- The Doctor: Yes, he likes that, Alfie. Though personally he prefers to be called Stormaggedon, Dark Lord of All.
- Craig Owens: Sorry, what?
- The Doctor: [indicating the baby] That's what he calls himself.
- Craig Owens: How d'you know that?
- The Doctor: I speak baby.
- Craig Owens: Of course you do.
- The Doctor: Stop crying - you've got a lot to look forward to, you know! A normal human life on Earth - mortgage repayments, the 9-to-5, a nagging sense of spiritual emptiness... Save the crying for later, boyo.
- The Doctor: [talking with baby Alfie] No, he's your dad.
- The Doctor: You can't just call him 'Not Mum'.
- Craig Owens: Not Mum?
- The Doctor: That's you. Also 'Not Mum', that's me.
- The Doctor: [leaning to hear Alfie] And everybody is...?
- The Doctor: "Peasants".
- The Doctor: That's a bit unfortunate.
- Craig Owens: A teleport? A tele... a teleport... like a beam-me-up teleport, like you see in Star Trek?
- The Doctor: Exactly! Someone's been using a beam-me-up Star Trek teleport. Could be disguised as anything.
- Craig Owens: A teleport in a shop? That's ridiculous!
- [lights flicker in the lift as they teleport out of the shop]
- Craig Owens: What was that? Was that the lights again?
- The Doctor: [in a high voice] Yes, that's it, that's all, it's the lights.
- Craig Owens: Why'd you say that like that?
- The Doctor: Like what? Like, like, like, like what?
- [dropping voice]
- Craig Owens: Like that, in that high-pitched voice.
- The Doctor: Just keep looking at me, Craig. Right at me. Just keep looking.
- Craig Owens: Why?
- The Doctor: Well, because, because...
- Craig Owens: [starts to look behind him]
- The Doctor: [grabs Craig] ... because I love you.
- Craig Owens: You love me?
- The Doctor: Yes, Craig, it's you, it's always been you.
- Craig Owens: Me?
- The Doctor: [takes out sonic screwdriver and puts arms around Craig] Is that so surprising?
- Craig Owens: Doctor, are you gonna kiss me?
- The Doctor: Yes, Craig, yes I am. Would you like that? Bit out of practice, but I've had some wonderful feedback.
- [puckers lips while fidding with his sonic screwdriver]
- Craig Owens: Doctor, no, I can't, I'm taken...
- [pulls back, looks behind him, and sees an approaching Cyberman]
- Craig Owens: Oh my God, what's that!
- The Doctor: Or we could just hold hands if it would make you feel more comfortable!
- Craig Owens: What is happening?
- The Doctor: Well first of all, I don't really love you, except as a friend.
- Craig Owens: What is that?
- The Doctor: Ahhh!
- [sonics the teleporter so they arrive back in the lift]
- The Doctor: Quick reverse!
- Craig Owens: Okay, what the hell just happened!
- Craig Owens: You've noticed something. You've got your noticing face on. I have nightmares about that face.
- The Doctor: Nope! Given all that up. Done noticing things.
- [the lights flicker]
- The Doctor: Didn't even notice that, for example.
- The Doctor: Oh, you've redecorated! I don't like it.
- Craig Owens: It's a different house. We moved.
- The Doctor: Yes, that's it.
- The Doctor: [playing with a remote controlled toy helicopter] It goes up, tiddly up! It goes down, tiddly down! For only £49.99, which I think personally is a bit steep. But then again, it's your parents' cash, and they'll only waste it on boring stuff like lamps and vegetables. YAWN!
- The Doctor: [sonics the lift open] Goodbye. And here's the lift!
- Craig Owens: It says it's out of order.
- The Doctor: Not anymore. See? Here to help.
- The Doctor: [pushes Craig inside]
- Craig Owens: It says "DANGER"!
- The Doctor: Oh rubbish! Lifts aren't dangerous!
- Craig Owens: [seeing the Doctor in a shop] What the hell are you doing here?
- The Doctor: Oh, I'm the Doctor. I work in a shop now. Here to help.
- The Doctor: [pointing at his name badge] Look, they gave me a badge with my name on in case I forget who I am. Very thoughtful, as that does happen.
- Craig Owens: The Cybermen - they blew up! I blew them up with love!
- The Doctor: No, that's impossible. And also grossly sentimental and over-simplistic. You destroyed them because of the deeply-ingrained hereditary human trait to protect one's own genes. Which in turn triggered a... a... Um. Yeah. Love. You blew them up with love.
- The Doctor: It must be shielded from meta-static energy, of course!
- Craig Owens: Oh. Of course.
- The Doctor: Don't worry, I have an app for that!