V/H/S (2012)

Drew Moerlein: Joey (segment "Tuesday the 17th")

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Joey records the four friends in the woods having a little smoke together] 

  Spider : Are you guys doing drugs?

  Joey : [Samantha laughs]  What?

  Samantha : He fuckin' calls it drugs!

  Joey : Wait, I gotta get this.

  Spider : Are you guys doing drugs right now. Seriously?

  Samantha : No, oh, my god, Spider, the look on your face right now...

  Spider : No, seriously.

  Wendy : Spider, can I tell you something?

  Spider : Okay.

  Wendy : You're a fucking dweeb.

  Spider : Whatever, I don't - I don't do drugs. How 'bout that? How's that sound?

  Samantha : Spider, why. What's wrong? Why do you look so scared. Just take a hit.

  Spider : I'm... scared of getting the fear.

  Samantha : What?

  Joey : What?

  Spider : The fear. You never heard of that?

  [Joey and Samantha laugh simultaneously] 

  Spider : Don't laugh. Don't laugh! I'm serious. The fear. You know, when you do too many drugs and then you get, like, all freaked out and crazy.

  Samantha : Spider, there's no fucking such thing as the fear.

  Joey : Just take a hit, bro.

  Samantha : Take a fucking hit and chill out!

  Joey : Come on!

  Spider : I'll take a hit if you don't film it.

  Samantha : Promise.

  Joey : Okay.

  [Samantha hands him the smoke and Joey continues to record] 

• [Wendy continues to drive her friends out into the woods when they start to get curious as to why] 

  Samantha : Because when you told me about this trip, you said it was just gonna be us girls, but now we're...

  Joey : Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

  [Joey begins recording himself] 

  Joey : I need to document this, okay? You told me, Wendy - Wendy, my sweet - That this was just gonna be you and me, and now you've told her it's just gonna be an all girls trip.

  Wendy : Yeah.

  Spider : I'm just glad I'm with, you know, some people and not alone.

  Samantha : I don't want to hear a word about you jerking off.

  Spider : Well, I mean, I don't jerk off that much, but...

  Samantha : Not that much?

  Joey : Come on!

  [the camera cuts to them arriving closer to their destination] 

  Spider : Is this it?

  Joey : I don't know. Is this it? Oh, okay, yeah.

  [dramatically says out loud when reading the dead end street sign] 

  Joey : This is - Ooh, dead end! Let's take the left! Really, Wendy?

  [recording ends] 

• [the four friends in the woods see the tree covered in mushrooms] 

  Spider : Whoa, whoa, look at that!

  Joey : What?

  Spider : Look. Look at this!

  Joey : Oh, wow.

  Spider : Isn't that awesome?

  Joey : [Joey zooms in on the mushroom tree]  Yo, we could trip all day on that.

  Spider : [Spider laughs]  Yeah.

  Joey : [Joey starts stroking the mushrooms on the tree]  Yeah.

  Samantha : [Samantha joins in on stroking the mushrooms on the tree]  Oh, yeah.

  Joey : [the two start stroking the tree together]  Yeah, you like that?

  Samantha : Yeah - Dream on!

  [Samantha takes her hands off the tree and walks away with Spider laughing] 

  Wendy : Joey... You're all gonna fuckin' die up here.

  Joey : What?

  [recording ends] 

• [Spider records the friends talking to Wendy about the murders in the woods] 

  Joey : Wendy, what the fuck were you saying before about us all gettin' killed?

  Spider : Wait, what?

  Samantha : When did she say that?

  Joey : When we were over by the mushroom tree. When we were standing over by the tree, she was like, you're all gonna fuckin' die!

  Spider : What do you mean, like, here? Like, here-here?

  Joey : Here?

  Wendy : Did you guys not hear about this?

  Spider : No.

  Samantha : Why the fuck would I come to this lake if I heard about some damn murders out here?

  Wendy : Yeah. It was pretty bad.

  Spider : Wait.

  Samantha : Are you being serious?

  Joey : You're fuckin' with us! Get outta here!

  Wendy : No, I'm being dead serious.

  Spider : Well, what happened?

  Wendy : Um... You know, the weird thing is that I don't remember what he looked like.

  Samantha : What do you mean, you don't remember?

  Spider : What who looked like? What are you talking about?

  [Wendy starts laughing] 

  Samantha : What?

  Spider : Fuck you! Fuck you! I told you guys!

  Joey : What the fuck?

  Spider : The fear! You see!

  Samantha : She gave me the fuckin' fear!

  Spider : Fuck this!

• [Wendy records Joey as she tells him the truth about the woods] 

  Joey : You were serious earlier, weren't you? About the murders. I remember reading about it now. It was, like, four kids were killed, and the guy - they said the guy was, like, insane.

  Wendy : He was beyond insane. He was evil. This lake ran red with their blood, and I came back...

  Joey : To move on. I - I get it. It's some kind of, like, post-traumatic stress therapy or something.

  Wendy : No, it's not therapy. I brought you back because I needed bait.

  Joey : Bait?

  Wendy : They never caught him, Joey. They never believed me, how - How he was everywhere. How he could be at two places at once. That wall back there - my friend smashed her head open on it.

  Joey : Wendy, this is crazy, okay? I think you need help. Maybe we should just get the others and get the fuck out of here.

  Wendy : They're dead, Joey. He's back.

• [Joey and Spider talk in the woods] 

  Joey : What are you - ? Wait. I have a question. What are you doing here? Huh?

  Spider : See that, uh, blonde goddess up there?

  Joey : No, where?

  Spider : [Joey zooms in on Samantha walking up the hill]  That's what I'm here for.

  Joey : I don't see much of a blonde goddess anyhwere.

  Spider : Oh, uh... blonde crack whore, according to you, right?

  Joey : She is a crack whore.

  Spider : Hey, give me the camera.

  Joey : You're not gettin the camera bro.

  Spider : Just gimme it for a second.

  Joey : Why?

  Spider : Cause I wanna do something with it.

  Joey : No. Go fuck yourself.

• [Wendy drives her three friends out to the lake in the woods on Tuesday the 17th] 

  Wendy : Can you not put that so close to my face?

  Joey : Sorry!

  Wendy : It's so annoying.

  Spider : Wait a minute - You go to this lake every year?

  Wendy : Yep.

  Spider : By yourself?

  Wendy : Um... Yeah. But this year, I have you guys, so it's gonna be fun.

  Samantha : What do you do, just like, walk around the woods and play with yourself?

  Joey : If - If that's what you do, can I play with Samantha?

  Samantha : Get it out...!

  [Samantha hits the camera away from her when Joey zooms in on her legs]