Kill Jill

I expected much more from the porn version of Kill Bill. Because Kill Bill is pretty extreme when it comes to violence in a mainstream Hollywood movie, I therefore kind of expected that this movie would have some kind of extreme sex scenes in it. I had my doubts because Hustler usually doesn't make that hardcore sex scenes. But they still have some movies that are really hardcore and I was kind of hoping that this would be one of them. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. This movie is as plain and simple as most of the story based porno movies, which means just boy girl scenes except for one lesbian scene. Despite the fact that all the girls in this movie were really hot and mostly gave good performances, this movie isn't anything else than mediocre.

The lead part that Uma Thurman plays in the original Kill Bill is played by Mya Luanna. I don't get why they have a Asian chick play this part, but I must say that Mya is really attractive. The biggest letdown in this movie was the fact that there were no parody of the scene with the "Crazy 88", were Uma takes on 88 guys in a sword battle. I must say it would have been nice to see Mya Luanna take on a horde of horny guys in a big gang bang scene with plenty of hard double penetration and incredibly messy facials. Well, 88 guys might be hard to get for a quick shoot and Mya might not be up for the challenge. But 8 guys would probably have been a nice number, that would have connected to the original movie and wouldn't have freaked out Mya.

The part of Jill in Kill Jill is of course played by the porn icon Jill Kelly. Jill doesn't perform in any sex scenes in this movie. Despite the fact that I'm a fan of miss Kelly, I wasn't disappointed by the fact that I didn't get to see her in any sex scenes. By this time Jill Kelly had already been retired from porn for several years and she was already 35 years old by the time this was made. Even if her face was still attractive with the make up on, I still kind of doubt that she had that tight body that she once was famous for. If she had it, she would have probably displayed it for old times sake.

Most of the sex scenes was with Mya Luanna. She was in 3 of the 5 sex scenes. I liked her first scene the most. This was also the only scene were she really enjoyed herself. I really enjoyed her moaning and dirty talk during this scene. The lesbian scene with Mya and Dee was a huge disappointment. With two girls as hot as Mya and Dee, the lesbian scene should have been spectacular. There wasn't any passion between these two girls. It just felt like neither of these girls were into pussy and that's a real shame. In the last scene we see Mya have sex with Steven St. Croix, or the guy with the midget penis as some like to call him. Even if Mya Luanna is a really petite girl she just can't get any pleasure out of his tiny cock. And she doesn't even bother to try and fake it. Mya is totally somewhere else during the whole sex scene and you can clearly see that she doesn't get any pleasure out of it. When you compare it to the first scene with her, the results speak for themselves.

The best sex scene in this movie is absolutely the scene with Jasmine Byrne. Jasmine gives a really hot performance and she totally steals the show. She has great chemistry with her guy and you can see that she really enjoys herself. I really liked how passionate she was when she sucked his cock and the anal sex in the end was also really great. The guy even blew his load twice at the end, so you could tell that he really enjoyed himself as well. A performance like Jasmine's was kind of wasted on just one guy. If a girl performs like this she totally deserves to be double penetrated. April Blossom also performed well in her scene and it was great to see her ride Evan Stone's big cock in both the cowgirl and reverse cowgirl positions. It looked like April was enjoying herself a lot and what girl wouldn't if she got stuffed by a big dick like that.

All in all this was a great opportunity to make a good porno movie, but it turned into the usual mediocre stuff that I've seen way too many times before.

I never met a Hustler video like and this pair of ripoffs of the Quentin Tarantino/Uma Thurman hits are typically mindless. Part One is only watchable compared to the worthless, inept followup.

Mya Luanna is okay casting as the heroine, though her acting and that of the rest of the ensemble is much poorer than the usual Adult film, thanks to no-name (probably some more famous pornographer hiding out) director "Caesar Bonobo".

Incoherent script has her ordered to kill her evil older sister Jill (well-cast as Jill Kelly, in NonSex Role after retiring from the porno wars) for using the mystical art of Kama Fu to bad ends. Her saga is woefully short on action, as Bonobo cheaply emphasizes a sex only approach in which even violent clashes take place off-camera, and blood/gore is minimal.

So we get a series of sex scenes with poor continuity, hardly qualifying as entertainment. Hambone Evan Stone seems to be reading his mock- mystical dialog off of cue cards, and the cast is generally out to lunch.

Typical of the asinine approach has Mya ready for battle in a snazzy yellow bodysuit copied after the original film, gets on her matched yellow motorcycle and there's a fade out before the bike can set into motion. Similarly with sword stabbings. Kelly is misused, offering nothing here for her legion of fans. Nonending fails to set up the sequel, which is perhaps a good idea given how truly awful Vol. 2 is.