- Lester Krinklesac: [after accidentally firing his gun near Cleveland] He was breaking into my house.
- Cleveland Brown: [to Donna] Sweetie, do you think you could possibly, maybe be having some sort of midlife crisis?
- Donna Tubbs: I'm not the one in crisis! You're the one in crisis!
- Dr. Fist: [to Cleveland about his hearing loss] The good news is, it's a temporary impairment. You'll regain hearing within a week.
- Cleveland Brown: Great! But what do I tell my wife? If she finds out I lied to her and went on a hunting trip, she'll go all Elin Woods on me!
- Cleveland Brown Jr.: [to Rallo] Voting closed two hours ago. What have you heard? How were the exit polls? Have any of the major networks declared a winner?
- Rallo Tubbs: Uh, no, Junior. The major networks have not yet weighed in on your dumbass high school election.
- Holt Richter: Love letters. Wrote 30 of them to Meredith Vieira. Asked repeatedly for a picture of her squatting over a mirror. Closest I got was a Today Show promo picture of Matt, Al, and Hoda Kotb squatting over a mirror. Al had it fogged up, though. Couldn't see anything.
- Cleveland Brown: Is he telling the Al Roker story again?
- Cleveland Brown: [When Cleveland Jr. chases Cleveland, who is wearing a submarine sandwich costume] Now I remember why I keep this in the attic!
- Cleveland Brown: Donna, when I told you I was attending a cable installers' seminar, I lied. I actually went on a hunting trip, where a stray gunshot caused me to go deaf for a few days. I hid my hearing loss from you by simply agreeing to everything you said.
- Donna Tubbs: Wait, you said you went deaf for a few days.
- Cleveland Brown: Ah! Man talking.