Yes, you read this correctly. This film is definitely capable of turning your head; or in other words, it's capable of turning your stomach inside-out while you turn your head AWAY from the screen in anguish.
I admittedly found a copy of the DVD abandoned by its previous owner. I did not at all pay to obtain a copy of this film, and thank goodness I didn't; it is clearly obvious to me why the person who previously owned it wanted to dump it off the way they did, and quite frankly, I would consider doing the same...
Never in my entire life have I laid eyes upon such a horribly developed "western", if you could even call it that. The acting is horrific; the music is pathetic; the story is...wait, what story? The only somewhat tolerable portion of this film is its action sequences, and even they leave much to be desired.
Let's start by discussing the acting. To put it bluntly, the costumes in this film seem like they were thrown together by a ragtag band of clueless teenagers who were attempting to make a montage of their favorite two-bit Halloween outfits; therefore, the actors seem incredibly out of place in this supposedly "rough terrain" that gunslingers had to ride through day after day. A good cast would have helped to make this flaw less-noticeable, yet unfortunately, the "acting" seems as stiff as the clothes they wear. Michael Madsen severely disappointed me in this, and surprisingly appeared just as amateur as the others. The only way I could possibly believe that he ever got involved with such a film is by losing a bet, or being extremely drunk when he signed on. I had not before heard of any of the rest of the cast, but if any of their prior roles were at all reminiscent of this, it is no wonder why. Awkward camera angles, shallow character development and poor editing certainly do not help matters any.
Musically, the film is atrocious. One might think, if they bothered to unplug their ears while the "Main Menu Theme" played upon the disc's startup, that the songs in this film were created to evoke comedy...and if this "score" had been used for that type of a film, it would have been hilarious. This, however, is not the correct genre for such a pathetic piece of work. Perhaps Mr. Chris Forbes attempted to tackle too many of his "God-given talents" in this film: producer, writer, editor, DOP, and songwriter. Maybe if some REAL talent had been brought in to compose the music, we might hear something worth listening to. But as it is, I strongly recommend that you take several tablets of aspirin before attempting to sit through the film's music; otherwise, do yourself a favor, mute your TV, and flip on the subtitles so no pain caused from hearing the soundtrack will be experienced.
I was utterly perplexed with this film, story-wise. Not once before have I been so uninterested in a film's narrative. This, however, takes the cake. I do not wish to spoil anything if anyone develops the urge to experience this film first-hand (although I highly advise against it). Just believe me when I say that this movie's plot is nothing above a mound of seemingly irrelevant events that build gradually until the film's ridiculous climax. Whole sequences appear to be absent from the film, and others seem to just be thrown in to increase the length and production value. The ending is just as bad, with only the slightest sense of a plot resolution. Of course, one cannot let Forbes escape without the blame on this one, as he is credited with writing this agonizing series of events. So everything we see on-screen has come from the man's own mind, and is EXACTLY the way he envisioned it (despite, presumably, that it would in turn lead to a flop).
The action was just partially tolerable. A few of the gunfights were done well enough that I was actually able to watch the screen during a chunk of their duration. This, however, was again completely trashed by the lack of dynamic camera angles. This reduces the look of authenticity in the skirmishes, as they simply appear to be reenactments instead of live gunfights. The visual effects are also a bit oppressing at times. Gun smoke erupts into an unrealistically large cloud of fog, and the cheesy "pops" that sound every time a gun is fired just make the whole thing laughable. Apparently to Mr. Forbes, a dynamite stick explosion consists of a corny sound effect and two or three wooden boards flying across the screen (that alone should be convincing enough to prove my point).
All in all, I guess you cannot demand much out of a movie of this caliber. Rudimentary sound editing, underdeveloped sets, poor visual effects, and somewhat weak costumes are among the things to be expected. That being said, there are numerous things in this film that are, for the most part, inexcusable: i.e. the intolerable musical score, the feeble acting, the poor camera work, the repulsive script, and the low-grade plot line.
The only thing that I loved about this film was its punchline on the cover and the disc itself: "3:10 to Yuma rides up next to True Grit." Hysterical! A true man of wit had to have been involved with the composition of those words referring to something as disgusting as this film.
I highly recommend that you skip over this one if you have not yet seen it; it is not worth the disc it was burnt onto. My rating is two stars, and that's the very best I can do; one star for trying (or, at least, pretending to try), and another for managing to convince me that this is by far one of the top ten worst films of our decade. Bar none.
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