction. If you are able to ignore the cringe-worthy moments in the scipt and you are on a high withdrawal from Buffy the Vampire Slayer's binge watching, it could still be worth spending the time on.

Heavy Handed Politics

[Jeffronthi-950-543134 · 4/10 · 3 December 2018]

It's watchable, but the political messaging is obvious and heavy, and the insane amount of shallow stereotyping is gratuitous. Liberal though I am, the far left messaging was cringe.

It was a great idea for a movie, but it definitely fell short.

My Review Of "Chastity Bites"

[ASouthernHorrorFan · 9/10 · 22 May 2014]

John V. Knowles' "Chastity Bites" is a horror comedy that takes the classic 80's idea of fun-time slasher delights. Then mixes that with a fascination for vintage, supernatural idolatry, and upbeat, comedy-camp satire. The film stars Allison Scagliotti, Francia Raisa, Louise Griffiths, Eddy Rioseco, Amy Okuda, Jennifer Gimenez.. "Chastity Bites" is Knowles' directorial debut and my only thought is "why in the h*ll did it take this long?!". The style, feel, and look of the film is that of a seasoned director whose work is effortlessly executed.

"Chastity Bites" follows a group of high school students both frienemies and foes, challenged with the typical social hurdles and proclivities, facing a darker sinister force out to build them up just to tear them down-Lady Bathory. Liz Bathor is on an unholy mission to see that the young ladies of the local high school stay pure and chaste. It is a clever story that is energetic, quick witted and funny. The humor is both straight forward cheese ball humor blended with the darker satirical cultural quips that aren't as "surface". It is one of the few films that I have seen in a long while that fully completes the story arch fully with the same intensity and conviction from start to finish.

The acting is something that pleasantly surprised me, going into the film I was expecting some fumbling by the actors on the dialog and character interaction and elements meant to create a relatable foundation between the actor and audience. At times it seems those fears were to be met but in almost every scene the cast manages to keep the comedic timing without falling flat, and for the depth of dialog, pop culture referencing and repartee this film carries, it isn't an easy feat for Indie films to pull off. "Chastity Bites" is a modern classic that gives good 80's homage without coming off as cheap or forced.

The special effects and soundtrack are timeless and entertaining. The effects remind me of classic 80's horror techniques that never fade, offering good, visual kill scenes, with very minimal CGI. The fact that the film stays closer to the darker side the horror comedy than "spoof" films helps make "Chastity Bites" a film that will be enjoyable time and time again. Plus you can't get a better character than Elizabeth Bathory when dealing with virginity and eternal youth while poking fun at social obsessions and cultural hypocrisies. The soundtrack, both musical and sound effects, create a fun, energy that never holds the film back or feels out of step with Knowles intentions. I really enjoyed this film and think all horror/comedy fans and slasher fans alike should check it out!

Clever and campy horror-film satire

[downsyland · 10/10 · 5 November 2013]

This show is really fun, full of a lot of clever and corny repartee and daring-do antics that will delight people who are familiar with horror-film genres. Through humor, metaphor, and the broad paint brush of absurdity, Chastity Bites exposes the self-serving agenda of the hyper-politicized, religious-Right loonies currently plaguing the U.S. But it manages to do so in a highly entertaining way that kept me glued to the screen, smiling and laughing all the way through.

Technically, production values are high, with clear and compelling cinematography and an ideal selection of music used in a timely and tasteful way. Moreover, the balance between dialog volume, sound effects and music is perfect. Further, they managed to keep the gruesome factor to a minimum, even adding a touch of artful camp to the special effects, which kept the fun-factor well in tact.

If you're looking for some epic, bone-shivery cinematic extravaganza, you may not be as impressed as I am. But if you like humor, horror, camp, good story telling, a healthy dose of snark and witty social commentary, Chastity Bites is the perfect blend.

Decent enough but still with some problems

[kannibalcorpsegrinder · 8/10 · 9 June 2014]

When their school is invaded by a foreign woman, a student and her friend uncover the true meaning of her push for chastity in the local population when she turns out to be an immortal bloodsucker intending to use the students in a special, diabolic ceremony.

This is actually quite a profound and problematic entry that seems to have a lot going for it both ways. One of the biggest issues against it is the fact that there's just no end to the rather lame comedy that runs through this, since it tends to think that the humor derives from the social about-face many of the women portray themselves to be, being in a club intended to push virginity and chasteness among the local kids but being the biggest sluts on campus when no one's looking, and that humor tends to get old very quickly since it's not a funny joke to begin with. That it thinks otherwise means that the large majority of time here is spent doing this without offering a lot of humor on other topics while the film's other topic of concern, how her rampant bloodlust is mistaken for the eccentricities of European society is nowhere near original or clever and makes them out to be even more clueless than they really need to be. It all makes for rather enjoyable teen-comedy tropes that work well with the influx of the burgeoning horror found in the true identity angle that slowly works its way into the later half, but that doesn't mean the rest of the time is all that enjoyable. It's only when it starts being a little more serious with the house raid to uncover the secret ceremony does it all work out in the end with a strong assault that includes numerous encounters with her protectors and the final battle itself, which does make for a rather enjoyable enough time even if there's a lot of problems with it.

Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language and continuous sexual topics.

A lighthearted farce, unexpectedly enjoyable and satisfying

[I_Ailurophile · 8/10 · 24 July 2021]

The opening scene immediately imparts the tone of the film, pointedly satirizing conservative sociopolitical values and jarring the viewer with a spray of blood. While the high school setting of the feature lends it a certain awkward air some viewers may not take a liking to, 'Chastity bites' is consistently smart and entertaining on its level.

The film is less of a bloody romp than it is a snappy mystery laden with teenage drama, but it's aptly fun and engaging. The fast pace of the narrative flow can be waved off with consideration that it's clearly geared toward a young audience, a bent echoed in the soundtrack and dialogue. Despite that youthful glow, solid film-making should mark the movie enjoyable for most.

The cast, above all, is really great. Allison Scagliotti is sharp and endearing as protagonist Leah, a forward-thinking leftist student journalist who alone is deeply skeptical of the activities at her school. Young Scagliotti has proven herself time and again in roles comedic, action-oriented, and dynamic, and she portrays Leah's determination and wit with the practiced skill of a great talent. Prominent opposite her starring role is Louise Griffiths as antagonist Liz Batho, bearing a cold, dark, but entrancing poise befitting such a calculating (fictionalized) historical figure. Yet the supporting cast, in considerably smaller roles, are just as swell, including Francia Raisa as Leah's best friend Katharine, and Eddy Rioseco as love interest Paul. Even Diana Chiritescu, given few speaking lines as Batho's servant Ilona, is pretty outstanding, and Amy Okuda brings the same spark of derisive smarm to high school queen bee Ashley, here, as she gave Tinkerballa in Felicia Day's ground-breaking web series, 'The guild.'

Costume design, wardrobe, hair and makeup, filming locations, set design and decoration, and art direction are far greater than we would usually expect from a film of this tenor. Even for as little as fight choreography plays into the production, it's highly enjoyable; likewise for special effects. Somewhat stereotypical as the soundtrack is for a movies aimed at younger audiences, it's still a small treat for our ears.

While the direction isn't particularly remarkable, the writing is thoughtful and intelligent. From jabbing at rightwing nonsense to playfully intoning progressive ideals; from catty teen sniping to cheeky one-liners and friendly cajoling - the dialogue is keen and entertaining. The narrative, if uncomplicated, is written well - coherent, engrossing, and whole. There's not a great deal of depth to most of the characters, but the assembled cast inhabits their roles so capably, and believably, as to inject more personality than we're led to think they had on paper.

Truthfully, I had low expectations going in; I gather a sense that 'Chastity bites' hasn't been well-received in the grand scheme of things. But I should know better by now - I've seen enough movies dismissed by others, that I've greatly enjoyed, that counting out a feature before I see it for myself is a mistake. I think this is really well made, and simply fun.

I won't pretend it's perfect, because it's not. Admittedly the premise portends more visceral content than what we actually get. Any viewer who isn't receptive to more lighthearted, feel-good fare should probably look elsewhere. Yet the film, as it is, doesn't ever actually pretend to be anything it's not. If a little cheesy, 'Chastity bites' is a solidly crafted picture, and worth watching if you come across it.

THE END OF THE BUSH DOCTRINE

[nogodnomasters · 10/10 · 3 May 2018]

Elizabeth Bathory (Louise Griffiths) is alive and well and living off the blood of virgins. In a small western conservative community, Ms. Bathory leads a chastity movement in high school in a "neo con freak show." Leah (Allison Scagliotti) is wannabe journalist mirrored after Rachel Maddow and is our voice of reason and criticism of modern conservative society.

There are four girls that are the "in" crowd, who take the chastity pledge. They all date African-Americans and Leah refers to them as the Kardashians. Her feminist bumper sticker one-liners seem endless. The four become chastity leaders. Leah asks "What is worse? To admit you are a virgin or admit you are a slut?"

The film is witty and worth viewing for those who like things off the wall.

Parental Guide: F-bomb.Sex?, No nudity

Not your run-of-the-mill slasher movie

[SquirePM · 8/10 · 1 March 2022]

Allison Scagliotti and Louise Griffiths stand out to make this unusual film a pleasure to watch. Much of the rest of the cast seems, strangely, to have been chosen because they are look-alikes for more famous faces. Weird. The acting ranges from just fine to outstanding (Scagliotti) but with a measure of lesser talent sprinkled around.

There is a lot of rapid dialog written in the hip vernacular of teenagers. There is also a good deal of humor throughout. The high school club Virgin Action Group which promotes chastity, for instance, bears the suggestive acronym V. A. G. And some of the girls volunteer to become Chastity Leaders In Training, or C. L. I. T.s. There are comic touches everywhere, from the very light pressure used whenever a throat is slashed to Allison Scagliotti being captured by the big dumb gardener who only wants to lick her feet and tongue her toes.

The credits say it's a Weirdsville Production and that is so appropriate for this weird but enjoyable movie. I'm giving it a rating of 8 out of 10.