Plot

Alan begins working on getting Lyndsey back, but his days at Walden's place may be numbered after Walden hooks up with Charlie's gold-digger ex girlfriend, Courtney.

Walden realizes after the disastrous dinner his chances of patching up with Bridget are negligible. Alan abuses his hospitality to bring over his best ex Lyndsey, even Bertha her equally unattractive 'beau' Elmer. Alan convinces Walden to start looking for girls in bars. To his horror, but Jake's frustrated delight, Charlie's leach-like gold-digger lover Courtney hooks Walden.—KGF Vissers

Trying to rebound from his recent separation, Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right, while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.—CBS Publicity

"Two and a Half Men" - "Nine Magic Fingers" - Oct. 10, 2011

Alan is pretending to house hunt in the paper. Berta says it would probably work better if he wasn't looking in the sports section. Walden says he can stay as long as he needs. This makes Berta sad. Alan asks if he can have an overnight guest. He says he may have the opportunity to "reconcile" with Lyndsey after dinner tonight. They can't "reconcile" at her house because she has a teenage son that he doesn't want to overhear them "reconciling." Walden says it's okay for him to hear it? Alan promises they'll be quiet. Berta adds that it will also be quick. He agrees saying this is why she calls him zippy. Walden wishes Bridget would reconcile with him. Alan says to give it time since it took Lyndsey months to forgive him. Walden asks why she had to forgive him. Alan admits he called her a slut because he thought she was sleeping with Charlie and then he accidentally burned her house down. As he toddles off Walden asks Berta if Alan will in fact move out at some point. Berta musses his hair and says he's so cute.

At dinner Alan and Lyndsey are struggling to find conversation topics that don't make them sad. Out: their kids, him being an idiot, and whether she's had sex since they broke up-- he hasn't.

Back at home Walden's on the couch when Berta's date arrives with a bucket of chicken and some beer. He's a grizzly, bearded, nine-fingered dude and they go off to do the nasty. Walden muses that he has ten fingers and a billion dollars and that guy is getting more action than him. He Skypes Bridget, who looks like she's out at some kind of "Eyes Wide Shut" orgy with masks and naked people. She tells Walden he needs to get out and make friend.

Alan and Lyndsey enter all making out. Walden interrupts with a hello. Lyndsey, immediately taken as Judith was, starts asking about Walden's tough divorce and gives him advice that Ms. Right is out there, in fact she might be sitting right in front of him. He wishes that were true. She says she does too. Alan and Lyndsey convince him to go out and find a woman. Alan does this mostly so Walden will go away and he can have sex. Walden doesn't want to go to a bar at first until Berta's grizzly date emerges in a towel and asks where Walden keeps his plunger. Alan and Lyndsey have mind-blowing sex. He says she was like a different woman. She says he was like a different man. Walden knocks on the door and she says "speak of the devil." Walden comes in and says he found Ms. Right. Alan wonders if the woman he found at 12:30 on a Wednesday is on a leash. The door opens to reveal Courtney, who says "woof."

As they listen to Walden and Courtney have loud sex, Lyndsey asks Alan if that isn't the woman who almost defrauded Charlie into marrying her. Alan says it is. She says Alan should warn Walden before he gets in deeper. Alan has a particularly good "hot diggity" outburst. Alan says it sounds like he's already in pretty deep.

The next morning Courtney sits on Walden's lap and feeds him breakfast, much to Alan's chagrin. Walden proposes a double date with Lyndsey and Alan. Alan demurs until Walden says it will be his treat.

Jake arrives and is awestruck by Courtney spreading suntan lotion on her bikini'd body on the patio. Alan shoos him off and confronts Courtney about her fradulent past and how she sponges off wealthy men. She essentially says, accurately, this is the pot calling the kettle black.

At dinner, Courtney fawns over Walden, cutting his meat, wiping his face. Walden likes her so much that he invites her to move in. She says but "what about Alan?" Alan reiterates this question. Walden notes he's moving out. Alan looks at Lyndsey and says it looks like he's going to need a place to live. Lyndsey wishes him luck with that.

The next morning Courtney and Alan face off again and she says only she can bring the "diggity" and he tells her to not be so sure of herself because he has another card to play. That card is Bridget, who arrives and takes one look at Courtney and tells Walden Alan called her because he was doing something stupid and now she's met her. Bridget says she'll never speak to Walden again if he lets Courtney move in. Courtney says it's not about his money or his sex, she really wants to take care of him. Walden says this is a touch decision. Bridget offers her a $50,000 cashier's check to go away. Courtney pretends to scoff that she can be bought off. Bridget notes that her real name is Sylvia Fishman and she's wanted in three states for fraud. Courtney takes the check and tells Walden it's been fun. Alan says he'd bring the "diggity" for Walden for $50,000 also. Berta says she'd bring it for free.

On the patio Walden is sad that Courtney is gone. He warns Alan that there are some women that will go after a man just for his money. Alan says this is not high on his list of concerns. He reassures him that Courtney probably also likes his chiseled good looks and enormous penis. Walden says this makes him feel better. Alan opines that this makes him want to hang himself. Walden is also sad that Bridget still wants a divorce. Alan says Bridget must still care about him though since she paid off Courtney, which is nice. He says some people would've used that money for medical insurance, a new car, a college prep course for their idiot son. Walden says Alan could have all those things.... if he made more money. Walden thanks Alan for calling Bridget. He tells Alan he can stay as long as he wants, he likes having someone around he can trust. Berta overhears that and says she's out. She decides to move home. Alan is excited to get his old room back. Walden hopes the nine fingered man is gone. After Walden leaves, Alan is excited that things are finally going his way, and then he chokes on some popcorn.