Last Man Standing (TV Series)
Pilot (2011)
Alexandra Krosney: Kristin Baxter
Photos
Quotes
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Kristin Baxter : Dad, where's Boyd?
Mike Baxter : Uh, he's napping. He got into the energy bars at work. He ran around until he passed out.
Kristin Baxter : So... instead of taking him to day care, you took him to the blow dart and shotgun emporium?
Mike Baxter : He wasn't around anything dangerous, okay? And I can't say the same had I left him at Hippie Hippie Rainbow.
Kristin Baxter : Bruce teaches sensitivity and tolerance.
Mike Baxter : I just don't think your kid should go to that school. You know how that ends up.
Kristin Baxter : Hmm?
Mike Baxter : Boyd dancing on a float.
[he pantomimes]
Kristin Baxter : And what would be so wrong with that?
Mike Baxter : Then only time men should be dancing is when other men are shootin' at their feet.
Kristin Baxter : Are you gonna meddle up until the day you die?
Mike Baxter : And beyond. I have a very specific will.
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Kyle Anderson : Hi. You must be Mr. B's daughter.
Kristin Baxter : Okay. And who are you?
Kyle Anderson : I'm Kyle. Your dad wanted us to meet?
Kristin Baxter : Oh, god. Did he tell you that I needed a man?
Kyle Anderson : Pretty much.
Kristin Baxter : Great. Well, did he also tell you that I need help because I'm a single mom?
Kyle Anderson : Um...
Kristin Baxter : I'm guessing not by that dumbfounded look on your face.
Kyle Anderson : Oh, no, this is just my face.
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Eve Baxter : Mandy, you're getting glitter on my soccer ball.
Mandy Baxter : Oh, well, now it's a disco ball.
[singsong]
Mandy Baxter : You're welcome!
Kristin Baxter : Oh, look, Boyd drew a rocket. Or a... wiener. You know what? Let's go with rocket.
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Mandy Baxter : Where was his catalog shoot this time? Peru? Portugal? Something with a "P".
Eve Baxter : Yeah, Alaska, with a "P."
Vanessa Baxter : He said he was bringing dinner home.
Kristin Baxter : Oh, good. We're starving.
Mike Baxter : [entering with a giant fish in hand] I'm back!
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Kristin Baxter : Hey, mom, can you take Boyd to day care? I can't be late to the diner. It's our salute to bacon week, and I am the only person who knows how to work the defibrillator.
Vanessa Baxter : I'm running late. Ask your dad.
Kristin Baxter : Oh, not dad. Boyd only knows, like, six words, and half of them are "I blame Obamacare!". He's a bad influence.
Mike Baxter : You know, he's standing right here.
Vanessa Baxter : He does his best.
Mike Baxter : Literally, I'm standing right here.
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Mike Baxter : You know who should take Boyd to day care? Is that deadbeat, no-good father of his.
Kristin Baxter : Yeah, dad. We've been over this, really. I'm doing fine. I know this might be hard for you to believe because you're so old school, but I do not need a man.
Mike Baxter : Well, you got a baby, so you needed a man once.
Kristin Baxter : Ew! All right, I will take Boyd to day care, but I just hope my being late does not cause the Great Bacon Riot of 2011.
Mike Baxter : I like bacon.
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Mike Baxter : Honey, I-I don't think you're ever gonna be able to rely on this Travis guy, and I'm also gonna ground you 'till you can figure out how to change a tire.
Mandy Baxter : [running out] That's so unfair!
Mike Baxter : Who ever said life was supposed to be fair? I'm just doing this so you don't have to depend on a man.
Kristin Baxter : Um, I thought your argument with me was that I needed a man.
Mike Baxter : [stammering] Just concern yourself with this area over here.
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Vanessa Baxter : How's work?
Kristin Baxter : Oh, they're adding all you can eat sausage to the mix tomorrow. It's gonna be mayhem.
Vanessa Baxter : [sympathetically] Mm.
Mike Baxter : I love sausage.
Vanessa Baxter : Your dad can drive Boyd to day care.
Mike Baxter , Kristin Baxter : There's no car seat in the truck.
Vanessa Baxter : Well, I will take the truck. You can take the minivan.
Mike Baxter : [he laughs] You'll take the truck. I'll drive the minivan. You're not kidding right now, are you?
Vanessa Baxter : No, I'm not.