- Alan Harper: I'm guessing it was Berta's recipe.
- Walden Schmidt: It was! But I did the baking, 'cause I am a masterbaker now!
- Walden Schmidt: Man, it is hard when the person you love, doesn't love you back.
- Berta: You don't have to love me.
- Walden Schmidt: What?
- Berta: Oh, you heard me, Mr. Masterbaker.
- Alan Harper: [during a long 'complete honesty in the relationship' confession, Alan ends one story] So, long story short, I kissed the guy. Because, y'know, how else would I know whether or not I was gay?
- Lyndsey Mackelroy: [with a touch of sarcasm] What did you decide?
- Alan Harper: Well, I may love Broadway musicals and have an eye for fashion, but that's where it stops.
- Alan Harper: [about Walden drinking] Is this about your ex-wife?
- Walden Schmidt: No.
- Alan Harper: Walden.
- Walden Schmidt: Maybe.
- Alan Harper: Walden.
- Walden Schmidt: Yes.
- Alan Harper: We need to get your mind on something else. Let's watch some TV.
- Walden Schmidt: Bridget and I used to watch TV.
- Alan Harper: That's the spirit.